"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 21 "she's in love with a rodeo man"

2002

He kissed my neck as I sat on the edge of the passenger seat of his truck. He ran his hands up my shirt. "I'm gonna miss you darlin" he mumbled in my neck. My hands pushed him away slightly as I sigh. He pulls away. "What is it flower" he tucked my hair behind my ear. "I...I have to tell you something before.. you leave again" he watched me with concern. "It's only for a month honey" he rubbed his hand over my knees as he stood in the open door. I looked down at my lap with shame. "speak to me twitty girl" he held his hand on my cheek. I gulped down my pride. "I'm pregnant Travis.." I mumbled holding back choking tears. Travis let out a breath of concern. "Are.. are you sure?" He questioned anxiously. I nodded. "I'm two weeks late..took a test this morning" I looked away from him. He stepped back with his hands on his hips. "Jesus" he mumbled he looked away. I kept my head down. "I..I'm sorry I..I..I waited till now.. I..just.. didn't know what else to do." Travis rubbed his face as he paced the red dirt. "You sure it's mine?" I scoffed "serously?"
Travis shook his head "sorry! Twitty! I'm just shitting bricks right now! I can't be a father! I just can't! My career just started! I'm gone months at a damn time!" He ranted. "I've been with you and only you all summer...I..I'll come with you" I say with slight hope. Travis shook his head and his hand "no no no no. You can't raise a kid on the rodeo! Let alone wrangle a pregnant woman. It won't work" he huffed with aggravation. "I..I can't-" he groaned "twitty..I'm..I'm not ready"

"Travis...I ain't getting rid of it"

"I ain't gonna be here twitty bird. I ain't. I'm a rodeo man! You know how we are"

"So...so you were just...like..using me? All summer?"

"No! No! Twitty! Baby! I love you. I love you so much baby" he cupped my face "I didn't mean for this to happen..I..I ain't marrying you..but...but I will do my best to be here darlin I swear" I shook my head swatting his arms away as I slammed his truck door. "It's alright trav. I understand" Travis grabbed my arm pulling me into him. "I'll be back in...in. A month honey..then.. then I'll marry ya..then..then we can...then we can raise this baby together. happily. On a piece of land somewhere. How does that sound?" I could tell he didn't want to lose me. He wanted to keep me, although at the same time I could feel the force in his voice. My heart was telling me differently. I nodded as I wiped my eyes. "Good... Now...I...I gotta go twitty.. I'll..see you in a couple weeks. Alright?..you..you keep that...that baby safe ya hear?" He kisses me deeply once more before he disappeared for three months...

....

3½ months later

Loud large trucks pulled up outside. I sat on the porch swing holding my knees to my heart young Casey sat beside me as I helped him with his homework. I watched as Travis gets out tossing on his hat on his head. Behind him he hides a large teddy bear with a blue bow along with somthin else. He joggs up the steps to greet me with a large smile. "Hey flower girl" he says cheekily. I look up at him with nothing but a cold stare. He smiled fills with guilt. "Hey Casey boy why don't you leave your sister and I alone" Casey stared at him. "For twenty bucks I will!" Casey smirked. "I ain't got twenty bucks you brat" Travis chuckled with slight annoyance. "Well then I'm not moving" Travis look at me for help. "I don't have to go anywhere" I crossed my arms. Travis huffed. "this is for your sister but you can play with it for awhile" he pawned over a tiny boarder Collie puppy. My eyes widened. "A puppy!!?" He shouted as he grabbed the dog. Travis smiled. "His name is Waylon! Go play with him!" Casey laughed hysterically as the puppy licked his nose. The small boy held the puppy close rubbing inside. "I got you and the baby something" he passed over the teddy bear he bought at a gas station. I stared at it with no words to express. He sat beside me. "I'm sorry I didn't call. It's so busy on the road you know?" I ignored his apology. "Aren't you gonna talk to me?" He questioned as he rubbed the back of his neck. I stood up. "My friend Stacy saw you with a group of broads in Wyoming last month..." I say as I leaned on the banisters. Travis groans. "Oh twitty...that was nothing"

"Oh really? She said she caught you fucking one of them in your fucking truck! Sure as hell sounds like somthin. Did you pull that puppy out of her pussy?" I yelled. Travis sighed as he held up his hands in defense. "Twitty... baby-"
"No! You...you fuck around knowing you have a pregnant girlfriend at home! I thought you loved me Travis! I really did! I'm a fool! Instead of a fucking phone call I get a puppy!"

"I do! So much twitty! So fuckin much! It was a mistake! I'm sorry!"

"It wasn't a mistake! You don't call! You don't send letters! Nothin! All you fuckin rodeo men are all the same" I threw the bear at him. "I don't need that!"
"Keep it..for the baby"
I was tearful "there ain't no baby Travis!" I yelled loudly in his face. His face went pale. "What are you talking about?" He stood up slowly. "If you even had the smallest sense to call... pick up the damn phone you'd know the baby is gone!" I cried. Travis face dropped. He looked ill. "W...what happened?" I let out a sob "a... about..a..a month ago! I..I.. woke up..to a lot of stomach pains. So...so I called the doctor! But ...before the Doctor got there..my..my legs were..c..covered in blood" I cried softly. "It..it was gone..l..long g.. gone" I shoved him away a bit. "S...so you..coming here was a mistake..I..I don't want anything to do with you anymore Travis... You're safe now. You ain't got no reason to stay with me anymore!" Travis stood helpless and vulnerable. "I..I'm..so..sorry twitty.." he held his hands gently on my arms pulling me into his body. "I should've been there...I.. should've been.. better" he kissed the top of my head. "I think...we..we need to part ways Travis" I mumbled into his body as I held him against me. Travis nodded in agreement along with understanding "I need some...way..to..to heal..from this mess.. I haven't worked in days..my heart has just been broken" I sniffled. Travis held me. He stroked the back of my hair. "I..will always love you twitty.. always...I..I will always love you for the pieces of me that you once held. You'll..never leave my thoughts twitty bird..." I squeezed my eyes shut at his words. "I never thought of that child as an accident flower darlin...never.." We held each other for awhile. For a couple more moments. He was once the one that got away.