you often romanticize it,
until your hair falls out,
thinning just like you want your body to,
until your throat hurts constantly,
burning so bad that it feels good,
until you fall in love with the feeling of emptiness,
eating away at you day by day,
until the number on the scale determines your self worth,
where high numbers don't equal high worth,
until food becomes just calories,
counting and adding and then subtracting from your worth,
until your teeth rot,
and you find yourself brushing them 10 times a day just so nobody knows,
until you find yourself locking your bathroom door regularly,
and turning on the shower to drown out the sounds,
until you feel sick all the time,
so often it becomes normal,
until you almost faint,
and when you so you brush it off,
but you are always "fine".
until you are no longer the person you once were,
maybe you threw up enough in one day,
but the voices never stop,
telling you,
you aren't thin enough,
so you are left cold.
the warmth that once surrounded you has long faded away,
your smile that once used to light up the whole room now always sits in a frown,
your mind unable to keep up with the long days and even longer nights,
counting down until the only pieces of you left are skin and bones.
but isn't that what you wanted?
YOU ARE READING
dispositional tendencies
Puisia collection of writing and poetry i wrote about things that i can't always say out loud. i hope you enjoy this and can find comfort in knowing others feel the same as you and that you are not alone :)
