he is so much like her.
i don't know why i didn't see if before.
the way he phrases his questions,
the way he speaks down at me,
the way he unknowingly makes me uncomfortable,
the way he makes me feel bad when i shouldn't,
the way her stares at me like i'm stupid.
his hair the same dirty blonde hers once was.
his eyes the same shade of swimming pool blue as hers,
staring directly into my soul,
but yet not seeing me at all.
they are so close with each other,
so i guess it makes sense.
it makes sense why they team up on me,
why they make fun of my clothes,
my friends,
my music taste,
my face,
my body,
my smile,
my laugh,
my hair,
my nose,
my hands,
why they hate me.
it makes sense why they both comment about my weight,
as if it's a common talking point,
an inside joke that only they think is funny.
i just wish he wasn't so much like her.
i wish i could have a better relationship with him.
i wish i could hang out with him without it seeming forced or awkward.
i wish i could feel safe telling him things i could never tell her.
but i know i can't.
and i may never be able to.
he's become too much like her.
i miss being able to talk to him.
i miss hanging out with him,
telling him things i knew he would never tell her.
i miss laughing with him.
i miss him looking up to me,
like i was some amazing person that he wanted to be just like when he got older.
well now he is older.
and he chose her over me.
i'm just second best i guess.
i could never be enough in his eyes,
or hers.
he's become too much like her.
YOU ARE READING
dispositional tendencies
Poetrya collection of writing and poetry i wrote about things that i can't always say out loud. i hope you enjoy this and can find comfort in knowing others feel the same as you and that you are not alone :)
