If God outcasts me for the pain that I've carved,
Then I hope death is kinder than ever man was.
And maybe I was right about what I deserved.
Maybe all those nights I prayed I went unheard.
If I'm punished for the price I paid, I'll know.
That this wasn't a pain I had to undergo.
Despite how long I walked hell, begging to die.
Everything I was told, it's all been a lie.
This ingrained idea that suicide brings damnation,
That God punishes those who destroy his creation,
Was never as true as anyone thought.
Every wasted tear shed from the pain that I wrought.
Because if I've struggled this hard just so I'd live,
And didn't kill myself when I was dying to give in.
Instead of screaming to God for the strength to endure.
I could have saved myself pain by ending it sooner.
But if I'm made to be punished now anyway,
Why did I carry all this weight?
All of my struggles! They've just been for naught.
All the time I wasted thinking I fought.
Why did I bother carrying all of the blame?
Why did I do this for you? Would you even do the same?
What was the point of me carrying on?
You don't seem to care that I wish I was gone.
I stay up and wonder how long I can last.
How long I'll be stuck trying to forgive your past.
How angry I was, how I hated the rage.
And I hate myself for it, but you'll never change.
YOU ARE READING
Not me. (2023)
Short Storyso, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been...
