𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐒 two years ago, my life changed forever. All it took was one night to alter the rest of my life. I wasn't sure about a lot of things however, there are two things that I was absolutely certain on: what I wanted to wear and who...
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Death is strange. It happens to everyone, all the time, all over the world but still, you tell yourself that it'd never happen to you. That you'd never have to experience the gut-wrenching grief people describe after losing a loved one.
Until one day, it does happen to you. It hits you out of nowhere like a slap across the face. It's sharp and painful and consuming and unexpected and it hurts. It hurts really bad.
Rose dying was something that I never saw coming. You could've told me straight to my face that it was going to happen and I wouldn't have believed you. I thought she was my raft in the midst of all the bad that was drowning me. She was in a way. She still is. She always will be.
The media know the story as a miscarriage, that my daughter died just a few months after I found out I was pregnant.
That wasn't the story at all. In some ways, I wish it was. I sometimes wish that I hadn't taken Rose home, clothed her, fed her, had her in my arms. Saw her eyes taking in the new life around her, felt her dainty fingers grab onto my hair like a lifeline. I like to tell myself that it would've been easier if she died before I actually held her.
After that night—the one where George got arrested, Albie came over. He stayed two nights and I told him I was pregnant. Other than my sister and George, he was the first to know. He made a promise that he'd be the best uncle this little baby had ever seen. I believed him. Still do.
My parents came back to London after hearing the news and comforted me. I told them my news on Christmas Day. My mother cried, my father took a moment and my sister pretended it was the first time she was hearing it.
I was depressed for a few weeks after George's arrest but I knew I'd never have to struggle raising my baby with the amazing support system around me. Heidi convinced me to hold a dinner to announce the news to everyone else and the route I was taking with the media.
I didn't want anyone to know who I hadn't told. It made me vulnerable since George was away—my protector wasn't there to protect me.
Just a week after New Year's, I held a dinner at Bardo's because I was craving Italian food. Astrid knew straight away because when she asked me what cocktail I wanted, I declined her offer. I've never declined a cocktail in my life.
She cocked her head, asked me with her eyes if it was true and I just nodded. Everyone was there. Mia, Charlie, Carter, Albie, Matilda, my sister. I didn't say anything till after I'd eaten my black truffle tagliatelle.
"I'm pregnant, by the way," I said when everyone was finishing up their meals.
They all stared at me, not saying anything. Shocked probably. I remember Carter's eyes lit up a bit but he still couldn't find the right words.
"No, she really is! I'm gonna be an aunt!" Astrid squealed, hands covering her mouth.
"I think you'll find, I'll be the aunt. The authentic aunt," my sister jabbed her in the arm.
