"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

50 "save me"

I sat at the bar nights upon nights upon nights. I never went home. I stayed at that bar, avoiding any sleep. I sat at a table staring at whoever was singing that night. I couldn't tell you a single song that was played, I couldn't tell you the date, or the time, nor how many fingers I had. At this point I ran out of pills. I just started snorting whatever I could find off the back of the toilets. I was so fucked up. I couldn't stand on my own. I spent nights talking to bar sluts and early birds. I couldn't tell you a single conversation I had with them though. I couldn't even tell you what they looked like. "A drink!" I slurred at the bartender. "Twitty. Your card as been declined. It's Ben declined for the past four hours. I think it's time you head home" he spoke. I glared at him. "There ain't...there isn't no home where I came from" I hiccuped. The bartender looked worried. He watched me very closely every night for my own safety. "declined? Fuck that mean? My old man is made of fuckin green!" I spat as I slammed my hand down. "Twitty. Darlin. Hey baby girl" a familiar voice spoke. I glanced over at Lloyd whose face softened with concern. "Hey. Give me a couple fuckin dollars will you? I needs a whiskey" I giggled to myself. "Nah honey. I'm here to take you home" he spoke sweetly. "I don't got no home llodie bird" I giggled again. "Yeah you do honey. You just haven't seen it in awhile. Come on" he pulled up my arm gently. "I ain't goin. I'm staying here"

"Twitty girl...you've been here for weeks. Let's get you home" he gently pulled me towards the door. "Fuck that! You got a couple dollars I can barrow?" I ask as I followed with him. Lloyd shook his head as he led me to his truck. "No baby I don't. I was instructed to not give you money"

"Fuck? Who int-truck-ted that shit?" I stood outside the truck wobbling in place. "Your father" he spoke with a sigh. "My FATHER?" I spoke with Drama in my voice. "Yes Twitty your father. Come on now. It's cold out here let's get you inside the warm truck" he held onto my arm again with a little more ease. "you ARE my fucking FATHER!" I shouted slightly. Lloyd looked down at the pavement. "You...you were the only fucking father I fucking neeeded lllooyyddd. Youuu were the only man to ever give a fuck about me! You're my father! You fucked my fuckin rotting corpse of a mother"

"Enough twitty! Don't talk like that! I ain't your daddy!. I never was your daddy. John is your daddy. He took you in and raised you. He is you! No get in the damn truck!"

I scoffed as he spoke. "You're just like him! Throw me away to the fucking wolves! Just like every man I've ever had in my life Lloyd! Every man! Hurt me then throw me away. Just like John, just like fuckin rip! Just like everyone." Lloyd managed to get me into the vehicle. "Drop me off at the bar down the road. See if their card reader works better"

"No Twitty. You're going home"

"You're funny"

"Your father canceled all of your cards. All of them. He called each and every bar in this town. He told them not to serv you! You're hurtin twitty! You need help!" Lloyd was honest. He never lied to me or kept anything from me. He was the father I needed, not the father I got "The fuck! I'm a grown ass woman!"

"A grown ass woman who needs time to heal butter cup. You gotta get home and get your ass a shower and a shaving. maybe even a little rest. Some food too. You're a skinny as a box of pretzel sticks twitty stick" he cackled aloud at his own joke. I poured a a smile appeared on my lips. "Oh Lloyd...good God" i held onto my knees. I placed my eyes on my palms. "What have I done" I muffled as I sighed. I hadn't cried in weeks. I had gone completely numb. I didn't feel like I was alive. Lloyd frowned as he glanced over at me with sorrow in his soul. "That feeling you're feeling baby is healing. It's all a process" he whispered gently. "I fucking need her Lloyd. I need my baby back. I've ruined everyone's life. I can never be forgiven!"

"Now that's enough twitty! You didn't do shit! You had no control in this situation! You can keep looking back and looking back, but it won't change a damn thing!" Lloyd raised his voice. It left me stunned. "You didn't do shit!" He got out of the truck then opened my door. He pulled my curled up body into his arms. He held my head head against his chest. "You'll be okay Twitty" he kissed my head before standing me up. "Straighten up Go see your father. Sober up" i gasped in some air to calm myself down. "I don't want to see him" I mewled drunkenly. "Hes ruined my life"