Ghost of your past

Coming home

Back in her art shed it almost felt like nothing happened, it was as if she had just come home from a long and tiring day with Rick, as if she hadn't been kid knapped, as if Natalia hadn't come back. 

But every time she looked in the mirror, there was that reminder, that one long gash down her forehead, that would be there, forever. 

And of course there was, a human living reminder. Anytime she went into town, anytime she wanted to go to her favorite bar, grab breakfast at Charlie's or even see her best friend, she was there. 

"Are you sure you're okay kiddo ?" asked Pamela cooking up some breakfast sausages and eggs. "Yeah just hungry, those eggs look good." 

"You know we can talk, and it doesn't just have to be about breakfast."

Mila dreaded the thought. "I really just want to put it behind me." 

"Honey it's been days since you've been back and you haven't wanted to talk at all." 

Mila took a slight sigh, "I'm sorry, I know you just want to help and I really appreciate it, and you know I love you, but I feel like talking about it only keeps everything that happened alive, and I just want to go back to my life before all of this happened to me." 

Pamela looked at her daughter, knowing all too well she was in pain, not knowing how to help her was dreadful at best, and very painful. However she granted her what she was asking for, whether she thought that was what she needed or not. 

"Okay honey I understand, let's just enjoy this food huh?"

"Now that sounds good to me." 

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Natalia had a hard time getting up from her bed, as she did every morning, mentally not physically. All she ever had motivation for was to write, it was the only outlet that let her express everything she was feeling and everything she has gone through since then. 

It took 3 times the amount of energy it would normally take her to get out of bed, and even so, she only managed to sit up. The only times she would manage to make it into town would be to get food or go run an errand for her much busier sister. At times she would pick up a few shifts at the bar to help purchase necessities. Any time she went into town was risky because it meant possibly running into the love of her life, who she had at one time, and then ended up slipping right beneath her fingers. 

As she sighed, thoughts of her life in the recent years started to flash before her eyes, how much she hated Ana, how she hated herself for ever having loved her or thought Ana loved or cared for her in any way. Angry for all of the time she had lost in those 6 years, astonished at the fact that she lasted 6 years of her life with her. 6 years where she could have probably been married, with a full published book and a successful life and maybe even a family. Disappointed at the fact that this was all well within her grasp, and now her life is down a chute, free falling every single day. 

Walking into town and seeing her was the most heart breaking thing of all, being in the view of that terrible scar, that horribly painful gash on her forehead. She didn't know how to deal anymore, she didn't know what emotions were real and which weren't. She wouldn't blame Mila for never wanting to speak to her again. They hadn't spoken since their return from the cottage, which again, Natalia couldn't blame her for. I think they both needed their space from each other given this entire situation, they needed to recover mentally, and they couldn't do that with each other in their lives. Natalia fully understood that, doesn't mean it didn't hurt. 

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Mila was ecstatic to be back on the road with Rick working on houses and fences, besides her art shed, this was the only comfort she knew. She looked out the window of his truck, seeing the dust accumulate as they drove, and for a second she smiled, such a face muscle movement felt strange on her after all she had gone through, but she let herself enjoy the moment.