Dazed | Spencer Reid FanFiction

Chapter 26: Frozen

I don't know how long I'm in the freezer before the door is pried open. I can't open my eyes if I wanted to, I'm hoping I won't get hurt by either of them. The steps come towards me and I hear yelling, muffled, like I'm under water. I had already given in to the freezing process and fell asleep, accepting it might mean my death. I had previously read at some point that freezing was one of the easiest ways to die since you just fall asleep.
        Strong arms pick me up in a fireman's carry, walking quickly with me in their arms. I still haven't opened my eyes or spoken a word as someone quickly carries me. I hear more muffled speech and, after a minute or two, a blinding light shines so bright that I can feel the brightness even behind my eye lids. I'm afraid they have me back in the room with Spencer, I just can't bring myself to open my eyes or move. I'm forcefully laid on top of something and I hear more muffled voices. I'm getting strapped onto something and am so worried this is really it, they're going to kill me now.
I bring myself finally to open my eyes, one blink and I look up at the light on the ceiling. It's fluorescent, it's a different shape than the light that was in the room Spencer was in. I blink again and see things hanging from the ceiling. I blink a few more times as a person comes into view. My eyes well with tears as I realize it's Derek Morgan. I've never been so happy to see him in my life. He gives a fast smile before his face contorts again into worry as he says "hey, Annie, you're going to be okay. We are taking you to the hospital. Just hang on for me, alright?"
The EMTs are covering me with warm blankets and warm packs. I moan and try to speak "sp-....spe..." Morgan interrupts me and says "we have Spencer, he's alive, but in very critical condition. You're both going to the hospital." The EMTs are placing an IV in my arm as I I let out a sigh of relief and I feel my anxiety drop about 10 levels. My eyes flutter closed again as Morgan says "you're both going to be okay." I hear rapid beeping and hear muffled yelling and medical jargon thrown around by EMTs as they yell things back and forth to each other and Morgan. Somewhere in there they tell me to hang on and that we are almost to the hospital. I feel myself fall into the rest again, not having the strength to hold on anymore.

•••••

I wake with a gasp and sit straight up. I'm in a hospital room with machines hooked up to me that are steadily beeping. Morgan sits up with a start and comes to my bedside. He grabs my hand and smiles "hey, Annie Bananie, I'm glad you could make it back to us." I catch my breath and ask him "where's Spencer?" Morgan looks down and says "he's alive and in the hospital. They pumped his stomach and gave him narcan. He's going to have to detox here for a while and then go to an official rehab program per the FBI." I nod, remembering Hotch saying that.
I ask "did he have to have surgery?" He nods "he had a couple of broken ribs that needed to be fixed and he had to have his spleen removed." I nod "he and I are both spleenless now." Morgan chuckles "that's right. He's going to need a lot of IV fluids because he's very malnourished and dehydrated." I nod and ask him "what about Elle and Anderson?" Morgan nods and says "Anderson tried to run and was shot. He was dead instantly. Elle went quietly, her calmness about the situation made us nervous." I tell Morgan "I should've killed her when I had the chance. I had the gun she had dropped pointed right at her before Anderson came in and pointed a different gun at me."
Morgan looks at me wide eyed and says "I'm impressed." I tell Morgan "I won't be able to sleep while she's alive, Morgan." He nods and says "she will be put away for life and they will throw away the key." I nod and tell him "I hope you're right." Morgan tells me "there's always going to be somebody out there who will want to kill Spencer or to hurt him by hurting you. That's just part of the job. You're smart and trained, so is Spencer, it's going to be okay." I nod and tell him "I hope you're right. When can I see Spencer?" He nods "he should be coming out from anesthesia soon. Why don't we go for a walk? Your toes are nice and pink again."
        I ask him "what color were they before?" He opens his mouth and closes it a few times before he says "you were pretty much all blue when we found you. You were almost frozen to death. Your heart stopped in the ambulance, but the EMTs and paramedics said you weren't dead until you were warm and dead. They got you warmed up and brought back to us." My stomach drops and I just say "oh." Morgan nods in response, "it was intense." I ask Morgan "how did you find us?" He answers "Spencer had a tracker put in your necklace after Harrison because you rarely take it off." I nod and tell him "that sounds like him. I'm glad he did that. If he had any other profession it would be creepy as hell." Morgan chuckles "you're right. Let me get a nurse and we can see if we can get you walking down the hall, hmm?"
I nod and start adjusting to sit on the edge of the bed. My body feels stiff, like it hasn't moved in weeks. It's almost painful to move, I can't imagine what it's going to feel like to stand up and put weight on my feet. Derek walks back over to me and holds a hand out for me to grab while also supporting my back as I stand. A nurse walks in with a wheel chair, ready to give me a break should I need it. I stand on both feet and it hurts at first, but after a few seconds the pain dissipates. I look up at Morgan and nod, taking my first step forward.
        We walk out of my hospital room and down the hallway, slowly but surely. I am able to walk by myself by the time we get all the way down the hall, it just took some getting used to in the beginning. Derek is encouraging me throughout the walk and when we get back in the room again, he high fives me. He tells me "you were moving and grooving out there! I'm glad you're back to your normal self." I smile and nod "me, too." I curl back under the warm blanket and get cozy again.
       I ask Derek "now, when can I see Spencer?" He sighs and says "let's go see if he's awake now. I can tell you will not patiently wait to see him, but I don't want you overdoing it so I'll take you to him in the wheelchair." I nod and get up, sitting in the wheel chair and pulling the warm blanket with me. Derek chuckles and nods, wheeling me out of the room and down the hall. He tells the nurses where we are going and that we will be back soon. We get into the elevator and ride up a few floors to go see Spencer in the ICU. I ask Derek "why is he in the ICU?" Derek responds "we aren't sure what exactly he endured the last few weeks, we want him under close observation for at least a week here and regular labs to make sure he wasn't poisoned or anything." I nod, appreciating how cautious they're being with my husband.
         The elevator doors open and Derek pushes me in the wheelchair toward Spencer's room. If I weren't in a wheelchair, I'd be running to Spencer right now. I don't want to lose this visitation privilege so I manage to control myself while Derek wheels me into the ICU area. As soon as we walk in, I see Hotch and JJ sitting with Spencer in his little room area in the ICU. JJ and Hotch look up when we walk in and they both give equally happy and sad smiles as they walk out of Spencer's room. They both walk over and hug me. I ask them both "how did the surgery go?" Hotch answers "the surgery went well and his blood tests are looking good as well."
          I ask them "did my email help at all?" JJ nods "I figured it out, actually, and then we were able to track your necklace when Anderson took you. He thought he was smooth, but the detail knew by the way he sped out of the house that something was amiss. They went in to check on you and realized you were gone and that there were signs of struggle. They immediately called us, so we were able to track you guys down fast." I nod with relief. I tell them "I wish they had taken me sooner so Spencer wouldn't have had to endure a..a month of pain and suffering." Hotch nods and says "I know it's been hard and I hate to tell you this, but it's going to get harder for a bit. Spencer has been high more often than he hasn't been the last month and his getting off of the drugs is going to be one of the hardest things he has ever done. You have to be there for him, and when you can't, call one of us. It's not fair for you to solely take on that burden. I mean that."
I nod at Aaron and tell him "I understand. I don't need to burn myself out like I did last time." Hotch nods "exactly. We are here to help, let us." I nod and ask "can I see him now?" JJ clears her throat and says "he doesn't look like himself right now." I nod "he can't be much worse than when I saw him in the room the last time." JJ nods and she moves out of the way, allowing Derek to push me into the hospital room. Spencer looks almost grey and he's practically skin and bones. He was always skinny before, but he looks emaciated now. I reach out and grab his hand closest to me and avoid all the needles and wires attached to him. I take the back of his hand to my lips and kiss his fingers. My eyes well with tears as I tell him in a whisper "I'm so sorry, Spencer. We should've been there sooner."
The rest of them file into the room and either stand against the wall or have a seat in the chairs in the room. I stare at Spencer's gaunt and lifeless face as I pray without ceasing for I don't know how long. I pray that Spencer makes a full recovery, I pray that Spencer can make it through to the other side of addiction with minimal road blocks along the way, I pray that our marriage lasts this like our relationship has lasted many things already, I pray that my husband maintains the same playfulness and love that he did before this awful thing happened to him, I pray that we can work through the loss of our baby together in a healthy way, I pray that we can try again for a baby in the future when we are both ready.
I pray continuously to the God who has gotten us through this much together, surely He can get us through this with minimal collateral damage. I know Spencer has his doubts, but hopefully my faith can carry the both of us for now. I don't know how many tears have streamed down my face or how long I've stayed in this same position, but Morgan's hand on my back stirs me from my fixation. He gently tells me "we need to go back to your room for a bit." I shake my head and tell him "I'm not leaving him, what if he wakes up while we're gone?"
         Hotch speaks up "we will tell him you were here and we made you go back to your own hospital room to receive medical treatment. He will understand." I look at Hotch and say "but, I just can't....let him go again." JJ comes to my side with understanding eyes "we will have eyes on him at all times. He's not going anywhere. I will stay with him until you get back. I promise." I nod and sniffle. She wraps her arms around me and I hug her back, hard. She tells me "now, go let them do their job and when they discharge you, you can come back up here and stay up here." I nod and don't fight as Morgan begins pushing me in my chair back to my room.
         In the elevator by ourselves, I ask Morgan "he's going to be okay, right?" Morgan sighs "overall, yes, but I think it's going to take some adjustments, for him and for you, first." I nod, understanding the reality of the situation. I ask him "when do you think they'll discharge me?" Morgan responds "pretty soon if everything checks out, I think." I nod in response and find a new resolve to be a good patient and get the heck out of dodge. We make it back to my room and get me back in the hospital bed. I tell Morgan "please ask them nicely to come in here and see if I can be discharged." Morgan chuckles and nods "yes ma'am." I sit in the bed and watch the news on the tv, praying for Spencer to wake up and make a full recovery so things can go back to the way they were.
          Derek walks back in with the same nurse from earlier who tells me I can be discharged as my hypothermia wasn't too bad, I was just unconscious for a while. She hands me the paperwork and I sign it. I ask her "can I leave now?" She's surprised at my bluntness and nods "yes...you can go." I realize I must've sounded harsh and tell her "I'm sorry, my husband is in the ICU and I just really want to be with him." Her face changes into one of realization and she nods "I understand. You are free to go be with him now." She gives me an understanding smile and nods before she leaves the room.
        Morgan interjects "Penelope picked out some clothes and Emily brought them up here for you. They're both doing damage control for the bureau and taking care of Ryder." I nod and take the clothes from him, going to the bathroom. I start putting on the leggings, sweatshirt, and uggs that Morgan handed me and ask him "what about Rossi?" Morgan tells me "he is making sure personally that Elle makes it to Red Onion Supermax prison without a hitch. He's going to interrogate her there. We know she had Anderson on her side, who knows who else in the bureau she could've turned." I ask Morgan "he didn't go alone did he?" Morgan shakes his head "nah, he's got a whole swat team. He'll be okay. Rossi is one of the last guys I'd be worried about with a serial killer."
        I ask Morgan "did you have any idea?...about how Elle would turn out?" There's a deafening silence from Morgan before he answers "she definitely changed, after that one incident, where she killed an unconfirmed unsub, but I never expected this from her." I ask him "did you know she and Spencer had a thing?" Morgan shakes his head "I had no idea. I knew he was seeing somebody to help him get over Lila, hell I gave him the advice to do so. He had a bit more pep in his step, a little more swagger and confidence, I figured he was getting some and he seemed happier. I didn't question it. He did a rough few months there for a while where I assume things ended with whoever he was seeing. I guess things ended with Elle and they ended badly."
I come out of the bathroom and nod "we had talked some about it. I had heard enough and didn't want to hear anymore, but he told me he would answer any questions I had honestly." Morgan nods and tells me "now, JJ knew it was Elle. She's the one who connected the dots from your email." I nod "that sounds about right. She gave me lingerie at my  bachelorette party and she said she talked to Elle about it. Made me a little uncomfy, especially now, but I appreciated the thought." Morgan chuckles and nods "that sounds right."
We gather my small amount of things and I sign the discharge paperwork at the nurses' station. From there, the two of us get back on the elevator to go to the ICU and I'm just itching to see Spencer again. We make our way back where we were previously and I'm delighted as well as disappointed to see Spencer's eyes open and the corners of his mouth turned up just barely in a smile. He looks so tired and weak. JJ tells me "he woke up two minutes ago and asked for you." My eyes fill with tears as he says in a gruff whisper "Annie." I run to him and take his hand the best I can in the wires and kiss his fingers again. I tell him "it's gonna be okay, I'm here."
Spencer nods and turns to Hotch "what about Elle?" Hotch responds "she's with Rossi on her way to Red Onion Supermax Prison. They're interrogating her further there to avoid her having an insider at the bureau help her escape. She went with us calmly, so we took extra precautions." Spencer nods. Hotch continues "due to your previous battle with drug addiction, the bureau is requiring you complete at least a 21 day rehabilitation program before returning to work." Spencer nods again and says "I agree that that would be best." I'm relieved he's not fighting us on that and give him a sad smile. I tell him "I'll be with you as much as I can." Spencer gives me another smile and says "I'm just so happy to see you again. I didn't think I would."
Spencer asks Morgan "what is it she gave me?" Morgan answers "she was giving you some kind of opioid cocktail with dilaudid primarily but also MDMA and PCP. She gave you too much before we found you. We found you just in time before there was irreversible damage. It took us a bit longer to find Annie and to get to where she was being held." Spencer asks "where were you?" I tell him "they locked me in an industrial freezer." Spencer's eyes go wide and he looks at Morgan and asks "how long was she in there?" Morgan sighs "we estimated a couple of hours at least before we found her and got her out."
         Spencer turns to Morgan angrily and asks "why did you go to me first? Why didn't you save her first?!" Morgan is taken aback and says "we found you first, you were overdosed on who knows what, we had to help you first. I'm glad we found you and helped you first because you might not have made it here, man! We did everything we could to save both of you!" Spencer's lip trembles barely and he says "we still didn't save him." I turn to the rest of the team in the room and tell them "can y'all give us a minute, please?" They all nod and walk out of the room, shutting the door behind them.
         I turn to Spencer and tell him gently "nothing anybody could do could've saved Matthew. Nothing anybody did caused this awful thing to happen. You can't blame Morgan or yourself or even Elle. The doctor said this would've happened the way it did no matter what." Spencer nods and says "I know that and I should've been there when it did!" I stand to wipe the tears escaping his eyes, but he flinches and moves away from me. I try not to take it personally, but it still stings. I tell him "there was nothing you could've done then and there's nothing you can do now to change what happened. We can get through this together. We have gotten through a lot of other things together. We can do this, Spencer."
        He sniffles and nods "I just wish it never happened." I give him a sad nod "we all wish that. We tried hard to find you. Elle did too good of a job." Spencer nods "I tried to send discreet signals, but I guess they were too discreet." I respond to him "Spencer, I figured that out. That's why Anderson took me, but not before I sent an email to the team with my original hunch. JJ figured it out and she's the reason you're alive today." Spencer nods "and apparently why you're still alive as well." I nod "Elle was going to ensure at least one of us died, obviously she lied to us and was going to kill us both anyway."
        Spencer nods "we made it out." I nod "so did she." Spencer sighs "we will just have to be extra careful from here on out." I tell Spencer "we need a panic room. Especially if we are going to have kids." Spencer nods "I'll get our contractor on it right away." We both chuckle before Spencer's eyes suddenly roll back in his head and he begins to convulse. I freak out and yell for help. The team bursts in and Hotch immediately turns to get the nurses in the room. The medical personnel file in and Morgan removes me a little forcibly from Spencer's bedside. My hands are shaking and tears are falling as I watch Spencer have a grand mal seizure. One of the nurses looks at me and tells me "seizures are common when detoxing and going through withdrawal. He's going to be okay." She gives me a comforting but still sad smile as I nod and try to calm myself down.
         Spencer comes out of the seizure somewhat quickly and remains unconscious. The same nurse looks at me and says "this is also normal, don't panic. This is nothing to worry about and a sign that his system is adjusting to a sudden change." I nod again, trusting the nurse. JJ tells me "let's go get you some food and some caffeine. Let him rest and come out of this on his own." I nod, knowing she's right. We walk to the elevator and we ride down to the main level where the cafeteria is located. I ask her "how's Will?" She gives me a nod with a hint of a smile "he's good, concerned about you guys, but good." I nod and tell her "well hopefully he doesn't have to be too concerned for long now that we are on this side of things." She nods "we are all very happy to have you back."
         We pick out different things from the cafeteria and pay for our food, well JJ pays for my food because my scatterbrained self left my wallet upstairs. She didn't miss a beat and didn't even let me protest. We sit down and start eating. She pushes my Diet Coke towards me and tells me "drink." I nod and follow directions. I eat my Mac and cheese slowly, not hungry but also knowing I need to eat for energy. JJ tells me "this is going to be hard and taking breaks will be necessary. At least one of us will be staying behind on cases to help you." I nod and ask her "when does he go to rehab and for how long?" She nods "hopefully in a week or less. He will be gone for at least 21 days, maybe 30."
         I take a bite of bread and ask her "will I get to visit?" She nods "definitely. I believe they have visiting hours nearly every day." I nod "good." JJ sighs and says "Annie, you need to get back to work soon though, the hospital is pushing back on the bureau for you having missed so much work in the last year." I stop chewing and swallow my food. I tell her "JJ I haven't been on vacations, I've been kidnapped THREE TIMES in the last year." JJ nods "well, you did take a few weeks off for your honeymoon." I raise my hands up "sue me, and really that was still within my medical leave." JJ nods "I know, I hate to be telling you this, but you need to prioritize work while Spencer is in rehab. I don't mean you can't see him, but don't lose your job while he's well taken care of by medical professionals. Let him heal."
        I nod, knowing she's right and hating it. I ask her "can I stay with you some while he's gone?" She grabs my hand and squeezes it as she says "of course." I smile and nod. I ask her "do the kidnappings ever stop?" She laughs humorlessly and says "you have had enough for a lifetime." I scoff "one is enough for a lifetime." JJ nods and eats her soup delicately. We sit in a comfortable silence for some time before she asks me "how are you coping...with the loss of Matthew?" I swallow the lump in my throat and tell her "it's been hard, but the knowledge that nothing we did could've been done differently to change it helps some and hurts some. The distraction of tracking down Spencer helped a bit."
        JJ clears her throat and tells me "I haven't really talked to anyone on the team about this yet, but I lost a baby when I was working for the pentagon." My eyes widen and it's my turn to grab her hand as I tell her "JJ I'm so sorry, I didn't know." She shakes her head, I didn't want people to know. It was a top secret mission so I really couldn't tell others much." I nod and she continues "I'm not trying to tell you I know exactly what you're going through, but I know what it feels like to have the hopes and dreams of what your baby could be ripped from you out of your control. I will always be here for both of you." I nod and stand up, walking around to hug her. She hugs me back tight and then tells me "okay now go sit down or people will think we are lesbians." I laugh loudly and tell her "we would make a hot couple, let them look."
        I sit back down and she asks me "if I'm overstepping tell me, but are you guys planning to try again soon?" I sigh and tell her "well we haven't really had a chance to discuss it, but I think we want to wait a bit and let some of this stuff heal first." She nods "that is a good idea." She then asks me "are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" I shrug "I'll settle for healthy." JJ nods "true. I think you'd be a good mom either way." I smile back at her and say "I have great role models to learn from."
We finish up our food and then head back upstairs. I do have to admit I feel better after getting some food and water and caffeine in my system. We walk back into Spencer's room and he is doing better now. He is lucid and giving me a sleepy smile as I walk in the room. He reaches a hand out to me and I walk to the other side of the bed than before, taking his hand and giving him a reassuring smile. He asks me "how is Ryder?" I give him a sad smile "missing you. He's been sleeping in your side of the bed for a while." Spencer chuckles "can't wait to take that back, I really miss my bed." I tell him "well you're going to have to wait until after your rehabilitation program." He nods "that's for the best. I don't trust myself to go out into the world right now and not track down some dilaudid."
That hurts my heart to hear, but I know he can't help it. He's making the right choice even on his own to go to rehab. He's not fighting us on it and he knows it's what's best for him. He wants more than anything to be sober, especially now that his sober streak has been ruined, taken from him by Elle. I tell him "you had no choice in this." He nods "technically I had a choice, but it was the least hellish option." I ask him "what do you think would've happened if you had just slept with her?" He shrugs "I don't know. She might've killed me after. That might have been her endgame plan all along. She told me I would die in that room one way or another." I nod, not knowing how to respond. I eventually land on "but you're here now. You made it out." He gives me a small smile "you did, too."
I smile back at him and tell him "get some rest, I'll be right here." His eyelids had been fluttering for a while already and with my permission he falls back asleep almost instantly. I gently caress his hands with my thumbs as I stare at him and continue to pray. Eventually I get tired and lay my head down, falling asleep with my head on the bed much like I did when Spencer was in the hospital for his gunshot wound. Little did I know that wouldn't be the last time I did that and nor would it be the most difficult part of our relationship.