"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

56 "it aint always the cowboy"

I sat with my sliced hand in my lap. I watched as my finger tips regained their color. I shyly watched Travis from behind my finger as he tossed and poked wood into the fireplace of his million dollar home. I hugged myself tight while shifting my eyes across the magnificent room. "Isn't your wife gonna come home and find it weird that I'm here?" I cleared my raspy voice.  Travis rubbed the dirt off his hands before sitting down on the edge of his couch. "Nah. She left me about two years ago. She realized I wasn't making as much as I was and she left"

"She took the kid hm?"

Travis chuckled as he shook his head. "She said the kid wasn't even mine. She took everything from me that damn day I tell you that much" sadly I watched Travis finish a heavy glass of whisky. "How about you twitty? What's new with you" he stood up to lean over to me just to drape a warm fuzzy blanket over my freezing cold shoulders. I didn't respond to his question. I continued to stare off into space. "How's your old man?" He asked as he handed me a mug of tea. God I hated tea. I stared down into it. "You okay?" Travis confirmed as he poured himself a whiskey. "I'm fine" I whispered. "He's.. he's dying" I spoke as I stared deeply into the fire. Travis's face frowned. "Dying? What do you mean dying?"

"He had surgery years ago to remove a cancerous tumor....long story short it came back.. the cancer has spread to everything in his body..there isn't any help for him" I kept a straight face, a strong face. As if I wasn't bothered or as if I knew what I had to do to carry on. "I'm so sorry to hear that twitty..I didn't know"

"No one knows..just don't repeat it okay?"

"Alright twitty alright" Travis and I sat in some more silence for awhile. I could tell he was concerned about me. His eyes lingered and examined my every need. "How's the kid birdie" Travis asked as he lit a cigar. He sat puffing it and puffing it so casually. "Hm?" He grunted to make
Me respond. I shut my eyes then dug my fingers into my dry and tired sockets. "How old is she now?"  I pulled the collar of my shirt away from my throat as I cleared my throat. I was finding it hard to believe. I was finding it so hard to say. I have never said anything about my baby to anyone..I haven't spoken about it at all since it happened. I began to get light headed. "She's...gone" I spoke very lightly. I stared down into the hot cup of tea in my hand. "What's that mean?" He chuckled. I gulped down what I could. My throat felt as if it was closing. "She..." I stared up at the ceiling trying to control my emotions "she was killed-" I squealed as I gulped down my tears. I shut my eyes tightly. I didn't hear a single sound come out of Travis throat. He didn't even move a muscle. "I got her killed. All for my own selfish desire ..I ruined her life." I whispered as I began to sob "I scared her for the rest of her life...just to Cause her nothing of a life at all" weakly I dropped my mug to the floor. Without hesitation Travis was at my feet wiping it up quickly. As he did so he stayed and sat at my feet. He held my hand then laid his head down on my lap. "I'm sorry" I shook my head as did my hands. Travis didn't respond. He just stroked my hands as he listened to me. I shut my eyes to calm myself down. Nothing ever worked. I yanked at my collar as I felt it getting tighter and tighter. "When I was in my twenties I thought I had it good. I had a good job, a good relationship with everyone, I was hot and healthy.. until my fathers ranch hand-" I was stuttering. I could see his face in my mind. I could hear his laughter of him and his friends from that night. I could hear it all. I could feel the pain he caused on my lower half. I could feel his fingers scraping my insides. "Mother fuckers didn't even care!" I shouted out painfully "that mother fucker let him live for years! Twenty fucking years! Just so he can come back and hurt me more infront of my fucking child!" My face was hot yet my fingers were cold. I was letting out anything I could to make me feel better. "I beat him. I beat him until there was no skull left. I beat him to bad.. she watched it all..she saw it all"
"Where was rip"