Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

I'm waving a white Flag

With my eyes shut I lay tucked under my blanket. Exactly the apprehension that I had expected came true. After I peaceful fell back asleep after the incident with Joonas, this tome without a conversation with Aleksi, I woke up again now.

I still haven't dared to open my eyes yet but it's not the fear of the sun that could blind me it's rather the fear of the darkness that I'm expecting. Well, I'm not afraid of the dark per se but it's the fear that it's still sometime in the middle of the night and therefore actually only slept a couple of minutes.

Only when a brutal pain pulls itself through my stomach suddenly I open my eyes and pinch them closed again to suppress the pain. "Not today.", I mumble to myself as I know this pain. It comes during the night every now and then and just pulls itself through my stomach. Normally it helps to just continue sleeping but try doing that while the pain keeps swimming through your tummy.

I pull my legs up towards my stomach a little and then lay my arms around my stomach tightly trying to fall back asleep I nearly pulled my cover up to my ears but nothing seems to help at the moment. And as if this wasn't bad enough a slight feeling of sickness comes up in me that makes me shoot my eyes back open.

I would have just loved to let out my frustration by shouting through the room but as there's six sleeping boys there I decide not to do it. My problem doesn't have to become theirs after all. But I still curse the pain and feeling of sickness building up inside as it had to happen in the worst possible night. Sometimes I seriously ask myself if my body is trying to fool me.

Defeated I sit down and take a look through the room. As I already expected the room is totally dark and it seems that there is not a single light burning in the room which could hint to the fact that it's morning. Okay, you have to think about the fact that it's the end of October so the sun only rises pretty late in Helsinki but a tiny glance of sunlight would still be a fantastic present for me.

My sight falls onto the sleeping band. Joel and Niko are harmonically sleeping on the double bed right infront of me. Aleksi has nearly snuggled himself into to the wall completely and is laying next to me with a slightly overstretched neck. Olli and Tommi are laying on the other side of me and are also snuggled up in the bed. And Joonas, he's still laying on the floor next to the double bed. When I look at the boys I have to smile. Somehow it's funny and cute at the same time seeing them like a family in every situation and behave completely against all stereotypes of a rock band even when they're sleeping. Okay, they are and always will stay chaotic but the way they are all cuddled up in bed together like that that not even couples do.

The funny thought doesn't stay for so long though as it gets interrupted by another rush of pain and the feeling of sickness getting worse and worse. I give up again and take a look at my phone which blinds me immensely at first. "Why am I so stupid sometimes?", I curse quietly while I rub my eyes and look at the screen of my phone again, but a little more careful this time.

I can take a deep breath now. My biggest fear was destroyed but eventhough my phone showed me a time of half six 'already' my motivation to be awake already is still not there.

Eventhough I don't want to I stand up and take another quick glance back at the bed and the three sleepyheads. They are happy. I carefully make my way past the sleeping guitar player laying on the floor as if he were a little kid that fell asleep on the floor in the middle of a party.

If it weren't for the aching pain and the feeling of sickness I would have to hold back my laughter at this sight again, but because of those I can't even force myself to laugh. As quietly as possible I tiptoe to the bathroom and open the door leading to it. Only when the door is completely shut I turn on the light and therefore make the room brighter.