"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

55 "uneasy"

My fingers clenched the white chipping wood of the pasture fence. I had just finished my first week of work at the 6666s ranch. Never in my life have a met such hard working men. These men busted their asses harder than I've ever seen. They make me want to push my fathers men a lot harder than they are being pushed now. For some reason I began to throw up. I couldn't breath. My head was pounding so vigorously I couldn't catch a train of thought. I was so nauseous because of my head ache. I couldn't breath.  "Twitty you alright?" Jimmy came up beside me handing me a bottle of water. I took a swig of water then spitting it back up into the dirt. "Shocked you even have anything in your system to throw up"  he chuckled. I didn't speak a word I just stood with my head in my hands. "Wanna know what you need? A night out" jimmy smiled. "Yeah fuckin right. What I need is a dark room with the ac goin" I shuffled my way to the shade of the building. I sat down on a bench then held my head in my hands. "Come on twitty. Ya know you want to" he smiled at me so sweetly. "Fine.. I'll give it an hour. I'm leaving immediately as soon as I feel like shit" I mumbled under my breath. "Perfect. I'll send you the address"

And he did. I came two hours late. I couldn't get myself out of bed. I couldn't get myself showered and dressed. I could hardly look at myself in the mirror... I was old. My had smile lines...dark circles.. my hair was long and full..my skin bruised Scard up and pale. I looked sick. I slapped on a pair of Jean and a blouse. Something appropriate for the setting I was going to. What was the setting you may ask? A fucking bar. I mother fucking bar. I walked my way in. Eyes shifted at me as they saw my old scared up face.  Most of them knew who I was. A lot of them kept their distance. I sat down at the bar alone as I scanned the room looking for jimmy. When scanning the room I began to feel dizzy. God I felt like shit. I blinked a couple times as I saw a familiar face. My heart sunk into my stomach as I saw Travis across the way. I turned my body quickly. I couldn't bare to see him. Suddenly pain devoured my head even worse. I placed my head in my palms as I held back my vomit. The room became muted as all I could hear were voices.

***
"A dog? Is a dog supposed to make me feel better about you cheaten on me?" I frowned. Travis shook his head "no..but I thought you could take care of him for me for awhile"

***
I can hear his fist pounding into my skull. Squash squash squash his fists went. My body shook in shock.  "I will never let anyone hurt you like that gain" Travis spoke on my ear as he took me into his arms

***
His smile was soft. His eyes and smile alone drowned out the noise behind us. His young soft featured gave me butterflies. "I'm Travis" he smiled as he held his rope in his fingers. "I'm twitty" my innocents smiled back at him. 

****
"You need to choose me and the baby or your stupid fuckin rodeo!! You can only pick fuckin one!!"
I could tell by the look on his eyes he was leaving... I knew he would..time after time he's left me feeling vulnerable. But every time he's come back to me...our love grew stronger and stronger than ever before.

****
The memory of his his love making played vigorously in the back of my mind. His sweet gentle words. His harsh loving movements made me miss him more and more.
My head was repeating his words...his memories. But suddenly Travis memories turned into horrific visions. Now all I could see was my baby girl being killed on repeat. My heart was pounding so fast I couldn't handle the fast pace.  God make it stop. My heart is going to fly out of my chest. Please god make it stop. I held my head in my hands and I tried to control myself in public. "Scuse me maam..that man over there bought you a shot"

Fuck! He saw me! I looked up at where the waitress was pointing at. It was a man around my age maybe older, who sat two seats next to me. I nodded my head at him "thank you...but I don't drink" I kept my head in my hands as I avoided eye contact with light. "One shot won't hurt ya" he smiled. "Nah it will" I slid the drink back over to him. He then slid it back "please baby I insist. Take it"