"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 38 "burning house"

I squinted my eyes open as the feeling of a stabbing sensation shot between my skull. Sitting up I looked down at piles of soaked towels filling the floor. I stood up on the now somewhat dry floor slipping on my slightly damp clothes from last night. I picked up the towels carrying the sloppy cloths outside. I glanced around at the scene. There were many horses than there was yesterday and the days before, there were also a lot more rodeo champs who I have never seen before. Everyone gathered around the watch the champions in awe. Travis sat on a horse as he spoke to some of his guests. He hadn't noticed me yet, we were so damn drunk I'm kind of embarrassed to make any sort of contact with him. After some time I was able to get home and get cleaned and dressed. I slipped on a tank top and jeans, along with my regular boots. It was around 9am. I opened Jens door to notice she was gone. She must've gotten up with her daddy. I planted my hat on my head along with a pair of sunglasses, then made my way back to where I started. Walking up, i smile at Jennings being cheered on by the boys. "You gotta swing it higher baby! Higher! Yep! Just like that! Keep it steady!" Ryan called out as him and Lloyd began to teach her to lasso. I placed my feet on the bottom of the fence to hold me up higher. I stood beside rip. "Ain't she a natural?" He smiled proudly. "She's got skills like her daddy" I laughed softly as I rubbed his back. "Shut up Ryan! I'm doin it God damn it!" Jennings nagged at him. Ryan backed up from her. "okay damn!" He laughed loudly as did the other cowboys. I snorted laughter hiding my face in Rips arm. "She's got her damn mouth from her mama that's for sure" rip chuckled aloud. We watched as she lassoed almost perfectly in the air. She was so stoked that her bright blue eyes turned even brighter. "Cast it baby! Toss that thang!" Rip called out. Jennings released the heavy rope against a fake calf wrapping the lasso around it's neck. Everyone, and I mean everyone cheered loud and proud. She stood up on the horse and chanted "get shit on Ryan!!" 

"Jenny!!!" I shouted. She looked over at me quickly "sorry mama" she called out before hopping off her horse. She ran to give others high fives. "Alright sugar" rip patted my lower back. I glanced back at him "where you headed?" I questioned. "John wants me to handle some business with Casey" he says. "Casey? What business Casey got?"

"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about"

"Woah woah hold on now rip" he turned to face me again. "What about me? I mean I'm capable of doing things too."

"It's messy work darlin"

"I'm not new to messy work" I say as I slightly pull my shirt down to show my scar. Rip shook his head. "No honey, you're a mama now. You don't do them things anymore. You stay here. Boss these boys around. I'll do the dirty work" he opens his sunglass from his pocket placing them on his blue eyes. "So that's how it works now huh?"

"Take it up with the big boss mama. I'm just the messenger." He says before stepping away. I sigh heavy. "Jen! Come kiss daddy goodbye. Come on!" I call out. Jennings dropped what she was doing then ran over to her father. She was held up by his large arms then kissed by his big heart. "Can I came daddy?" She asked with a bright smile. Rip patted her bum as he kissed her again. "Not this time little lady. You stay here and push them boys around with your mama" he smiled setting her back down to the ground. She sighed then threw her head back with a groan. "That attitude ain't ever gonna get you anywhere"

"Ain't, ain't a word daddy! Get smarts!" She called out. Rip shoved her head as he walked away. "You get smarts! I'll see you later baby"

As rip left Jennings saw opportunity to play out in the pasture. Without hesitation she ran to the gate, freeing herself from any chores I had yet to set. I walked to the gate. "Jen! You've got 1 hour before I come and find you!"  I shouted out. Jennings flailed her hand in the hair "I hear you ma! I hear you!"
I rolled my eyes with a smile as I shut the gate behind her, on my way back I began to eavesdrop not on purpose. "Heard that camper shakin last tight trav" Westin, Travis main hand  snickered. "Yep. Those things happen when you're as stunning as me man" he chuckled. I rolled my eyes "How was it?" Westin asked as he sat up on his horse. A group of his men stood around them, listening and gossiping with them. "It was alright. Tight. For an easy girl she sure is tight" they cackled to one another like men do. I furrowed my brows as I walked quietly behind them "Nice and around in the chest their Trav?" Another one of his men smirked. "After one kid they tend to sag you know. Hit the floor" he laughed hysterically. I frowned heavily. I crossed my arms hugging myself. I couldn't believe he'd talk about me in such a way. "two months away from your wife and you choose to fuck an over Used heifer" Westin snorted. "Gotta make due with what you have boys" Travis looked back at Westin then back behind him at his other boys. His face dropped when he made eye contact with me. It's as if he could feel my heart sink from miles away. He wasn't laughing anymore. Quite honestly he looked more ashamed than I've ever seen him. I gulped down my upcoming tears. I gave him a nod then hung my head before quickly walking away. I've never left myself feeling more dirty in my life. I've never felt so used and disgusted in myself. I joke around alot, I like to laugh, I like to have fun, I don't hurt people for the hell of it. I've never done anything to deserve his wrenched empathy. I released a tear into my palm. my heart shattered. "Twitty!" He called out. I kept walking. I could hear his men hissing in a burning matter behind us. "Twitty you know that ain't true! You know I didn't mean it!" He grabbed my arm. I spun around smacking him hard with a closed fist. Workers gasped and laughed. "Fuck you! You're a pile of dog shit Travis!"

"Twitty bird, I didn't mean it darling" his voice cracked quietly, but at the same time he had a slight smirk. He tried to continue the smart ass reputation for the men behind him.

"You're a pig. I hate you. I hate you with everything you're worth. I wish I never laid eyes on you. I wish I never touched you. I wish I never shared any kind of feelings for you" I was holding back my tears so hard I couldn't speak. His eyes saddened, his posture sunk. "Twitty...."

"I hate you Travis Wheatley. You can take your fuckin dog, your fuckin horse! Our fuckin past and shove it up your ass. I hate you" and I meant it. I was hurt. I wanted to curl up and cry. He stood in defeat. "You might wanna let your little boys know who the fuck I am, tell them before they keep laughing and make a fuckin mistake by meeting the barrel of my fuckin gun, you hear me?" Travis rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Yep. I hear you.."

....

It was around 6pm. I stood leaning on the fence waiting for Jennings to head back home. "Come on jen! Let's go!" I shouted. No response. "Jen!?" I yelled once more. No response. My heart began to pound. She has always been near by. This is the first time she has not responded to my calls. With no minutes to spare I grabbed Hank, my horse and ran quickly into the woods. "Jenny!" I called out. "Jen this isn't funny! Get your ass home now!" I yelled loudly. Suddenly a loud snap shouted from behind me. Hank tossed himself on his back feet tossing me flying back onto the ground. With a loud scream I hit roots of a tree.  Staring up at the trees my vision became blurry. I felt hands grasp my throat. Legs straddled my waist. Finger tips began to squeeze. I panicked trying to reach for my pistol. Without any luck my temple was pushed against by the same gun I reached for. I was frozen and stuck. I stared above me at the figure that had me under his control. "I knew you'd show up" the old voice spoke. I gulped what I could against his raging clench.  Then I saw him. Wade Morrow. I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't find words to say. I stared up at this man who stole my innocents as a child. "Where is my daughter" I spoke choking to death. "Oh that sweet thang is your daughter?" He smirked. My fist clenched. "Man she's a feisty one. Reminds me of you when you were younger" he smiled. "Where is she!" I yelled. He threw a fist. "Shut the fuck up! I'm talking!" He applied pressure to my throat, pushing my head into a rock. He pulled away from my throat keeping the gun to my temple. "Let's see what you've grown into" I was frozen. I was terrified. Nothing terrified me more than this mans face. His face was the only face to ever visit me in nightmares, not  any of the men I've killed, not the men who abused me, only wade Morrow. "I need you to send a message to your daddy for me. It ain't from me. It's from my boss" he took a knife to my jeans tearing them open. I didn't speak. He kept the gun to my skull as he had his way with me. I turned my head staring off into the woods. I resisted as much as I could but I was in shock. I stared at a rabbit in the brush eating what it could scavenge on the ground. It reminded me of my child. The soft gentle love of a child. The curiosity one has to explore and scavenge. My heart broke. Tears streamed down my face so helpless. The fire brought upon me between my legs burned so bad and so painfully I couldn't take it anymore. I clawed at his grip. I fought him. He slammed my head down on the ground pushing down with all his weight. "Stop fighting you fucking bitch" he yelled through gritted teeth. "Get off me! I'm gonna fuckin kill you!" I screamed. I was panicking. My chest was getting tight. I was hyperventilating as I fought against him. He pulled the trigger of my gun that sat at his finger tips. The bullet doesn't shoot me, so I continue to fight. I grasped my fingers around a large rock my head had been slammed against moments before. With a couple swings he knocked back. I straddled him continuously slamming his face in with a rock. I screamed and cried as his membranes filled my face, hands and body. He was dead. I knew that, but I continued. The pain i felt by him and the betrayal of my father was being released by ever crack in the skull. "Mama!?" An innocent voice cried out yards away from me. I held the rock in my hands and stared at it. I processed what was happening for a moment. I then looked up at my sweet innocent bunny watching in the brush. "J...jenny" I cried. Her eyes were wide. Her skin was porcelain and pale. She was breathing hard as she was shaking. "J..jenny" I reached my gory hand out. She screamed louder than I've ever heard. She was terrified. She ran away from me like I was some kind of monster. "Jenny! Baby! Please!" I called out. She was gone. She ran in the direction of home. What have I done. Everything I ever wanted for her was gone. I just ruined her life. I should've just sat there and let him kill me. If I didn't yell or scream she wouldn't have came running. She wouldn't have heard a gunshot. What have I done.