IDOL || 𝐦. 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

⁰¹⁷ bloom later

cw; implied/referenced abuse of power and homophobia

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"They're supposed to reveal that I'm dating Eren."

What the fuck.

What the actual fuck?

You stood frozen, immovable. You tried to will your body to do something- anything, but it was as if your muscles had disconnected from your brain, growing stiff as you stood there in disbelief.

The universe had to be playing some sick joke on you. Perhaps you may have done something in your past life to earn you such a fate. How irredeemable you must have been to end up with such a sick joke.

This was a joke right? Any time now, Mikasa would break out of her charade and announce that she had just been pranking you all along. You would scoff, and tell her it wasn't funny as you would lightly punch her arm, and she would pull you in for a hug, kissing you on your forehead as an apology.

But the silence continued.

It spanned and stretched, Mikasa's grave face showing no indication of breaking character.

There were no pranks, and there would be no hugs or kisses on the forehead. Just harsh, cold, reality.

For most of the world, the news of Eren and Mikasa would have been a dream come true. But for you, it was as if your worst fear had come true. You knew what people said, you've heard the whispers too.

'When are they gonna get together?' You'd hear frequently. You've been hearing this frequently ever since Attack on Titan first made its debut and fans decided to ship the two together. You understand the appeal, you suppose. But that's not what you wanted, was it?

'When are they gonna get together?' Do you ask?

You thought the answer was never. But now, Mikasa was telling you otherwise.

Different emotions seem to be rushing in at once: shock, fear, betrayal. It was all too much. None of this made sense. Even when your mind was producing a million thoughts a second, did it still fail to connect the dots.

Your head felt lighter, a high pitch ringing over taking your senses. You wanted it to stop.

'Please stop,' you thought to yourself.

But your thoughts became muddled as the sound of your rapidly beating heart took over.

Fuck.

You needed to sit down.

With every ounce of willpower you had left in your body, you forced your legs to carry you over to her couch. Each step felt so laboured, so burdensome. You could practically hear your footsteps echo within the room with how jarring the silence was as Mikasa made no room to speak.

You lowered yourself onto the surface. While you once noted the surface as soft and comfortable, it now felt scathing against your skin, the cushioning now almost feeling like it was scratching you the longer you sat there.

Was everything you've ever been through with Mikasa a lie? If it was, then she's really living up to her job as an actress. You believed everything she's ever told you, how sweet everything sounded from her lips like every syllable that escaped her mouth was somehow coated in honey.

And you ate it up. Every. Single. Time.

No. You just needed to calm down, maybe then everything will make sense, right?

In.

Out.

In.

Out.