"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 40 "the boxer"

3am. Her crying was unbearable to a mother's ears. The gut wrenching feeling you have listening to the sobs of your own child caused by your own mistakes is horrific. She was 6 years old terrified of her own mama. I sat outside her bedroom with my knees to my chest and my hands on the sides of my ears. Rip laid in bed with her trying to calm down what was left of Jennings innocents. She continued to scream at her father "she's gonna kill me daddy! She's going to hurt me!" She cried. Rip reassured her nothing would hurt her. "Your mama loves you Jen. Your mama would never do anything to hurt you. She was in a situation where she had to protect herself "

"No! She's not mama! She's a monster! I hate her!! I hate her!!" She spoke louder. Rip stayed quiet as he listened to her hyperventilating cries. Rip began to worry about her health at that moment. "Breathe Jennings. Breathe. Baby look at daddy, you need to calm down" her small hands clawed at her own cheeks with overstimulation. Her eyes were red and sore from the tears. I knocked on the door. Rip stood up and peeked his head out. His eyes were filled with hate and anger, not for me. Not for her, but for the man that caused this. He watched me with empathy. "Don't let the monster in daddy!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Rips eyes squeezed shut at her screams. He was filled with so much pain. "G...give her this..it..it'll help her sleep" I handed him a glass of juice that I had put a very small dose of Prozac. He nodded as he shut the door behind him. I could hear him calming her down with small words. I could tell from outside the door she was drinking. "I don't wanna sleep with her here daddy! She's gonna kill us!" She cried. Rip didn't say a word as he was trying to remove her mind from the situation. I curled up with my hand la back on my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut thinking some how I can wake up from this nightmare. After another hour rip steps out. I look up at him with streams down my cheeks. "You can't...stay here anymore" he says quietly. I stared back down at my feet. "I know" I whispered. I stood up slowly. "I should've never became a mother" a whispered once more. Rip didn't reply. He hung his head. "I'm sorry" he spoke. "J..just let me...grab some of my thing..." I limped into my bedroom. I grabbed some clothes some of my belongings. "Why did you do that. Just why?"

"I didn't know she was there rip." I zipped up the bag keeping my eyes away from him. "How didn't you know?"

"I didn't have time to look around rip"

"So you just go up behind some guy and killed him?"

"Some guy? Some guy!? Rip! Rip he fuckin-" I felt myself get dizzy. I chose to stay quiet pulling my bag over my shoulder. "You know what he did to me twenty years ago. You were there"

"I understand that Twitty. But our daughter was there"

"I didn't know she was there! I was being attacked rip!"

"You could've shot him" he nagged. My breathing got heavy as I was still in shock, still very distraught. "No!! I couldn't have!"

"Yes twitty you could! You could've ended it all sooner! Before she even made her way to where you were!"

"He was fucking holding me down rip!! He had my own gun to my fucking head!!" I gasped as I sobbed. I slammed my hands together as I spoke with each syllable. I gasped once more through my tears "he destroyed my body! I'm bleeding intensively! I tried rip!! For fuck sakes I tried!!" Rip watched me as I cried more than he's ever seen. He gulped the pain down his throat. "I tried! I fucking tried" I wiped my face quickly then cleared my throat after shaking the weakness off. "Don't you tell anyone. If anyone asks, just don't say shit"

"Twitty... You can talk to me"

"No. I ain't gonna talk about. Shit didn't happen. You didn't hear shit. You don't know shit. I'm gonna ago stay at my dad's or something. Now... I think you gotta take jenny camping this week with you...get her mind off of everything she's seen"