Painted Lady {h.s}

lover, you should've come over

★ HARRY ★

September 10th
1997

"You guys have been absolutely incredible tonight! Thank you so much!" I speak into the microphone, my chest rising and falling rapidly from how hard I was just dancing.

In my in-ear monitor, I hear the crew telling us to begin our final bows and leave the stage, but I have other plans. In my peripheral vision I see the band begin to pack up, so I have to move fast.

"Before we go! I wanted to do something special for you all since you were such a great crowd." I turn to face away from the crowd, seeing the confused looks on everyone's faces. "Just go with it," I mouth to them.

The crowd goes ballistic behind me, the roaring cheers only egging me on. I walk to the side of the stage, grabbing something I left just for this moment. My hand grasps onto the neck of my guitar, the guitar Lorelai painted for me. I walk it over to the front of the stage, pulling a stool along behind me. I shorten the microphone stand and get comfortable on the stool, plugging my guitar into the amplifier.

"Now I hope you don't mind if I get a little vulnerable." The crowd cheers. "And I ask that everyone get their cameras out and record this. Unfortunately the person this song is for, isn't here tonight, so I need it documented."

I watch as hundreds of cameras raise in the air, along with a couple of open flames. Suddenly it looks as if there are stars in the crowd, and it couldn't be more perfect for this song.

"This song is for... Well you'll know who it's for."

I begin to strum on my guitar, the acoustic sound being drastically different from the last few songs we played. I have to mentally hype myself up for this. I've never willingly shared something like this with anyone, other than Lorelai. But, since she isn't here, I decided it was finally time to display this side of me to the world. I know she'll hear about it, or see a video of it, and I can only hope she is proud and will give me a call. Maybe she would even come back to me.

"Looking out the door I see the rain
Fall upon the funeral mourners"

My voice is soft and wavering, my eyes wired shut with my anxiety spiking.

"Parading in a wake of sad relations
As their shoes fill up with water"

I think back to the night when I wrote this. The night before Lorelai left, and the night of Sarah's funeral. I ended up just getting a hotel room that night to get away from everything, even though it pained me to not see Lorelai off again.

"Maybe I'm too young
To keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind
So... you'll never know
Broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it"

This is the first time I've admitted my feelings aloud. And the fact that it's in a song, and in front of a thousand people, is insane. But that's what she does to me.

"Where are you tonight
Child, you know how much I need it"

I wish she was here to see this.

"Too young to hold on
And too old to just break free and run"

My gravelly tone shines through as I jump up in octaves, hoping the crowd will enjoy my belting rather than my screaming tonight.

"Sometimes a man gets carried away
When he feels like should be having his fun"

I think about all the binge drinking nights I got swept into. The neglectful tendencies and pain I caused the people around me.