Dazed | Spencer Reid FanFiction

Chapter 37: Adjustment Period*

Christmas is quickly approaching and I am overwhelmed at the thought of us driving home to Tennessee for Christmas. Spencer would say yes to staying home and Spencer would say yes to going. We just think it's safer for the baby to go via the car instead of an airplane. Spencer himself is terrified of the Petri dish aspect of airports and airplanes, so I won't subject him to also worrying about our brand new baby. He has continued to be a wonderful doting father and husband. His scruff has grown out a lot now and he even has a full blown mustache now. He looks so hot. I don't think he knows it, but that mustache may be the thing to get me out of the postpartum dry spell. Spencer would wait years if I asked him to even though he wouldn't particularly like it. He's said before that sex isn't fun for him if it isn't fun for me.
Right now we are both sitting on the couch and he has Katie balanced on his legs that are bent at the knee and he's leaning against pillows on the couch. I ask him "can I ask you a question?" He responds without looking away from the baby "mm hmm." I ask him "how many times have you taken care of yourself since I've had the baby?" His eyes dart to me and then back to the baby. He tells me "a few times a week." I narrow my eyes "how many times a week?" He shrugs "3 or 4...maybe 5." I laugh as I ask him "what has you so turned on when you're this tired?" He looks at me and says seriously "you being a mom and doing mom things for my child that you birthed is really fucking hot." I blush and ask him "really? Like what?" He narrows his eyes "why are you asking me this?" I narrow my eyes back "what are you hiding by answering my question with another question?"
         He chuckles and says reluctantly "sometimes you look very hot when you're breastfeeding and I'm embarrassed to say that to you because I feel like I shouldn't be turned on by that." I shrug and tell him "it makes sense that you would be turned on by that, you've been in that very position many times." It's his turn to blush as he nods. He says softly to the baby without looking at me "and I'm the only man to know your mom like that." I say to him "you really like the fact that you're the one who took my virginity." He hums and nods "I keep it safely locked in a vault in my heart." I raise a brow "that was very corny." He smiles and says "you love it when I say corny things." I blush again and he nods "exactly."
          I tell him "well I also find you doing dad things very hot myself." He raises a brow in surprise and doubt "really?" I nod "you in your sweatpants and scruff sacrificing time and energy to take care of the baby we made together. It's very hot." He blushes again. I tell him "I'm not ready yet, but I'm getting there." He gives me a sweet smile "take your time, baby." I ask him "when do you do it?" He asks "do what?" I answer suggestively "take care of yourself." His eyes dart to me again before he says "if I do it, it's when I shower." I realize then that I haven't seen him shower in a while. I ask him "when do you shower?" He tells me "before I go to sleep during my sleep window. It helps me wind down." I ask him "the orgasm or the shower?" He shrugs "both."
          I ask him "when she goes to sleep again will you please let me take care of you?" He looks at me surprised "why do you want to do that when I can't reciprocate the action?" I shake my head "it's not about reciprocation, it's about taking care of you. Do you only do sexy things to me for the sake of reciprocation?" He carefully sits up a bit with the baby still against his legs when he shakes his head "no, absolutely not. It's because I love you and I like knowing that I'm making you feel good." I laugh incredulously "that's exactly why I like taking care of you, too." He sits back a little like the thought never occurred to him.
He nods and says "okay, if you want to later, I'm definitely not asking for it or pressuring you or making you feel like it's something you have to do." I nod and agree with him "it's something I want to do." He sighs and says "first off this little princess has to go to sleep." I laugh and tell him "yeah, you're not calling me that in bed anymore." Spencer chuckles and shakes his head "definitely not." He stares at our beautiful baby for a long second before he says "you're really going to have to work on being quiet now that we have a baby." I shrug "we can figure it out. See how many closed doors and sound machines I can scream over." Spencer chuckles "is that a challenge?" I laugh "one for when she's older. I do think letting me have some fun with just you is going to help me ease back into the process." Spencer nods "I know giving birth and the recovery after was painful for you." I nod with wide eyes "quite the understatement."
Spencer chuckles and nods "I will never understand what you went through, but I can patiently wait for you to feel ready to do that again and/or practice planting another baby." I laugh at him reiterating Jack's words from Thanksgiving. I nod and tell him "thank you for your decency." He sighs and says "I worry about my gender when you act like other women beg for the bare minimum." I nod "the majority of men are not decent, Spencer. That's why I waited so long and that's why you got my virginity." He smiles and says "like I said, I considered it an honor then and I still do." I smile back and tell him "you were worth the wait, Spencer." He smiles and says "I know I didn't wait nearly as long as you did, but you were worth waiting for as well."
I smile and tell him "Spencer, you're going to make me cry. I can only hope Katie marries a man who treats her as well as you treat me." Spencer shakes his head "she is just not going to date ever." I laugh and say to Spencer "that's okay to say now, but you know if we are super strict she will probably just be rebellious and sneak out and do worse things than either of us did in our teen years." Spencer sighs, he knows I'm right. I tell him "when she's old enough and meets a nice boy, or girl if that's how she swings, we should let her go on public dates or have a boy, or girl, over here to watch tv or swim or something."
Spencer hums and says "I'll think about it. I don't want her having unmonitored access to the internet. I don't want her to fall into any of the traps that the people I catch set for young innocent girls." My heart stops when he says that. I hadn't even thought of that. I start to say "Spence-" but I get cut off by him continuing his spiel. "She's at even more risk than the average little girl just because she's my daughter. She can hate me if she wants to for making her uncool or unpopular, but I'd rather know for sure that she's safe and not an easy target."
I sit up and look at him and respond "Spencer, I agree with you. Just by the amount of times I've been kidnapped I don't want that to happen to her either. I worked very hard on her. We are going to do hard things if necessary to keep her safe. She would find another reason to hate us as a teenager anyway. They make phones now that look like smart phones but don't have social media. They're called bark phones. We could do something like that so we can track her location and text and call her when necessary for safety reasons, but let's cross that bridge when we get there, okay?"
Spencer nods "I know I'm getting ahead of myself, I just love her so much and I want to protect her." He looks at me for a second and then says "that doesn't mean I don't love you-" I cut him off and tell him "I'd save her over you in a heart beat." He laughs in relief and nods "I'd save her over you in a heartbeat, too." I nod "if you save me when you could've saved her I'd never forgive myself for surviving when she didn't." Spencer nods "me, too."
          Katie starts to get fussy, so I take her from Spencer's arms and feed her. He tries to avoid my gaze while I feed her and I tell him "dude, you've seen my boobs probably hundreds of times. You don't have to avert your gaze because I'm breast feeding." Spencer sighs in exasperation and says "I know, but it feels wrong to watch when you're feeding our baby and have the thoughts I'm having." I laugh and shake my head "Spencer, it's okay." He gives me a grateful but still sad smile and stands. He kisses me on the forehead and says "I'm going to go clean the bottles and the rest of the kitchen." I nod and smile, grateful for having him around while working through this change in our lives. 
          I'm finished feeding Katie and now burping her while Spencer finishes up in the kitchen. Katie lets out a few big burps, making both of us laugh. When I'm satisfied she has gotten all of the air bubbles out of her system, I slowly stand and go to her  nursery to rock her in the darker room so that she can wind down for a bit. I am not sure if it helps much, but I feel like it might help a little. I stand and rock her for a bit and turn eventually to see Spencer standing in the doorway, looking at us happily. I whisper to him "what?" He shakes his head with the smile still "I just love seeing you with our baby." I smile and tell him "you don't have to wait in here for me, I'll get her down and come find you." I can tell he wants to argue with me, but chooses not to argue with me. He smiles and nods, heading back towards the living room area.
          I talk to the baby and tell her "your daddy loves you so much. He loves me so much, too. That's why you are such a lucky baby girl. You are so loved by so many." I hum her to sleep before setting her down in the crib. I make sure she doesn't stir and turn on the sound machine and turn off the main lights, leaving a plug in night light on and shutting the door behind me. I walk out to the living room and Spencer is watching the news and sitting on the couch. I turn on the baby monitor video feed and set it on the side table by the couch. I walk over to Spencer and sink to my knees in front of him. He looks startled by my actions. I look at him and say "she's asleep now." He gulps and says "baby, you really don't have to-" I cut him off with a finger to his lips and say "no, I know I don't have to, but please let me. I'm fine."
           He smiles and says "I never thought I'd have a beautiful girl on her knees at my feet begging to suck my dick." I narrow my eyes and say "don't get too used to it." Spencer chuckles and nods, lifting his hips to pull his sweatpants and boxers down. His half hard dick springs to life and I begin using my right hand to stroke him, using my thumb to spread pre cum with every pass of my hand. He groans with every pump and I begin to feel more confident in my abilities. I'm quite out of practice since having our daughter.
         When Spencer begins to buck his hips, I take my mouth to his dick, only placing my mouth around the tip and swirling my tongue around it. Spencer quickly sucks air in through his teeth as I slowly take more of him in my mouth. I go as deep as I can handle before using my right hand stroke what I can't fit in my mouth. Once I get a good rhythm going, I use my left hand to play with his balls. I can tell he's not going to last much longer because, with every movement of my mouth and hands, I can feel his resolve crumbling. It's been over a month since we did anything, so I'm surprised he's lasting this long.
         I remove my mouth, but continue the movements of my hands while I catch my breath. I ask him "are you close?" He nods and takes heaving breaths. I go in for the kill, placing my mouth back on his leaking cock and stroke his perineum with my left hand. Spencer lets out a string of expletives as he cums down my throat. I make sure to swallow all of it and even try to give him a few more licks to gather anything I might have missed. I place a kiss to his tip, making him jump in surprise. I laugh and lean up to kiss him on the lips. He returns the kiss briefly before pulling away to tell me "you really haven't forgotten anything." I shake my head and laugh, briefly connecting our lips one more time.
         Spencer redresses himself, putting his dick away, and I ask him "do you want to shower or anything?" He shakes his head "nah, it can wait. You need to get to sleep, though. It's your sleeping window now." I smile and tell him "I'll go to sleep, but wake me if you need anything, okay?" He nods and I ask "promise?" He nods, holding his pinky out as he says "promise." We connect our pinkies, making me giggle. I also connect our lips before standing to go get ready for bed. He smiles at me and tells me "I love you, get some rest." I look at him "I love you, too, Spence." I make myself stand and walk away to go to sleep because I know I won't if I stay sitting with Spencer.