Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

To the Wrist

It doesn't even take two seconds until I feel some pressure and get pulled to a halt. I quickly turn around which makes my curls fly into my face. How else could it have possibly happened.

The Finn is standing in front of me and strictly looks at me. "I don't just care about the darkness.", his strict voice let's me shiver. "I don't care. I don't need you as my protector.", with a harsh pull I rip my arm away from him and turn away from him again. Hoping that he will give up walking after me I start increasing the pace I walk in and hold my gaze to the floor.

In that moment I don't care that my hood falls off of my head or that my guitar is jumping up and down on my back, I just want to get away from him. For some time it really does feel like he gave up but with a glance at the grass, that's been lit up by my torch, I see a shadow behind me again and not even a few seconds later I feel a tight grip at my wrist again. This time it's tighter that the first time.

"I told you to leave me the fuck alone! I'm 26, Hokka, accept the fact that I can take care of myself!", I shout him right in the face. Only for a short moment he steps back in shock and I myself am also shocked from what I just said. But that, what I just let out, was the anger that build up inside me throughout the day and I didn't know how to release.

In the moment in which Joel is still in shock I try to free my wrist from his grip. His gaze gets emotionless and dark all of a sudden, he looks away from me and pulls me behind him, away from the parking lot to a quiet place nearby that has a few trees growing on it.

At one of the trees he stands me up infront of him which leads to the tree stem scratching the guitar. "You are really unbelievable, do you know that? I try being kind to you, to help you for once and the thanks I get for it is that you shout at me in the middle of the parking lot. So loud that probably everyone here heard it. What is w...", in his next question I interrupt him. "If you need to ask yourself that-.", now I can't continue talking because as fast as I interrupted him he now placed his free hand above my mouth to silence me. "I wasn't finished yet. If this is revenge for our interesting conversation in the bus, then you are totally overreacting. All I want to say is that you won't walk around alone at two o'clock in the morning. Also, I talked to Niko and he was also in favour of it being better that you be accompanied by someone.", he continues talking.

His light blue eyes shine in the moonlight which is coming from the side and his gaze looks through me again in this night. He doesn't blink, doesn't show any emotions and speaks quietly and relaxed therefore that he just confronted me his voice was way too relaxed.

I try to free my mouth so I can talk to which he takes away his hand from over my mouth. "Sure, and then Niko asked especially you. Absolutely not. Niko would send anyone other than you after me, do you really think I'm that stupid? And you know exactly why I've given you the cold shoulder and why I'm so pissed at you. And if you don't, then I recommend you think hard in your deepest memories, even though the way I know you you've probably already banned them from your tiny brain. Do you even remember anything or were you so drunk that everything that happened on those days fell out of your head. Now just be honest, you don't worry about me, you never have. You don't care about me and I'm just some German musician whose life you can destroy. I pity you, Joel, but I feel even more sorry for your band. Does any of them know what happened and what you did? I don't think so, or? Well, if it is important to Niko that I get to my car safely then let go of my wrist and come to my car with me. I came to this festival to have fun and to live my life and not to get it ruined by you, like you've done it before.", in that moment I just say what comes to my mind and don't speak too loud or angry, it's just a voice in my sentences that also portrays strictness. I don't know how I manage to give my words this deepness but I manage it somehow.