earned it [h.s.]

63.

Genevieve.

Harry kissed me goodbye.

We stood at the door, his fingers fitted around my jaws as he pulled me into him, his lips lingering on mine.

He was always soft in the mornings. I loved that about him. I woke with him wrapped around me after our eventful night. Both our hearts felt heavy, both our throats dried out. It had been a difficult night after multiple difficult days. We needed each other, leaning on each other.

I didn't like the fact that Harry was going to Blair's house today. His old house, where he had so many memories, going back to the woman he was married to. The more serious we got, the more restless I became.

I trusted Harry, I really did. I believed him when he said he hadn't slept with Blair ever since sleeping with me. He had cheated on her, not on me. And I wanted to believe him, but something about this just rubbed me the wrong way.

I knew Blair was out to destroy us, and she was succeeding. Harry and I had very, very big conversations to have, which I was fully ignoring at this point. I knew Harry noticed I was avoiding the topic, but my brain just couldn't wrap itself around that piece of information right now. Even remembering that moment in court, I started hyperventilating.

Even more so when I saw Diane pulling Harry away from me. He looked so lost and panicked, searching the crowd for me as I desperately tried to climb out of the bench and run after him. My chest was burning in anger for Diane at that point. After the video footage, the way Harry relived his trauma with that only for it to not even matter since apparently all it took was to prove that he wasn't on her payroll... it was a lot.

Diane did her job, and she did it well. But she was a shark and did everything it took to win, including stabbing us in the back.

My entire body was just... shaking in anxiety. I tried to hide it, for Harry. Tried to be there for him. He needed me more than I needed him right now. Today, when he'd be gone, I'd take care of myself for once. I'd take a long shower and probably a few naps, attempt to clean around the apartment to calm myself down.

"Am I coming back here after?" Harry murmured, stroking his thumb over my cheekbone. He spoke it as a question, as id I'd welcome him after coming back from Blair's house.

I knew what he was going to talk to her about and I swallowed thickly, casting my eyes down. Everything inside of me was screaming no, because it meant we'd be talking about it too. And I didn't want to just yet. But I couldn't deny him.

"Yes." I whispered, "I'll be here."

Harry exhaled in relief, his eyes turning warm and soft. He looked at me with so much adoration it made me feel floaty, and I pushed myself up on my toes to push my lips on his. Harry kissed me back, holding me tight as he breathed out through his nose, "I love you." He spoke while his nose bumped mine and his breath hit my parted lips.

I took a second before nodding, "I love you too."

He pecked my nose and stepped outside, my eyes following him as he walked down the hallway and glanced at me over his shoulder before I heard him hopping down the stairs.

It somehow felt relieving that he was gone for a bit. I tried not to think about where he was going or why, and guilt ate me alive when I realized my shoulders dropped just a tad from being by myself. Being around Harry constantly these days could feel... suffocating. Especially because there was so much we didn't talk about, and so many emotions shared between us two.

It was building up, and it was bound to explode. I was the one pushing him away and procrastinating, I knew that. But I couldn't help it.

I closed the door when he was gone, leaning against it. It was strange, the way I simultaneously missed him the moment he left. My apartment felt empty without his presence here, I even missed his scent.