Diamond: The Promise

Chapter 32 "I want the world in my hands"

~Iria~

5/4/24

The constant murmur around me drowning out the rest of the world for me, the sound of gossip giving me a feeling of overwhelm. Why did other people's voices prevented mine from coming out?

I couldn't talk, my gaze was trapped by Erin's as I stayed motionless too. She had that fucking smirk on her face... Seconds later I found the strength to look away from her, then my gaze met Jackson, he had a triumphant smirk.

I thought about leaving, that was what everybody waited, right? Me to run away from the stage embarrassed between tears, they wanted me to feel ashamed, to feel defeated.

I win, you lose, was screamed in their gazes. I was supposed to turn into the helpless little girl who last stepped on this stage some years ago and remained frozen, I was supposed to ask for help to the only person who had been wanting to save me since the beginning.

But what if I didn't want that?

I smiled widely, I gave my best smile -forced most of the smiles that sneaked on my lips for theses past months- then grabbed the microphone, still placed at the height of my violin.

"Thanks for watching, I hope all of you have gotten a first idea of which of us have potential to be your prom queen and which of us is just a pretentious bitch who is well aware she can't win unless is cheating, right Valliers?" I stopped facing my spectators to face her, her smirk faced, she looked at me without knowing what to expect.

If only did she know that I didn't know what to expect from myself either.

"Such a beautiful necklace by the way..." I fixed my gaze on her chest, where that 'virginity necklace' hug. I could almost hear the beat her heart skipped.

That's it, ice girl, feel the shiver going down your spine, notice that feeling in the pit of your stomach that starts to taste like fear.

I left the microphone back on its spot before addressing a last smile to the spectators, then I walked out of the stage. I got into the backstage and left through the first exit door I saw, in my mind when I got off stage there was this Eminem's verses resounding in my head.

Guess who's back, back again
Shady's back, tell a friend

Now the confidence those verses gave me faded and the truly helpless and insecure girl took over most of me. I walked through the corridors with the only intention to leave that building, I had finished the first phase of the shitty program, it was late and I wanted to go.

Leaving Saley High behind I couldn't stop to think about where to go but keep walking, I walked and walked without being aware of where I headed. Noticing the sport center made me stop in my tracks, the huge poster in that same building where there have always been advertising for colognes, shoes or clothes made me stay still in the place.

A Levi's advertisement, my Levi's advertisement.

I watched myself from the sidewalk feeling small for how I had to look up to the huge poster, comparing to the size of that poster the height of the real me felt like the one of an ant. In the poster you could see the picture taken at Saturday's shoot, the one in which I looked over my shoulder, legs rather open as I leaned to give a first look of my ass in the jeans, plus the straps of my thong were visible... The worst part must have been the tattoo, the also perfect visible tattoo of a crown kinda hellish because of the lines making up that tramp stamp. I liked the pun with my surname at the time.

A chill ran down my spine warning me that this was bad. I didn't want attention, I didn't want the world in my hands, neither becoming a supermodel or anything like that. When I applied for the job I just thought that posing would take less of my limited energy than serving tables.