Amazed

Chapter 42

"And hand in hand they headed to Stefania's old room once again, this time not to fix any missunderstandment, but to start a new journey towards happiness."

When they got at the room, the italian was restless, but decided to tell her girlfriend everything.

The cardiologist noticed her girlfriend's nervousness and started kissing her to try to calm her down.

"Honey, keep calm. I've got you! You can tell me anything, baby."
"I -I k-know, bella."
"So, why are you that nervous then?"
"Because this is something that still hurts me... not because of what happened, but because of my mom's loss."
"My love, I want you to know that you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. It's okay, baby."
"No,  bella. I want to."
"Okay, so take your time, we have all the time you need."
"Well, I had a girlfriend... we were... really close and I was planning to propose her." The hazel-eyed girl began to talk really insecure.

💭 Wait. What? To propose her???? 😱😱😱

The blonde tried to speak, but the italian didn't stop talking...

"But my mama got sick. And suddenly my life came down. We saw my mama being consumed by a damn cancer and there was nothing I could do to help her, even tho I am a doctor. Then, suddenly, that woman who used to be so happy and full of life was losing space and becoming increasingly sick and dependent on all of us. Honestly, I don't know what killed her faster, if it was the cancer or the heartbreak of not being able to dance, travel, do the things she loved to do anymore..."

At that moment, the tears flowed freely down the italian doctor's face, who had her eyes lost in the painful memories of a very painful past.

"Oh baby girl, I'm so sorry. Really, I can't even imagine how awful that was for you..."
"Yes bambina, it was terrible!" Specially because my uncles judged me all the time."
"Judged you? What do you mean?" The blonde was confused.
"Well, they thought that because I am a doctor, I had the obligation to save my mother." The Ob/Gyn whispered that with mockery in her voice.
"But, love, that's ridiculous! You're not an oncologist. That's an absurd!"
"Sì, but her cancer originated in her ovaries. So they blame me for not having prevented the metastasis and consequently her death."
"Stefania, that's ridiculous! And you know that!"
"Yes bambina, now I know that... anyways... I had just seen my mom's exams, but one month later, my dad and her were going to Florida, to visit Disneyworld. When they bought their tickets, she decided to take the exams all over again because she didn't want to risk having a sudden illness in a country where she didn't speak their native language very well. Shit... I still remember when I got her results back... I just looked and looked at everything again and again, just to make sure I wasn't delusional. Compared it to the exams from 1 month ago because I thought I hadn't seen it. Maybe that shit was already there and I let it slip, but no. It wasn't. It developed overnight, just like magic..."

The Ob/Gyn now was sobbing. Danielle held her close, hugging her and caressing her back up and down, trying her best to support her girlfriend. After recovering a little, the italian continued speaking...

"Then, I called dr Ricardo Ramazotti "
"The best oncologist in all Europe?"
"Exactly! He was my teacher in medical school and we became friends. I told him about my mother and he immediately accepted to help me. I ordered all the additional tests, including a biopsy and when we got her results back, I already knew it was a death sentence."

The brunette was sobbing again and this time the cardiologist couldn't help but starting crying with her.

"Amore mio, even tho we knew there was nothing we could do because despite we had discovered it since very early moment, it was too agressive, and grade 3 we never gave up on her, Dani."
"I'm so sorry my love! I know that was really heartbroken."
"But we didn't surrender. No! Ricardo and I recommended immediate surgery to remove the ovaries and start chemo and radiotherapy immediately. I was in the OR. Of cpurse, I couldn't touch her, but when Ricardo opened her... our glances met and he showed me. The cancer had already spread through her entire reproductive system. Everything was doomed: uterus, ovaries and tu es. He removed everything - total sterectomy and we were waiting for the result of the pathological analysis. How I prayed we were wrong... but we weren't. When the pathologist's report came, my mother's death sentence came with it. At most 3 more years of life. Grade 3 ovarian carcinoma."
"Oh baby girl, I'm so sorry. I wish I could take your pain for me..."
"I spent almost 5 years researching, studying about ovarian cancer with dr Ramazotti. But it was useless. My mother wanted to live. She wanted to fight, but her body gave up..."
"Love, although very sad, your story is beautiful. I'm so proud of you! And I'm pretty sure your mama was proud and still is very proud of you, principessa!"

Thank you amore mio. But I couldn't save her..."

Danielle pushed the brunette back far enough to hold her girlfriend's face between her hands and stare deep into her eyes and say:
"Love, you know that cancer by itself is already a difficult disease to be treated with success. When it comes to a rare type then... it's almost impossible to cure it. If you and dr Ramazotti couldn't heal your mother, then no one else could do that, baby!"

Stefania just nodded.

"Come here baby girl, I've got you."

After a few minutes, the italian started speaking again.

"Well, after 4 years and 10 months my mom's body gave up for good and she died. I felt terrible. I felt helpless, guilty for her death. My uncles accusing me all the time didn't help my situation at all."
"No baby. There was nothing you could have done..."
"My dad and sibblings were amazing. They supported me. They never blaimed me for her death."
"That shows they're really amazing decent people." The blue-eyed girl stated.
"But even though all their support I sank into a deep depression. The guilty consumed me. That was when I quit my job at the hospital and all I did was cry and blaime myself unconsciously."
"But you had your family and your girlfriend's support, didn't you?"
"My family yes, they were wonderful..."
"A-and what about..."
"Well... Katarina left me. Without say goodbye."
"What? Wait. She did what?" The ocean-eyed girl was outraged.
"Well, like I said, after all this I was no longer myself and Katarina couldn't take it. One day I woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn't by my side in bed. So, I went to have a cup of water and look for her..."

Stefania stopped talking closing her eyes as if an excruciating pain was taking over her.

"What happened, love? Tell me." Danielle asked.
"I found out she was gone and all that was left of her was..."
"What?"

Stefania got up, went to her drawer, took a crumpled piece of paper and said handing it to her girlfriend:

"This..."
"Wait. This motherfucker left you leaving only... this?"
"Yes." The brunette almost whispered.
"Can I read it?"
"Sure. But before you read it, I want you to know that I kept this until now, just to remind myself that people can be much selfish... I didn't believe in love anymore, bambina, until I met you. You showed me what it's like to really love and being loved."