IDOL || 𝐦. 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

⁰¹⁹ west coast

Down on the West Coast, they've got this saying
If you're not drinking, then you're not playing. . .

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Perhaps you were being paranoid.

You felt as if a large, red, target was placed on your back, seeming menacingly inviting for those wishing to use you as target practice to score the perfect bullseye. You didn't know where this feeling even came from, but it just washed over you the minute you walked onto set. You knew you had nothing to worry about as the only people who know about your relationship status were you, Mikasa, and her friends.

But still. Maybe, it was due to the added pressure of keeping your relationship with Mikasa a secret.

It was your great big secret that you were bound to take to the grave; the thought of it getting exposed gave you a headache. There was so much at stake here, especially when Kiyomi was still a threat that loomed over the two of you. From what you've observed and heard, she was a major bitch. No, scratch that. Bitch doesn't even fully cover what you thought of that old hag. Evil was probably closer.  Thank god she was gone for a week. Her return was another problem you could absolutely wait to deal with, especially when Mikasa is making it seem like Kiyomi finding out would be the end of the world. Her tear-ridden face as she begged you to keep your relationship from the woman still haunted you till this day. It was so ingrained into your memory that you found it near impossible to forget, especially when it was the first time Mikasa's ever been so vulnerable with you.

Regardless if Kiyomi was present or not, you were scared to no end. Scared to slip up and reveal the truth. To be honest, you were frightened to learn what would happen if your relationship were suddenly exposed. And you knew that if it was, you would have all this unwanted attention suddenly placed onto you.

You've never experienced fame the way Mikasa or even her friends have. You were a nobody compared to them. You've never had the eyes of thousands, probably even millions of people on you before, scrutinising your every move. You've been online and seen endless amounts of comments – positive and negative – directed to those with any sort of social relevance. That was something you didn't want, especially just for being someone's girlfriend.

Or maybe, it was due to the fact that the rose-tinted glasses were slowly wearing off.

As soon as you got home from Mikasa's apartment and actually had some alone time to sit and just think by yourself, the more your started to 'sober up' in a sense. You see, Mikasa has this ability to make you forget about all your troubles and make you see the world in rainbows and sunshine. Unfortunately for you, however, it was only when you got home and flopped face-first on your cheap mattress did it dawn on you that you were Mikasa Ackerman's girlfriend. Sure, you accepted the fact that you were Mikasa's girlfriend, partner, bae, significant other, boo, etcetera-etcetera. But only when you were about to doze off, face squished by your mattress, did you realise that the Mikasa you were dating was Mikasa Ackerman. As in Mikasa Ackerman, one of the most famous people in the world. Which led you to do some thinking.

You liked the way your life was pre-Mikasa. Maybe not as much as now, but it definitely came with its perks – living carefree and ignorant to how manufactured and fake everything in Hollywood actually was. Don't get yourself wrong, you wanted to be in a relationship with Mikasa, but the closer you got to her, the more Hollywood mess and chaos you discovered. You never realised that there could be this many rules and regulations that came with dating a person. Were you moving too fast? What would your future with her look like? Would you be able to keep your relationship with one of the most famous and known people in the world a secret? These questions lingered in the back of your mind, replaying time and time again until you came up with a satisfying answer as you tossed in your sheets. But you never did. The worst part was that you barely had anyone to talk to about this. Sure, Ymir was there but you wanted to tell more people about the good and the bad. Plus, there was nothing wrong with a second, or even third opinion.