Dazed | Spencer Reid FanFiction

Chapter 10: Stepping Out of Comfort Zones

        "Annie, I have no idea what I'm doing!" Spencer whisper screams as he tries to swaddle baby Elliot. Luke and Alison have been gone for 15 minutes and Spencer is already panicking. This is honestly more practice for him than for me since I work in the nicu sometimes. I walk over and expertly swaddle the baby and pick him up, rocking him in my arms. Spencer looks baffled and says "I have no idea how you did that?" I whisper "practice in the nicu." Spencer nods, the connection finally clicking in his head.
I smile at him "you can be mad at me, I just wanted you to have a realistic idea of what it's like to have a newborn and I know Luke and Alison needed a break. Two birds, one stone." Spencer sighs and says "I get it and I know in the end it will be helpful, but I'm not happy with you." I smile and ask "but you're not mad at me either?" He goes to talk and I hand him the swaddled baby, making him shut up in a panic. I ask him "you delivered a baby not too long ago, why does this one scare you?" He searches for his words as he says "I had adrenaline coursing through me then and I'm so afraid I'll hurt him, he's so new and fragile."
I smile and shrug "babies bounce." Spencer's jaw drops in horror. I tell him "you can't shake a baby - NEVER shake a baby - but when they start toddling and all that good stuff, when they fall down they bounce and they're fine." Spencer is utterly surprised by my words and I tell him "I know you're a genius, but this is my livelihood." He nods, relenting to me, bouncing with the baby in his arms. I leave Spencer to hold the baby and bounce with him while I get a few things done around their house, hoping that the reset will help Alison a lot.
          Luke called me after their hospital visit and told me the doctor said Alison was suffering from severe postpartum depression. Alison doesn't want to take any anti anxiety or depression medications while breast feeding and I don't blame her for wanting that peace of mind. She is willing to go to therapy that was recommended by her doctor and she knows she needs help. Luke said the doctor was very kind and not judgmental at all towards Alison, she only wanted to help her not feel like this when she should be trying to enjoy this time with the new baby.
         I get their bedroom organized and clean their bathroom as well as complete all the laundry I could find and I finish up by folding it and putting it away to the best of my knowledge. It all took me longer than I thought it would, but I sincerely wanted to help my friends during this rough time. When I find Spencer again he's asleep on the couch with baby Elliot asleep on his chest. His hands are holding tight to the baby, he's such a natural at this. I make sure they're both breathing and I sit down at the other end of the couch as gently as possible and watch them in awe.
         I scroll on my phone for a bit until Spencer snores so loudly he wakes himself up. He jumps and immediately grips tightly to the newborn on his chest before making eye contact with me. He asks me with his morning voice "why didn't you wake me up?" I smile and shrug "you just looked so cute. Like you're meant to be holding a baby." Spencer laughs sarcastically "I think you still have baby fever." I smile and shrug "maybe." Spencer asks me "what happened to waiting a few years, angel? I'm not against it at all, but you're the one doing all the work if and when we have children. I just don't want you to rush into this and change your own plans because Elliot is the cutest newborn to exist."
           I smile just barely and move closer to him. I tell him "that's really sweet of you, Spence. You should get a say in this, too, though." Spencer sighs just barely and says "you will sacrifice so much to have children and I can't take hardly any of that burden on for you. I just want us both to be sure that this is for sure what you want." I nod and tell him "well I'm supposed to get my second depo shot next week, should I keep that appointment?" Spencer looks surprised at the question and tells me "Annie, you don't have to get that shot if that isn't what you want to do, even if you don't want to get pregnant we can find a different birth control method." I nod and tell him "I haven't really liked how the shot has been affecting me, but I don't want any birth control devices that can be removed. That pretty much just leaves the pill and the injection and we both know I'm horrible about forgetting to take pills."
        Spencer nods, playing with my fingers as he thinks. He tells me "well, we could always use condoms again." I screw up my face in disgust. Spencer chuckles and says "I guess that's a no." I laugh and tell him "I'm not that against getting pregnant right now." Spencer chuckles "it sounds like you want to get pregnant right now." I shrug and tell him "I don't know what I want. I just can't get the idea of a baby out of my head." Spencer nods "we could also try the rhythm method." I ask him "what's that?" He explains it to me "you take your internal temperature and track your cycle meticulously to see when you're most likely to get pregnant when you're ovulating. Once we have it figured out we have sex when you're not ovulating and avoid it when you are."
         I nod and tell him "that seems like there's a lot of room for error." He nods "that's true, a lot of catholic families use it because their religion is against birth control." I shake my head "that's just so dumb." Spencer chuckles and says "but we aren't catholic so we can use regular birth control if that's what we want to do." I nod and tell him "I didn't dislike the IUD, I loved it actually, but it hurt like a bitch when he took it out the way he did and I just can't get that memory out of my head." Spencer nods "I completely understand. You could also try the patch or the vaginal ring." I nod "is the vaginal ring hormonal?"
Spencer nods "I think so, it's similar to the pill but you wear it for three weeks and it is supposed to come out for a week so you can have a menstrual cycle." I nod "maybe that's what we should do?" Spencer shrugs "it's your body, I want you to do what makes you the most comfortable." I nod and stay silent for a minute. Spencer asks me after I haven't spoken for more than 60 seconds "what aren't you saying, Annie?" I clear my throat and ask him "one day, after we are done having children for good, would you be willing to have a vasectomy?" Spencer thinks for a second and nods "it's minimal pain and effort and it won't affect me hormonally like birth control will affect you. If that's something you would want for me to do in a few years then I'll do it."
I blink my eyes twice "really?" He smiles and nods "yeah, if it's the best choice for both of us then I'll do it." I'm in shock and tell him "I just expected more of a fight from you on that." Spencer tells me "if I weren't as knowledgeable about how minimally invasive a vasectomy is and how maximally invasive it is to just get an IUD inserted or removed, the right way, then I might fight more on it. It is minimal pain and a quick recovery, so it shouldn't be a fight. I especially don't want to put you in an uncomfortable position after what you went through with the IUD. It's just a lot smarter to unload the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest and expect no gunshot wounds."
        I smile at him and hug his neck "I'm just so lucky to have a smart and thoughtful husband." I can feel his mouth turn up in a smile before I pull away. He tells me "you're planning to bear our children, what I plan to do after that is all said and done pales in comparison." I give him a sweet smile and gently take the baby from him. I tell him "that's very sweet Spencer, I'm going to take baby Elliot for a little bit while you figure out dinner and get yourself ready for bed." He smiles and nods, leaning down to kiss my forehead before he walks away to the guest bedroom. I hold baby Elliot and rock him while he sleeps in my arms, I know soon he will wake and need to fed. For now, I'm just enjoying the stillness of the moment with my friend's baby.
          Spencer comes out a few minutes later in plaid pajama pants and a distressed graphic t shirt, still wearing his mismatched socks. He tells me "I ordered pizza and it should be here soon, why don't you go get in your pajamas, too? We will have a pizza slumber party with baby Elliot." I smile and nod, walking towards the guest room after handing Spencer the baby again. I pull out one of my more conservative sleep sets that is specifically reserved for when we are visiting somewhere and might see people while in pajamas. I put on the sleep shorts and I'm about to put on the matching top when I see Spencer's FBI sweatshirt. I put it on and immediately breathe in the smell of his cologne. Ever since the attack I have always felt safer wearing Spencer's clothes. I don't know why, but I do it every chance I get.
          I walk out to the living room and Spencer's focused on the baby in his arms. When he looks up to see me walking back into the living area his face lights up. He smiles and says "next time...I want you wearing just that." I hum and chuckle as I run my fingers through his hair "next time...I think it's my turn to punish you, Spence." His cheeks go pink at the realization and I smile at how shy he can be. I laugh before I say "I like it when you blush, I was afraid you would go pale at the thought." Spencer looks away briefly and says "I wouldn't have written it down if I wasn't willing to do it. Also, I want you to know, I wasn't going to force you to do anything you genuinely didn't want to do. My preference would be we come to a compromise together if you were completely not okay with one of the options, but if you didn't want to engage in anything like it at all I would've been okay with that."
         I smile at his sincerity. I tell him "I thought some of the things in there sounded fun, some more than others." He asks me with a raised brow "like what?" I take the baby from Spencer's arms and lay him down in the gliding swing, turning on the sound machine and the swing movement. I would have a guilty conscience if he heard such dirty things at such a young age. I sit next to him and tell him "the public play stuff sounds fun, scary but fun." Spencer chuckles "I know you like exhibitionism, but you aren't quiet or discreet in any sense of the words." I pout a bit at that "okay, but I can work on that. There are public places where me being loud might not be a problem." Spencer scoffs "like where?" I shrug "I don't know, somewhere busy. Like a..a factory, or a loud restaurant or club."
Spencer mulls this over and asks me "so, next time the team goes out to a club, you want me to sneak you away and fuck you over a disgusting bathroom sink and then we both walk out like nothing happened?" I'm practically drooling when I nod "yes." Spencer almost looks surprised. I tell him "maybe one day we can work our way up to fucking in an elevator." He rolls his eyes "what is it with you and elevators?" I shrug "I think the combination of an enclosed space and the knowing we could get caught is what intrigues me." Spencer shudders and says "I'm just not a fan of elevators, I don't like to be on them more than I have to be." I look at Spencer, mouth agape "baby, I didn't know that. I'll stop pushing for that so much. I thought you were just being a stick in the mud."
        Spencer smiles barely before saying "it's embarrassing, I'm a grown man afraid of elevators." I respond "it's not embarrassing and I've never even noticed you being nervous on an elevator before." Spencer shrugs "it's only on rickety elevators or ones that seem unsafe." I nod "well we don't have to do that if it'll make you uncomfortable." He smiles and tells me "thank you, I appreciate that." I ask him "is there anything else you're not comfortable with like...with public play?" Spencer thinks briefly and shakes his head "not that I can think of, but if that changes I'll let you know, angel." I blush at the nickname and smile as I lay my head on his shoulder. Baby Elliot continues swinging in front of us, sleeping soundly all the while.