Overthinking when a road stretches out before me until all I can see is the ramifications of every little mistake.
Overthinking every move until all I see are the ripples on the surface of a pond and waves breaking against every person I have ever known.
Because if I waste time eating when I could be doing other things then everything I need to do doesn't get done and if I don't eat people will worry. I wont be sleeping either way. What's the use in eating?
So I don't eat and I don't study to avoid the ripples and I lose both myself and reality.
Over analyzing my past until all I want to do is start over.
And you don't even notice.
Because I'm only lost in my mind for a moment.
Because I think so quickly now that by the time I've ruined my mood you haven't even finished your sentence.
Because my thought progress from what you thought about one exchange to invalidating our entire relationship, and unconsciously plotting on how to sabotage it until I never have to think about you again.
Because I think it will end there?
Truth is, I never stop thinking about you.
Even when we don't talk.
I see you and my mind spirals until only the unknown is safe.
And the unknown is also full of dangers.
It's a cycle that can't be beat.
So ingrained in my skull that my brain walks those circles by habit.
YOU ARE READING
Not me. (2023)
Short Storyso, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been...
