i miss you

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{"Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?"}

★ LORELAI ★

August 3rd
1997

Waking up alone in a city you don't know is always scary.

A great way to start the day.

Not knowing your surroundings, and having no one to help. And once you finally come to your senses, there's no one there to talk to, no one there to see. You're alone, and scared.

Harry never came back to the hotel room last night. I'm not sure where he is, but I'm hoping he crashed with one of our friends. Not that we ended on great terms at all, but I was kind of looking forward to him stumbling through the door and unknowingly holding me in my sleep.

I'm honestly not sure where to go from here.

I mean... I love him.

But with the situation we're in, and the constant fights and bickering. It's all making it hard to feel like I'm in love with him.

That's the thought that's been plaguing my mind as I get ready for the day. I'm not sure why I am getting ready, or where I will go, but I can't sit in this hotel room and wait for Harry to show up. Plus, he deserves to sweat when he comes back and sees that I'm not here.

I stare back at myself in the mirror, the dead look in my eyes and the large bags that sit below them. You can read the distress on my face, not even a smile being able to mask it. I've covered physical bruises on my face with makeup before, but it's much harder to cover emotional ones.

I leave the bathroom, not being able to stand to face my reflection any longer. I walk over to the bed, grabbing my purse and throwing it over my shoulder. My feet carry me to the door, slipping on my shoes before throwing open the heavy wood. The hallway is completely empty as I walk down, not a sound coming from a single room. I reach the row of elevators and press the small glowing button until one of the doors swings open. I step into the metal box, pressing the ground floor button.

The elevator ride is short, and before I know it the doors are opening up to the large lobby. I step off, passing by strangers on my way to the exit.

I'm still not sure where my destination of the day will be, but I'm hoping that taking a long walk alone will help to clear my head.

I walk out of the large front glass doors, warm air flowing through my hair. I follow my instincts and go right, headed in a random direction. I look up as I walk, paying attention to all the small shops and restaurants that I pass by. As I walk, I pass by a wall full of posters. A large version of the poster I created hangs front and center, advertising Painted Lady's show here tonight. My heart swells for a moment, staring back at the art I made.

I continue my walk, a bit of a lighter feeling in my chest.

It's surprisingly warm today in Oregon. I'm not sure where I got the connotation that it's constantly raining here, but it couldn't be further from the truth today. The skies are clear and bright blue, the weather warm but not too hot. It's the perfect day to be taking this walk, I just wish I didn't have to do it alone.

I walk by one of those magazine booths, deciding to stop and check on the latest gossip. My eyes scan every cover carefully; from actress's divorces to people's sexiest man alive. Then my eyes fall on a certain magazine, though this time the bold lettering doesn't surprise me.

I pull the magazine out of the bunch, flipping through the abundance of pages until I land on the one I'm looking for.

Trouble In Paradise?

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