Just the Beginning

27

ANA

I'm not really sure what day it is. I think it's Thursday. At least I won't be too behind on school work when I have to go back there.

I struggle to take my shirt off. Every movement feels like an aching pain. Like I pulled a muscle or tweaked a nerve.

Once I'm undressed I step into the hot, steamy water. It burns my skin but I don't care. I guess that's my way of punishing myself for everything that I've let happen. I look around, seeing several different shampoos, conditioners and body washes. I would have never guessed a boy took this much care of himself. It almost makes me giggle a bit. It's good though. More men need to not be ashamed to use 'feminine' smelling things. Anything is better than 8 in 1. I swear men use the same soap for their hair, body, face, to clean their cars ...

I wash my hair. The soap burns in some places but not as bad as I thought.

When I'm done I get out, pat myself dry and put on the clothes that Jada brought over. Sweats and a t-shirt, and the undies and stuff. Can't ever go wrong with sweatpants. I try to look at myself in the mirror but I have to wipe the condensation off before.

And I'm disgusted.

I run my fingers over my cheek, my nose, my mouth. I'm still a bit swollen, still bruised. Memories flash through my mind and for a second I'm in panic mode. My hair stands up and my hands start to shake. I let out a deep breath to try and calm myself and then walked out. I looked around for a second before remembering where the room was. I go straight there. Matt isn't here though.

I look around for my phone, grab it and send him a text.

Me: where are you?

Within seconds I hear footsteps nearing the door. Honestly, I'm a bit nervous. Even though I'm almost positive it's... Matt. He rounds the corner and I feel the tears well in my eyes as I walk to him. I wrap my arms tightly around him.

He grunts once before hugging me back, "are you okay?" I shake my head some. "What's wrong?"

"I just- I don't know. Memories I guess. Just made me nervous and then I didn't see you and I forgot what was happening for a second- I'm sorry I-"

"Don't be sorry love," he rubs the back of my head, "don't apologize. You're okay. Everything's okay now. We're just going to relax today, take a break." I nod my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It calms me down. "How was your shower?"

"Good," I nod, "it felt nice. Clean clothes feel good."

"Yeah?" he chuckles, "here, come on. Come sit down. Rest."

"I'm okay," I say, "really, I'm fine."

"My love I'm sorry but you are far from fine," he sighs, "and you know it."

"No," I shake my head, "I'm okay. Really. I'm just- I'm tired and my face hurts. But I'm okay. I'll live."

"Well yeah I know that," he laughs a bit, "you're so sarcastic, you know that?"

"I always have been," I smile small, "you know this."

"I do," he nods, "one of the many reasons I love you."

I look at him for a few seconds, silence surrounds us. "You really meant that last night?"

His eyebrows furrow a bit, "every word. I meant every word."

"You're sure?"

"More than," he stares into my eyes, "One hundred percent. I-I'm really sorry I walked out on you. I thought by doing that I was protecting you and it's so clear that I wasn't. I- I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen to you. It was the very reason I didn't want to be around. But it's clear I need to be and I really want to be. I was stupid, walking away from you. I won't do it again. Please, if you give me another chance I promise I won't-"

I set my hand on his cheek. Watching him talk, the way his hands move like he's telling a story... of course I'd give him 'another chance'. He has unlimited chances. I can't let him know that but... we'll keep it to ourselves.

"I'd never say no."

I watch his anxious ridden look turn into a smile that turns into a kiss. A long, passionate kiss. He pulls back and places a kiss on my forehead, "you make me happiest. I swear to it."

"Me too," I smile, "well, with you. You make me happy too. Make me feel safe."

"I do?"

"You do. Yeah."I nod and he smiles a bit, looks down and rubs the top of my hand.

"You know, uhm- Jack, he said some things," he clears his throat, "things that make me think none of this is over."

"What did he say?"

"It was the first of many or something like that," he shakes his head some, "and maybe it meant nothing but I can't risk it. You can't risk it. So here, I picked this up for you. It's pepper spray, goes on your keychain so you always have it."

"It's the first of many?" I repeat, "like... he's referring to taking me? Isn't he?" I feel my mood shift from calm to scared immediately.

"I won't let it happen, Ana," he reassures.

"You can't be certain of that," I shake my head and look at him, "how can you be sure? You can't- "

"Love I promise you," he grabs my hands, "if he takes anybody, it's gonna be me. Not you. I promise you, I will not let it happen."