An Unfortunate Mix-Up ✔️

Chapter 39: Back to Work

Jay makes his way up the stairs, scanning his hand on the scanner like he'd done several times before, hearing the door unlock. He goes through, shutting it behind him, before climbing the remaining five steps.

He stops at the top of the stairs, a smile forming on his face as he scans the desks that were ahead of him. Nothing had changed, or seemingly so. He makes his way forward, tossing his coat on the back of the chair like he had always done, before heading into the small kitchenette. A cup of coffee made, a lean against the counter, and a sip.

"Chicago coffee never tasted so good," he comments to himself with a sly smile, chuckling at all the times everyone had complained how awful it had tasted. 

He takes a couple deep breathes as he looks out towards the empty desks and chairs, knowing they'd be soon filled by his colleagues. He couldn't wait to bust doors alongside Hailey. He couldn't wait to bust chaps with Adam. He couldn't wait to compare notes with Kim and Kevin. Perhaps he was looking forward to being scolded by Hank once again for old time sake.

Another deep breath, and he couldn't shake the past couple nights from his mind. Sleeping was something that hadn't come natural for him since he returned from his first tour aboard. It only seemingly had gotten worse since then, with the nightmare from the night before just being one of several. There were flashbacks to previous cases, including that little girl. There were flashbacks to his times in the army, including ones where partners were shot. 

He just needed to get back to his normal. He just needed to return to the usual routine, and everything else would fall in place. That was how everything always was for him. Find his routine, get in the role necessary, and the rest of the world just fell where it needed to. Perhaps that's why he needed the job more than it needed him, as it was essentially his survival technique.

"I heard your back on the job, Chuckles," he hears, catching him by surprise as he hadn't expected anyone upstairs for another half hour at least. Though the smile couldn't help but appear wider as he looked towards Sergeant Platt with her comment. 

"That's Detective Chuckles to you ma'am," he replies for old times sake, causing her to chuckle back in response. A quick hug is shared, which was very rare for Trudy - only happening perhaps on a once a month basis. However, that was how much Jay meant to everyone and how happy she was to see him back in Intelligence. "May I ask why you are up here?" 

"Dropping off some files for Hank to look at when he comes in. He asked me to look into something and pull a couple strings." Jay could only roll his eyes, as it never failed to have Hank doing something that perhaps wasn't fully on the legal side of things. However, while he got mad at his ways on a regular basis, he knew they were necessary at times if you wanted to remove these people off the streets. "I can trust that you're not going to break into his office for a peek of your own."

"I know better." Trudy nodded her head, having seen the previous times Hank and Jay had disagreed. Jay was the only person to have argued with Hank, got away with a punch to him, and yet proven his point at the end of the day. It solidified the type of relationship they had, with a father-son type bond between them. Perhaps Hank was the father that Jay always dreamed and felt he should've had. "Trudy, can I ask you something?"

"Even if I tell you that you cannot, you're going to ask anyways..." Jay knew she was right about that as it seemed they always got something by the Sergeant when they wanted.

"Do the demons of your past ever bother you? Do they become too much that you have nightmares, flashbacks?" Trudy slowly nods her head, reluctantly. This was something nobody would ever see her admit, except perhaps Jay and Hank. "Does it get easier?" 

"It depends how deep they are, how much they bother you, and whether you can handle it. I have certain cases that still bother me to this day. I have certain people I still wish I could make up my mistakes to them. There are nights where I am sipping a glass of whiskey, and thinking about what could've been." Jay easily accepted the confession as he lets out a sigh, not moving from where he stood against the counter. 

"Since I came back, I feel like they've almost come back 10 fold. I keep thinking about people I've met, and failed to help. I keep seeing those that were wounded, where I tried everything I could and couldn't do the right thing. Perhaps it's why I am here as early as I am - not able to sleep because that's all I see. Perhaps that I want to return back here as soon as I can - to help someone else, to erase the feeling." He finally takes his eyes off the floor, allowing them to look over to where Trudy stood in the doorway. "Is that wrong? Am I doing the wrong thing by just avoiding it, and finding something else to cover it?" 

"You cannot run from your problems, or dig into them deeper. That just makes things worse. I thought Carmilla would've taught you that." Jay rolls his eyes, having grown old to everyone reminding him of that case gone wrong. However, he deserved it considering how much he put not only his own career, but the whole unit at risk. "As long as you're still looking for ways to still make it better - whether strategies or talking to someone, then I can give you a pass. Using a small mask to make it easier until it all becomes easy is fine. But don't allow that mask to stop trying to find the right answer, and heal fully. We all care about you, Jay. We're all here for you when you need us. Remember that." 

"That's why I came back to all of you - my family."