The feeling isn't right the pain too intense the words come out muddled across the pages messy lines carved into the paper when everything was too much and not enough.
Anxiety pouring from every orifice overwhelming my mind from my shaky legs drenching my brow in dampness as I struggle to float.
Swimming against this never ending current I might as well be lost in the ocean with no land in sight because I'm still drowning with no guard on duty nothing in me wanting to throw the bouy that could save my life.
Torrents of progress I'm supposed to be having passing by as I'm desperately grabbing after a hold I'll never reach my mentality holding me back from progressing the child in me shoving my face below the surface and laughing at bubbles blowing past my lips the precious happiness in me draining with my life.
I'll never reach happiness. I'll never find home.
I scream for the voices to be silent not making a noise the battles all in my own head should I lay inside where I made my own bed that's what they all say but I'm making it up so I don't make a sound and I struggle to create someone else.
Nothing left inside for you to find I've walled up the holes with stone nothing left to seep from my eyes as thirsty as my soul is for love I will never drink form your cup I'm still too scared to stoop down unguarded barring my wounds for your scrutiny eyes narrowed at my weakness you left!!! in me.
I can't deal with this anymore.
No one can see the real me locked inside with the ghosts of my past I still haven't buried stuck with your baggage you haven't dealt with well I guess I learned from example following you was my greatest mistake because I can't move on from my life.
Homeward bound looked in chains imprisoning my mind I threw away the key waiting for you to lead me down the right path, tell me what to do when I'm lost stuck behind my every facade hell bound because sinners don't go to heaven and boy have I sinned in this life I've carved from the source.
Tears pouring down unlocking the gates setting emotions free but too many for me to learn what I should do with them I'm happy!! But I don't remember how to express that so I just release because I remember it didn't hurt so much then, and I sink back to my roots.
How screwed up am I that I can't even be happy anymore without having a panic attack air scraping my lungs hands violently shaking why am I crying I was happy but now I'm back, one false move and fall straight down from the high, I was happy but really, was I?
YOU ARE READING
Not me. (2023)
Short Storyso, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been...
