The Stupidity Rewritten

Chapter 8: The War Begins (Samuel)

"Hey, Deverlon, did you hear the news? Alyssa's division declared war on us!" Yifan squealed, dashing into the room.

Not even one minute of silence? Great.

"Um, no, but can you please just get out of my room for a few seconds while I shop for premade paper darts?" Deverlon replied, remembering the paper dart fights from 10 years ago.

"No no no, that's not what I mean. The division declared, like, an actual war on us, like bullets and stuff like that," Yifan replied, eyebrows creased in worry. Upon hearing this, Deverlon spit the mouthful of Ohio Premium Water he had just been drinking, shouting, "What?" at the top of his lungs. "Does the Ngiam know about this?"

"No, I think, but I'm not exactly sure."

"Good. We mustn't let him know, if we all value our jobs!"

Just then, Kayden Tay burst into a room, with a box of office supplies. "You heard the news? Alyssa's division just declared war on us!"

"Of course I did. I'm not as dumb as some of you guys here. Let's prepare for the fallout, then,"

Grinning smugly, Kayden Tay waved two fingers in Deverlons face. "Ha. I'm two steps ahead of you, man. I've already got us each M-1911s, and a grease gun, in case it gets ugly. Here, get the boys here and I'll hand them out."
Soon, the Deverlon division assembled, and Kayden drew some items from a cardboard box. "Toilet paper? Why are you giving us toilet paper?" Duoduo asked inquisitively.

"What? What do you mean?"

At that moment, quite unfortunately, an Amazon delivery man stepped into the hall, clear discomfort on his face. "Um... the shipment got misplaced. Sorry. If you want, the weapons can come soon enough..."

"Great!" Kayden Tay said hurriedly, waving the staff out the door, clinging on to the hope that he could save some dignity. "When?"

"Next... January."

"It's March!"

"Look, I already apologised, dude! What more do you want?" the delivery man said in an offended tone. He adjusted his collar, shot arrows at Kayden Tay with his eyes, and eased out the hall's grimy exit.

"Well, looks like you and I have some talking to do," Deverlon swung around on his supervisor's recliner, which Duoduo had irritatingly sat on just the other day, and glared at Kayden Tay, now cowering and quivering fearfully on the corner of the room.

"You know what, boss? I'll just go out and get some weapons, no sweat," Yifan chipped in, in an attempt to raise his reputation with Deverlon.

"You sure? The war might have already started, for all you know," Deverlon asked, doubting that Yifan could actually tell the difference between a Glock and a banana.

"Yeah! I have a friend that sells weapons, see? I told you. Don't worry at all!"

With that, Yifan skipped, much to Deverlon's disgust, out of the office.

Half an hour later, Yifan came back with another box labelled stationery supplies and started handing out weapons. Unfortunately, Deverlon caught him taking out a banana from the box and went ballistic. After an explanation from an on-the-verge-of-tears Yifan that the banana was in fact a snack for himself, Yifan handed out everything that Kayden promised to buy, which was not good for Kayden's reputation at all, and taught everyone how to prime and aim a pistol.

"Bro, are you sure you're even qualified to do this? I could always hire a professional trainer with the money I'm raking in every month, you know," Deverlon muttered uneasily, staring at Yifan pulling a string on the wrapping of the ammunition.

"Yeah, I got training from the guy at the pumpkin farm when he was shooting the crows on the scarecrow,"

What has the world become?

End of Chapter 8:: The War Begins