Forever And Always (Camren)

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Camila POV

"Camz! Camz!" I hear that raspy voice calling out after me.

"What's wrong?" she grabs my arm and turns me to face her.

"Why are you crying baby?" she tries to cup my face but I push her hands away.

"Don't touch me I might get the wrong idea that there's something between us!" I scream.

Lauren looked taken aback and hurt but I didn't care at that point.

"Camz.." her voice breaks my heart. It's filled with pain and emotion.

"No we're a delusion right!?! I must of been delusional when you kissed me! And god what a fucking delusion when I thought you loved me!" I yell as the tears fall down my face.

"I do love you" She whispers as she takes a step closer, which makes me take a step back.

"No you're right. I'm delusional for thinking you could love me. For thinking you could ever feel about me the way I feel for you! I'm so sorry to complicate your life Lauren. I'm sorry for fucking falling in love with you!"

"Camz please" she begs.

"Was the other night a delusion too? I lost my fucking virginity to you does that even matter!?!" I scream even though I'm well aware of the girls standing behind Lauren listening in on the argument.

"Yes! It does! It fucking does Camila! How can you ever even question something like that? Don't you know me better than that?" She screams. Tears begin to form in her eyes as well.

"Don't I know you better than what? You can't make up your own damn mind Lauren! You can't just leave it at a simple deny of our relationship but you have to call us a delusion? How the fuck do you think I feel!?!" I wipe the tears that are streaming down my face.

"Camz I'm sorry.. I was just tired of answering the question.. Please don't be like this.. I hate to see you cry" she pleads and tries to take another step forward.

I push her back "Don't fucking come near me Lauren! It's amazing really.. you hate to see me cry yet you're the reason for all my pain" I whisper looking straight into her eyes. She just stares at me. Those beautiful green eyes staring into my plain brown ones.

"That was low Camz.. I know I hurt you but.. wow" She replies, not hiding the tears that fall down her beautiful skin.

"Do not do that! Do not pin this all on me like it is my fault! I'm not the one who calls our relationship a fucking delusion! I don't even know why I'm bothering to fight for this anymore. You're right Lauren. We are a delusion"

I walk into the room and slam my door. My façade of being strong for her broken. I don't know what this means for us. I don't know what I want this to mean for us.

I do love her but I'm tired of feeling like I'm just a hobby for her. Something to do when she is bored. I deserve better than to be treated like that.

When we are alone she seems to care but in public she wishes I was nowhere around.

I feel like me heart has just been ripped from my inside.

I can't breathe. I grab my chest trying but I can't. The tears keep falling.

It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. My world just crashed down.

Why don't you love me?

Why am I not good enough for you?

Why are you ashamed?

I fall on my bed and grab my phone. I put my headphones in and cry. I cry until there are no tears left. Until I feel absolutely nothing. Until I'm merely just a fragment of a person. Still alive but not living. Just... nothing.

Monday you sent me flowers
Tuesday made me feel stupid
Wednesday the world was ours
Thursday you didn't prove it
Friday fell back in love
Saturday we didn't talk
Sunday you said you needed space

The tears begin again.

Do you miss me? Am I crazy?
Am I losing hold of your love baby?
Either you want me or you don't
I need to know, I need to know

Do you Lauren? I need to know. Do I mean anything to you?

Who are you today?
Will you be the sun
Or the pouring rain?
Who are you tomorrow?
Will you make me smile
Or just bring me sorrow?
Who are you gonna be
When I'm lost and I'm scared?
Who are you gonna be
When there's nobody there?
Who are you today?
'Cause I am still the same

Which version will I get tomorrow? The Lauren that "loves" me or the Lauren that makes me feel like everything between us is a part of my imagination? Who denies the love I thought we had..

Monday you had my heart
Tuesday you had me screaming
Wednesday we didn't part
Thursday you didn't mean it
Friday I shook it off
Saturday you got it wrong
Sunday I said I needed space

I can't go on like this, never knowing what I really mean to her. Maybe we do need space.

Do you miss me? Am I crazy?
Am I losing hold of your love baby?
Either you want me or you don't
I need to know, I need to know

I need her.

Who are you today?
Will you be the sun
Or the pouring rain?
Who are you tomorrow?
Will you make me smile
Or just bring me sorrow?
Who are you gonna be
When I'm lost and I'm scared?
Who are you gonna be
When there's nobody there?
Who are you today?
'Cause I am still the same
Who are you? Who are you?

Will she ever be proud I'm hers? tomorrow will she love me? Or hate me?

It's so strange how the same thing
Can make you feel so right
And bring you so much pain.
It's so strange how the same face
Can make you love until it hurts.
Where do we go? (Where do we go?)
I need to know (I need to know)

When we're alone, it's the best feeling in the world. She makes me believe I matter.

When others are around, all I feel is pain, heartbreak, worthless.

Who are you today?
Will you be the sun
Or the pouring rain?
Who are you tomorrow?
Will you make me smile
Or just bring me sorrow?
Who are you gonna be
When I'm lost and I'm scared?
Who are you gonna be
When there's nobody there?
Who are you today?
'Cause I am still the same
The same

Who are you?