Ghost of your past

The breakdown

"Are you okay?" Said Mia to her sister as they drove out to the shed in her truck. Natalia had not said a word since they had left the shed. "Babygirl?"

Natalia finally broke out of her trance that she had been in staring at a window  like a lifeless zombie, "Yeah" she whispered, "I'm fine"  Mia turned her head to the side to look at her sister and how she was staring off the window. "I'm sorry about Mila, it isn't your fault."

All Natalia does is frown and shake her head slightly that only she would notice such a subtle movement

"How far away are we from the cottage ?"

"We're almost there, just another 30" Mia again stared at her sister when she could without derailing the car off the road.

"I'm serious though, it's really not your fault."

Natalia with that comment got visibly more upset yet her sister didn't seem to notice even when staring back at her every few seconds.

"Can we please not talk about it ?"

"But you need to deal with it" said Mia not understanding how her sister was feeling, or maybe, understanding her all too well.

"Don't you think I'm dealing with it ?! Do you think I'm just sitting here looking at grass and road like I'm in a fucking movie ? I think about this every single day since that happened, it doesn't let me sleep, most days I can't eat, I am anxious all the time, I feel like my heart could burst at any moment and you know what the worst part of it is? I feel guilty for feeling so. Because even with all of this, I know that what I am feeling has got nothing, nothing on what she must be going through. So if you think for one second that I am not dealing with this you are wrong, it's all I deal with. And now it's coming back, if thinking about it all the time was not enough, now it's back, back with my family, back with the love of my freaking life and there is nothing I can do about it only hide. Which feels so extremely cowardly to me, especially because I wasn't the one who was freaking tied to a chair and beaten half to death! Not even the girl who went through it wants to hide, and how could she ? Not only is it her worst nightmare, but now she dreads the thought of having to spend time with me, and how could she not ?" Natalia's tears were growing in intensity as she went on, however her tone had done the opposite. "And I'm just tired of feeling bad for myself, but also for feeling guilty and, I just didn't want any of this!" She said with a little emphasis at the end battling her already toned done voice.

There was a long semi uncomfortable silence.

Natalia only stared out the window as she had before, not saying another word.

The once uncomfortable silence became bearable and even soothing.

" you're not a coward"

______________________________________________________________________

Mila sat in front of her canvas, just as blank as her mind. Not a single thought for art had occurred to her in the past hour, only frustration cursed through her veins. "AAAAAAHHHHHH" she yelled at the top of her lungs chucking the pinsels in her hand at the blank canvas causing it and it's accompanying stand to tumble from the force.

Standing up from the small stool that had grown a pain in her, she felt angry, frustrated, and most of all, helpless. Looking around for a corner, she sat on the floor with knees to her face, and began to cry.

It was a cry of pain,

A cry of frustration,

Of helplessness,

Of anger,

Of love,

Of more anger,

"Kid?"