"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 13 "it ain't the whiskey"

It's been about two weeks since lee's death. I haven't been myself. I've spent most of my time at the bar. Everyone knew what happened. Everyone knew my brother was gone. They would watch me and stare. I could hear them whispering and talking shit. I didn't care. I didn't have enough cares to tend to. I looked up at the small TV on top of the bar. The news was on, talking about the two murders that had taken place. They showed the blood, the body bags and My dead horse. I shook my head as I looked back down at my drink. "Come on billy. You really gotta have this on while I'm sitting right here?" I looked up at the bartender. "Shit. Sorry. I wasn't thinking" he grabbed the remote shutting off the TV. I glanced over at Fred who sat a few seats from me. He was staring at me. I rolled my eyes and I finished off my drink. "You're still upset?" He asked. "Shouldn't you be back at the ranch? Ya know, working?" I glanced at billy who filled my glass back up. "shouldn't you?" Fred stood up moving to stand next to me. "I ain't gotta do shit!" I look at him. "Get away from me" I say. Fred chuckled. "Oh come on twitty I know you miss me" I burst out in laughter. "The only thing being missed is your fuckin toothbrush! Get away from me banana mouth" I stood up nearly wobbling over. "I got something for your mouth baby" Fred snickered. "I'm allergic to shrimp fred. I'll have to pass" I started to head to the door. He grabbed my arm. I looked back at him. "You're lucky I don't smack the shit outta you right here right now" I burst into laughter again. "No baby YOU'RE lucky you dob't smack the shit outta me right now..cuz IIIII!! Will blow your fuckin head off" I say as I place my hand on the holster on my hip "get the fuck away from me!" I grabbed his whiskey off the bar and drank it all the way until nothing was left but glass. "I'm outta here!" I tossed a wad of cash at billy. "that should cover me and that dumb son of a bitch's drinks. God knows he can't afford much, bless his heart"

"Fuck you twitty!!" Fred growled as he sat down. "You wish!" I leave the bar walking to my truck. I fiddle the keys searching for right one. As I attempt to insert the key into the door I miss a couple times. "Shit. Fuck yeah!" I say as I finally get it right. I unlock the door hopping in the drivers seat. It wasn't till I turned the key then begin to pull out when realized just how drunk I was. I was toasted. I was swerving through mail boxes and through traffic cones. I was gone. I didn't know where I was going either. I found myself swerving the streets on the reservation. I pulled up to Casey's home. I got out of my truck looking around. It was dark so couldn't see much. All I could see was the porch light shining onto Roberts old shit box. I reached into my backseat where I pulled out my rifle. I drunkenly loaded up the gun cocking it back. I began to shoot at Roberts truck that sat in Casey's driveway. For being drunk as fuck, my aim was excellent. I shot every window, every mirror inside and out and shot all four tires.

"What the fuck!! Stop!! Stop!!" Casey screamed as he rushed out the front door with a shot gun. I looked over with a smile. "Oh hey baby! What brings you here!" I put the gun down. "What he fuck are you doing!?" He yelled as he confronted me. "Aim practice!" I say as I giggle to myself. "Are you fucking drunk? Are you fucking insane?"

"No I am not! And yes I am! You pick what one is the correct answer. The answer is both yes." I giggled once more. "I can smell the alcohol on your breath twitty. What the fuck! What is wrong with you!"

"What is she doing here Casey!?" Monica screamed from the front porch. I looked over after placing my gun in the bed of my truck. I put my hands on my hips. "Well isn't it miss shit talker!"

"Fuck you call me?" She said as she stepped out of the front door. "Relax sweetie go back inside. The men are talking" I smirked drunkenly. "Get her out of here! Before I shoot her!"
Casey held up his hand as Monica held up a shotgun. "Monica gets inside I got this!"

"Nah nah let her soot! You're cute Pocahontas!" I say as I step close. "One more fucking step I swear to god Casey I'm blowing her head off!" Monica threatened as he she the gun up to me. "My god you cry so much!" I rolled my eyes. I stumbled a bit as I walked past Casey "don't you ever get tired of the constant boo hoping princess? I mean goddd damn" I picked up a bag that was beside a baseball mitt in the yard "I got a question for you! The fuck did I ever do to you!" I yelled from across the yard. She cocked the gun back "you cheated on my brother! You broke his heart!" She shouted. I burst into laughter, Loud drunken laughter. "Who the fuck told you that!?" Monica gulped. "Casey did!" I look at her in shock. "Casey did?..did he? You gotta be shitting me!" I looked at Casey. "DID HE!?" Casey looked down as he knows he lied to her. "He's a fucking liar!" I yell in his direction. "Excuse me!?" Monica scoffed. I stared at Casey as I stepped around him angrily. "You wanna know the fuckin truth!? Huh!? Princess?" I paced around Casey sizing him up. "When I was eeehhh... 19? Ish... your oh so loyal, sweet loving brother decided he was gonna pick me up for date. Dancing! he told me. Dancing! He told me to put on my best jeans! I was so excited! So what did he do? he picked me up, but the weird part is...he drove Half way there. he then stopped on the side of the road right? You following princess? Well, there my good ol 'boyfriend' held me down in this very front fucking seat and forced the innocents outta me! You catching my drift monica? How about you Casey!? My sweet! caring! little! fucking! brother!!" I walked to Roberts truck with a bat in hand. "this truck! Right here!" I pointed the bat at it. "not only that, I stayed with that sick son of bitch till I was 21!! My mother told me to!! Just so my father wouldn't find out about the fucking rape!" I smashed the bat into the truck angrily, screaming my truth. " The best part! He beat me! Every fuckin day he beat me!" I smashed the bat destroying the bars doors. I looked up at Casey and Monica "I guess beating your lover is just the native American way ain't it monnie?" Monica gritted her teeth as she held the gun back up again ready to fire. I began to beat the truck with the bat. I was so angry I continuously beat dents into the truck. "Twitty stop!!" Casey yelled as he ran towards me. "Stop twitty!!" Casey grabbed my arms throwing the bat away form the truck. "Get off me!! Get off me you piece of shit!!" I shoved him roughly. I stared him in the face as he backed up and I followed. "You knew the fucking truth! Yet you fucking lied! For what!? For That fucking bitches approval!? Huh!? So her mommy and daddy would fucking like you!? Hm!? Is that it!? Put your own sister up as the bad guy for your own personal gain!?" I shoved his chest angrily. "you watched him Casey! You watched him hurt me every day of my life!! You watched!!"

"You told me not to do anything twitty!!" Casey shoved me back harder back into the truck. "You stayed with him! You did that to yourself! That was your problem! Not mine! I gave you my word not to fucking speak about it! So I didn't!"

"You still lied! All because You liked that fucking native skank!!" As i released my last angry thought, Casey's fist connected with my mouth. I fell back into my truck. I held mouth in my hand. Monica gasped at Casey's actions "Casey what the fuck!" Monica yelled as she dropped the gun while she watched with concern. too much was happening at once. "...w.. wow!" I stood up trying to keep myself together. I stared down at my fingers that held my mouth blood that poured out from between my teeth "You hit just like mama Casey" I laughed aloud. "And that ain't an insult either...Jeeeesus your good" Casey stood shocked. He didn't know what to say or do. He looked like he wanted to cry. "I got the hint baby! I understand. I think I've overstayed my welcome" I wobbled to the driver side door of my truck and hopped in. I turned the key but the truck wouldn't start. "Fucker!!" I yelled as I punched the dashboard. "You're not driving like this twitty cut it out" Casey reached into my vehicle. I began to kick and push him. "Fuck you! Get out! Get out!"
"No twitty!!" He yelled as he tried to take my keys again. "Fuck outta here!!" I yanked the keys out of his hand. Casey had enough. I understand that now. I was so drunk and out of control I understand now. Casey grabbed me by my arms and shook me really hard. I stared up at him with tears running down my cheeks. "G..get a..away from me" I coward down into the seat afraid to move. Casey sighed in aggravation. He glanced down his driveway to watch a black ram pull up. I heard a door slam. Casey backed up from me. I looked up at rip whom stood before me. "You... fuckin rat" I mumbled at Casey as I looked down. "He's gonna take you home twitty. Get some sleep"

"Eat shit Casey." I say as I'm pulled up by rip. "Get off me!" I yank my arm away from rips grip as I stumbled to his truck. "The hell did you do to her Casey?" Rip questioned. "Mind your fuckin business!" I hallard. "Let's just fuckin go!" I fell to the ground as I spoke. I laid in the dirt in defeat. Rip looked at Casey. Casey sighed. "Just...don't let my dad see her like this. It'll make him upset.." rip nodded. he lifted me up. "I can..ffffuckin walk!" I slurred. "That you can't" rip says as he sits me in the front seat. rip buckled himself in the drivers seat. he looks at the wound on my face. "Who'd you fight for that one hm? did you deserve it? Did you make the other person bleed?" He questioned with a he chuckle as he drove. I stayed quiet. I looked out the window. "Talk to me twitty girl"

"....I killed him rip" I held my knees to my chest. I began to pick the thread off my jeans. He stayed quiet. He reached over and out his hand on my knee. He rubbed it gently with his thumb. "I..I caused all...all these problems...and..and in the end...I..I" I held my hands over my face. "Think about somethin else twitty girl"

"I can't get it out of my head June bug!" I migrated my hands over my ears. Rip watched with concern. He quickly pulled over halfway home. He moved down the bench seat, slowly moving my hands from my head. "I killed my baby" I sobbed. "I killed my best friend" rip shook his head as he took me into his arms. "No you didn't twitty girl. You had nothing to do with that. Robert had bad blood for your family the moment he realized he was a privileged Indian. He thought he could take your land from you and failed. That's on him. You know no one could take this land without dying for it" I sniffled as I laid my head on his shoulder. He rubbed my back soothingly. "Lee died the way he new he was gonna die. He Did what he wanted, what he loved. It ain't your fault" he kissed the top of my head. I felt so secured with him. I felt like I was in heaven with him. If only heaven was real. I pulled away looking up at him. I placed my hand on his cheek as I watched his face. He moved the wet strands of hair out of my face then wiped a tear away. I wanted him. I wanted him so bad but..I couldn't have him. It wouldn't work. I don't deserve his happiness or happiness with him. "Quit being so mushy" I laughed slightly. Rip smirked. "You feel better don't you?" He moved back into his seat. I rubbed my face groaning. "Goddd! Get me home... Im exhausted" rip reached over again patting my thigh. "you'll be alright twitty girl. Just live a little at a time"