Dazed | Spencer Reid FanFiction

Chapter 4: Porcelain

I wake up and feel that the space next to me is cold. I hear Spencer flipping through papers and talking quietly on the phone. I check the alarm clock and see that I've slept nearly 3 hours. Jet lag is really hitting me I guess. I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I freshen up a bit and throw on one of Spencer's shirts before walking out of the bedroom and towards the sound of Spencer's voice. I'm so glad I did, because I would've walked right out of the bedroom completely naked and into the view of Spencer's web cam while he talks to the entire team around a conference room table on the screen.
I see Spencer's eyes fill with panic and then quickly relax when he sees I'm at least covered. I hear quiet laughs from the people on the screen, I'm assuming at Spencer's facial expressions, before Morgan says "oh Pretty Boy, we better let you get back to your new wifey." I smile and nod as I say "y'all are making me jealous, I want my husband back." Spencer laughs "you've been asleep for hours, you haven't had time to miss me for as long as you've been conscious." I sigh and say "I miss you whenever you're not with me, baby." Morgan makes sounds of disgust while Hotch quickly says "Reid, I think that was enough work from you today, have a good rest of your evening, you two." The screen then goes blank and Spencer turns to look at me in exasperation.
He says "you could've walked out of here naked and let the whole team see you!" I stifle a laugh as I respond "okay, 1. I thought you were on the phone and not on a video call, 2. you chose to sit in such a precarious position and 3. pretty much the entire team has seen me naked anyway." Spencer sighs and says "I sat here so I could hear if you had a nightmare and hopefully when you woke up. Also saving your life and seeing you blissed out naked on our honeymoon are two totally different things." I nod and say "save for a few scars and some blood, Spencer, my boobs and everything look the same that they did that day." Spencer sighs and nods, looking away. I can see that he's beating himself up about the abduction again.
I sigh and move the laptop to the coffee table and climb in his lap. I tell him "Spencer, baby, I'm fine, you're fine, everybody is fine. Okay?" Spencer nods and sighs "I just never want you to get hurt again, especially because of me or my job." I lean back and ask him "you're not thinking of quitting are you?" He doesn't say anything and he doesn't meet my eyes. I shake my head and tell him "no, Spencer, you are not quitting your job because some narcissistic jackass kidnapped me in my hometown. That had nothing to do with you."
Spencer nods emphatically "yes it did! He wanted to hurt you because he saw you with me." I shake my head "he didn't know who you were, he just knew I was dating you. He probably would've reacted like that no matter who I was dating. My dating you is probably what saved me. If I had been dating some normal guy with a 9-5 I probably would've been dead in a ditch by the time he figured things out or got police to figure things out. You saved me and I'm fine and he's dead." Spencer nods and sighs. I gently rub my hands soothingly on his shoulders and upper chest. I gently move to his kiss his neck and try to calm his anxiety.
He gently pushes back against me a bit, signaling he doesn't want to do this. I listen, leaning back and respecting his boundaries. I ask him "baby, seriously are you okay?" He nods and says "it's nothing you've done, Annie." I shake my head and laugh humorlessly as I say "'it's not you it's me?' Really, Spence?" He looks confused and nods "it is my problem, I can't stop these visions of you getting hurt coming back to me all the time." I nod and get down off of his lap, realizing he must not understand the undertones of that saying. I tell him "baby, you can talk to me about these things. Would you feel better talking to a therapist about it?" He shrugs and says "I don't know, maybe. I've never tried regular counseling." I nod "I do it and it helps me. Think about it and we can consider finding you a therapist when we get home if you think it will help." He nods in agreement.
          I run my fingers through his hair and he quietly hums in content at the feeling. I smile softly and ask him "is it okay if I kiss you now?" He chuckles and nods "yes, it's okay." I lean up and climb back into his lap, kissing him hungrily on the lips. He reciprocates the action and I'm feeling drunk off the serotonin increase. Spencer hums as I grind my lap against his and slows my hips to a stop. He says with panting breaths "wait, I thought you were sore?" I shrug and say "not so much anymore."
           He asks me "so you're still a little sore?" I hum and nod "nothing I can't handle, baby." He stops my movements and says "Annie, I don't want to hurt you. Why don't we wait a little while longer. It's only been a few hours." I furrow my brow and tell him "Spencer, I'm fine, trust me." He nods quickly "I do trust you. I...I just don't want to hurt you."
          I groan and climb off of him and walk away just a few paces before saying in frustration "Spencer, damn it, quit treating me like I'm a fragile little porcelain doll. I'm not glass, I'm not going to break. I'm a little sore, it's not like I have a gaping wound on my body." Spencer nods solemnly and says "Annie, I know, but I just can't bring myself to cause you pain or hurt you knowingly." I chuckle mirthlessly briefly before I tell him "Spencer, sometimes I want you to hurt me just a little bit and be rough with me." He sighs as he gets up and walks out to the balcony with his drink, shutting the door behind him.
          Well alrighty then. I get up and go to the kitchen to get something to drink. I look in the fridge and, at some point since we got here, Spencer bought me diet cokes and had them brought up to the room somehow. I take one of the bottles of diet coke and sit down on the couch I was just on and scroll through my phone mindlessly. As I sit there I think to myself about Spencer. I sigh as I think about how we were before the abduction, I miss how dominating he was. I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I miss the punishments. The only rough time we've had since the abduction is the night of the boudoir shoot.
         I reminisce briefly before an idea comes to mind, a bad idea. I think to myself that all I have to do is get possessive Spencer to come out just a little bit and then we can have some real honeymoon fun. I don't need to do that while he is mad at me, though, not like this. I don't want to push him to the point where he would be really mad at himself if he were aggressive with me. We need to get back to level ground before anything remotely sexual is back on the table. I sigh and grab my drink and walk to the balcony door. I walk out and shut the door behind me before walking over to sit across from him. I ask him gently "you want some company?" He doesn't say anything.
         I sigh and tell him "baby I don't want to fight about something so silly." He looks angrier than before and says "so it's silly that I don't want to hurt you?" I shake my head "I guess I'm the silly one. I just...I miss how we used to be. I will tell you if you're hurting me. I just did that a few hours ago and I told you we needed to stop there and you listened. That's exactly what we need. You have to trust me." He sighs and nods "it's just hard to not blame myself when that happens." I tell him "baby, you never do anything to hurt me in a way that I don't want. You've never whipped me or punched me in the face or kicked me in the stomach. That's what he did and that's what I don't want. We can venture out a bit more and it'll be safe. I'll always tell you when I'm uncomfortable with something. Always." He sighs and nods "I know. I know."
        I decide he's a bit too fragile for me to poke the bear tonight so I tell him "why don't we rent a movie digitally and order some takeout or something tonight and stay in. No sex or anything physical unless we naturally lead into that. We both have boundaries and we both should respect the other's." He nods "that sounds good. I'm not against having sex with you, believe me, but seeing you bleeding on the bed the first night here brought back flash backs and I just...I don't want to be responsible for hurting you when it could've been prevented." I nod "Spencer, you didn't hurt me that night, I've just had some irregular bleeding with this new birth control. It would've happened if we had had sex or not."
Spencer sighs a breath of relief before saying "deep down, I know that. It was just a lot at the moment." I move closer to him and slowly wrap him in my arms. I tell him softly "baby, that's understandable. It was a traumatic experience for you, too, and it's still fresh. Maybe my getting better has kind of allowed you to focus less on me and focus more on how you're feeling about things?" Spencer nods "I don't have to be worried about you anymore because you're..you're fine. Which I'm very very happy about it's just hard to go back to not worrying about you all the time." I smile and nod in understanding. I respond "that's perfectly rational, baby. Let's just order some food and eat dinner and just veg out tonight, hmm?" He nods "that would be nice."