"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 10 "shake the frost"

1995
Twitty 19, lee 15, jamie 14,Casey 5, beth 11

I stood in the mirror in my bedroom staring at my body that worse a pair of nice fitted jeans, with a belt and belt buckle, a Tshirt of a rodeo I went to when I was 16 and a flannel shirt draped over my shoulders. My hair was long past my butt and my makeup was flawless hardly noticeable. My skin was almost porcelain like my mother's. I was getting ready for a date with my new boyfriend Robert. He was picking me up Taking me out dancing. I walked downstairs into the kitchen where my mother was helping my siblings with homework. My mother looked up at me giving me an irritated look. "What?" I say. "where do you think you're going dressed like that" I furrowed my brows. "Dressed like what? I always dress like this?" My mother shook her head in disappointment. "Those jeans. The jeans make you look fat twitty" my mother stood with her arms crossed. I looked down at myself. "It ain't the jeans!" Beth giggled to herself. My mother pushed her head with a slight smirk on her face. She thought it was funny too. I looked down at the ground in embarrassment. "Go change" my mother demanded. I shook my head "no! I like this outfit! I'm keeping it on!" I crossed my arms. my mother walked around the counter to help my brother with his homework. "Fine. look like a cow. I don't care. Don't come home crying if the boy leaves you" she shrugged. I looked up as my hardworking father enters the kitchen. "Where you headed Conway?" He smiled at me looking me up and down. "Daddy how do I look?" My father gave me a very large smile "you always look beau-" my mother cleared her throat. He looked at her then sighed. "she looks fat John. Tell her"

"Evelyn please"

"No John tell her she looks fat and that she needs to change!"
My father looked down in defeat. He'd never stand up for me. Not when my mother is involved. "Twitty baby...how about you go change huh?" I bit my lip to hold back tears. Our attention shifted to the door as we hear a honk outside. I quickly jogged to the front door. "Good luck fatso!" Beth giggled. "Bethany!" My father yelled. I quickly went out the door to Roberts truck. "Hey honey" he says as he opens the passenger door for me. "Hey!" I smiled. "Ready for dancing?" I smiled. Robert shut the door as I got in. He began to drive quit fast. "I figured we could skip out on the dancing twitty" he smirked as he watched the road. I frowned a bit. "...okay... What..what else did you have in mind?" Robert didn't replied. He continued driving with a smug look on his face. After some time He pulled off on the side of the road where I would later find out was the train station. He put the truck in park. I looked up at him in confusion. "What are we doing?" Robert took my hand smooching it "I figured we could just...ya know?" He pulled me closer to him by my waist. He began to kiss my neck and feel my breasts. I pushed his hands away. "...n..no Robby...I..I don't feel comfortable with doing that..." Robert scoffed in irritation. "Don't you love me!?" He questioned. "Well..y..yes alot!"
"Then why won't you do this one thing for me huh!? I really thought you loved me!"

"I do! Robert! I do!"

"Then let me..." Robert unbuttoned my belt and slipped his hand in. I stared at his face as he stuck his fingers in my panties. I stared at him with fear. I stood like a statute. I held my hand on his wrist. "No..no! Robbie please!" Robert clenched his jaw as he grabbed my hands roughly. "N..no Robert-" he turned me around roughly slamming my head into the seat holding my head down. "You love me don't you twitty!?" I began to cry "m..mhm" i gripped the leather bench seat with my fingers. I felt him yank my jeans down taring my underwear apart. I squeezed my eyes shut as he used my body for his own good... At the time I felt like this was correct. This was love. This was normal. It only took me so long to realize it wasn't. I never had sex again. I went twenty years without sex. I never trusted another man again. After some grunting and gripping and scratching of my skin he finished. His seman smeared all over the back of my jeans and underwear. I stared at the ground in silence. He cleared his throat as he turned his truck on. "I'm gonna take you home now" he says. I looked over at his lap, At his unbuckled belt. "Since you don't love me. I might as well take you home" he stated. I didn't say anything. I just stayed quiet.

As we pulled into my driveway I sat for a minute. I waited for him to open my door. "for fuck sakes" he grumbled. He reached over my lap opening the door. "Go!" He mumbled. I leaned over with my lips puckered waiting for a kiss. There was no kiss. There was no response. I stepped out of the truck, but Before I could even close the door he slammed on his gas speeding off shutting the door with gravity. I stared at the tail lights. I felt shame. I felt guilt. I walked into the house. My mother sat at the counter with a mug in her hand. "You're back early" she says as she flips through the news paper. I slowly shuffled past her as I felt store in my lower region. "Told you he'd dump you. Should've listened to me" My mother snickered into her piece of paper.
"What do you know!?" I snapped. "What do you know about me!? You don't know shit about me!" My mother perked up at my voice. She looked livid. "watch your mouth!"

"No! I won't watch my mouth! All you ever do is call me fat! Or ugly! Or...or disgusting! I'm tired of it! What bout you! You...you have fucking stretch marks from having so many damn kids! You're hair is thinning from being fucking old! may I even mention your fucking mustache!? Huh!? It's growing in black! Eat shit mom! You don't know me!" My mother slammed her hands down on the counter top. "I've had enough of you! Enough!! Every day it's something new with you! Everyday you become an even bigger bi-"

"Bitch!? Yeah! I learn from the fucking best!!" I Interrupted. My mother stormed towards me with a wooden spoon. I blacked up against the kitchen door. The woman wacked me in the face then on the arm. She roughly turned me over bending me over a chair. She began to smack me with the spoon on my ass over and over. My mother felt it wasn't enough. She... like Robert, yanked my jeans down slamming the spoon against my bare skin snapping it in half. My mother suddenly stopped. She stared at my torn seman covered underwear. I was shaking so bad. I lifted my jeans as I sat in the chair staring up at her. Her face softened, but the anger was still there. She threw one half of the spoon to the floor. "He did that to you because of your whore outfit twitty. It was your fault" she said quietly for no one else to hear. Those words stuck with me. They stuck to my brain like glue. "I won't tell your father. You won't either. He doesn't need that fucking stress you understand me!?" She held the broken half spoon to my face. I shook in fear as I watched her. "He will never know about what happened to you tonight" I nodded in agreement. "Now go! Go!" She yelled as she sounded like she was going to cry. I ran upstairs as fast as I could. In the hallway I was met with Lee. Lee stared at me with sadness in his eyes. He knew. He's always known. "Twitty?" He says softly. I kept my head down. "what lee?" I say as I face my door. I glanced at him slightly my shoulder. "I still think you're beautiful" he smiled slightly. I was being choked by my tears. "Thank you baby" I pushed through my bedroom door as I drifted away in self hatred and self pity for the rest of my life

.....