"To thine own self be true" Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 33 "rambling man"

I shook a bottle of milk after taking it out of a pot of simmering water, then slowly dripping the warm milk on my arm to test the temperature. I had a hard time breast feeding my daughter. I'll try to feed every night but my body was never successful. Go figure. I shook the bottle some more before hearing shuffling through the front door. There stood rip coming home at 2 in the morning. I ignore.his presents with zero greetings. "aren't you coming in a little late?" I questioned. I hear a loud sigh come from rip. "I ain't starting shit rip don't give me that attitude" I begin to walk past him as I wandered to the steps. He huffs. "I don't know what you want from me" he says. He didn't sound sober. I glanced back at him. "What?" I questioned. Rip rubbed his face. "This Twitty. What is this!" He shouts. I furrowed my brows. "Rip?" Rip shook his head. "Twitty what are we? What are we doing playing house?" He complained. I gulped. "N..no I-"
"I get I knocked you up. I get it. I got that. But.. what are we doing!" He slurred his words heavily. "We aren't in love!" He says stepping towards me. My eye turned sad. "You.. don't..love me?" I asked. "Nooo!" He snickered drunkenly. "I accidentally knocked you up! Woops!" He held up his arms In question. I frowned heavily. "So..what are you saying rip?...should...should I just raise this child on my own?" Rip shook his head frantically. "No Twitty. No. I'm not sure what I want. Other than to go to bed" he chuckled. Rip stepped past me to reached the stairs. I shoved my palm into his chest. "Rip. If you don't want me. Fine. But let me tell you one fucking thing. My child will never know we are not together. My child will never know you're seeing other fucking woman. My child is growing to grow up thinking her mommy and daddy are perfectly fine. You understand me? She will never see any flaws between us. I want my daughter to have a happy normal life!" The room was silent. Rip stared at the ground. "You fucked with me. You fucked with my feelings now YOU! have to deal with the consciences! You told me you loved me! You! You did! Youre the one who tricked me!" I held back tears. Heavy tears. He stared at me with heavy tired eyes. "I don't understand why you acted like you loved me for so long" I shoved the bottle into his chest. "You take care of you fucking daughter for once in your fucking life!" I quickly stormed out the door. I could feel my chest become tight, tighter it slowly became. I stumbled through the field as I paced the grounds. I slicked my hair back in my palms as I sobbed. Quietly I sobbed to myself. My life was never easy or blissful. No matter what happens it always ends up falling apart. I paced the ground continuing to sob. I could feel my heart breaking beneath my skin and bones. "Twitty?" I gentle voice questioned. I looked up as I quickly wiped any emotion from my face. "Uh..y..yeah?" I cleared my throat before turning around. Lloyd stood with two beers in his hand. "You alright?" He asked. I nodded before wiping my nose. "Yeah yeah. I'm fine. .what's up?" Lloyd's face had softened. He handed me a cold bottle. "another man hurt you again?" He questioned. I stayed quiet. I stood there in the grass like a lost hopeless child. Lloyd didn't speak another word he just held open his arms. The child inside of me was crying. My lip curled up as I dove into his arms. He squeezed me tightly as I sobbed. He stroked his hair not saying anything. "I gave him my all!" I sobbed. "I give everyone everything and what the hell do I get back huh!? I'll tell you what! Lies! Betrayal!! All for what!?" I broke down in Lloyd's chest. Lloyd stroked my hair and kisses my head listening to my pain. I pulled away from him pacing the ground again. "I don't want to do this anymore Lloyd! I don't want to do it!" Lloyd shook his head. "There are still good people Twitty"

"Not even my father is good!! He's a liar too!" I yelled. Lloyd didn't reply. He just stared at the ground. "My siblings are evil. My father is evil. Don't get me started with my mother" i scoffed. Lloyd looked up from the ground "I should've taken you away from her while I had the damn chance" he says softly. I turned around to look at him. "You knew?". Lloyd let's out a long breath. "Well of course I knew. I ain't stupid. Look at you! You're my beautiful baby girl. You look just like me god damn it!" He gave a small chuckle. I scoffed "and you weren't never gonna say anything about it?" Lloyd bowed his head once more with a moment of silence. "I promised your mother. Promise your daddy Twitty. Trust me I didn't want to. I was still there. I watched you grow.uo into an amazing woman. Seeing pain in your eyes all your life has killed me knowing I could never do anything about it. I never stopped loving you Twitty girl." I smiled slightly keeping his head bowed. I stepped to him hugging him once more a bit tighter. "What am I supposed to do now?" I questioned the universe. "Stay strong for that baby. Don't let her see the things you did. Teach her love that your mama never taught you. It ain't rocket since Twitty." I pulled away from him as I sat down on a tree stump. "Did you see who got rip plastered?" I questioned as I lit a cigarette. Lloyd nodded as he followed by sitting down. "He...was fiddling with your sisters again. Your sister is leaving tomorrow morning"

"Leaving?"
He nods "she's leaving for Idaho. Your old man set her up with some kind of business down there. She'll be gone for a while" I looked down at my boots. "So he drank cuz he can't stand to see her leave huh?" Lloyd shrugged. "That's something you'll have to ask him. Although, If I'm allowed to put in my two sense, I don't think it matters Twitty. She's gone. Make him be the man that you need. Her being gone will make him realize who and what is really important to him" I leaned back closing my eyes as the breeze swept over my body
"I don't care what he thinks anymore. I don't care about anything anymore"

....

It was around 3 in the afternoon. I stood with my hands in the back pockets of my jeans as I watched my brothers and father line up to hug my sister goodbye. Her bags were piled in her Mercedes ready for a long trip. I watched from afar with eyes that hated her, maybe not even hate. I do not think I could hate, but what is less than hate? Strongly dislike? my father stepped back after a long hug to admire her beauty and her presence, he then looked behind him at me cocking his head towards my sister. I let out a long sigh. Beth stood watched me with a slight attitude to her posture. I stepped over to her then took her into my arms. She wraps her arms back around me. Gently I placed my hand on the back of her neck, emotionlessly I dug my nails into her skin. Beth's posture stiffened up with fright. "You broke my fucking heart" I mumbled into her ear as I pulled away slowly. My over worked hands gripped the sides of her back and cheeks. "I love you with all my heart. I will always love you with every piece of me....but How fucking dare you" I whispered with a shaken tone. Beth didn't say a word. she pried off my hands as she stepped back. She cleared the fear out of her throat as she walked to her car. I didn't stand to watch her leave like the rest of them. I wandered back to my place at the pasture where Lloyd stood playing with my daughter. Reaching out my arms I gracefully picked up my baby girl and held her on my hip. Lloyd watched as my anger drove off in the car with beth. "you look happier already" he says. Bouncing my daughter I glanced up at him. "Not for long. She'll be back. She'll always be back"