Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

I bring the Booze

"... then I would have moaned.", I only breathe the last word. At first, when there is no reaction, I am afraid that he didn't hear it and I will have to say the word again, but the fear passes with the appearance of his voice. "Okay, uhm, wow. So it meant something to you?", he seems surprised on the one hand and slightly overwhelmed on the other. "What, no! Of course not, he forced me to do it." – "Are you sure about that? You just told me you haven't had that feeling in years. And I'm pretty sure you had it with Joel the last time and it might sound nasty and abandoning, but I don't think he really forced you," he immediately sees through my statement, causing me to just drop my head on the door behind me.

"But I don't know either, Keno. My head is a complete mess! When I moved to Finland, I wanted to make a fresh start and leave the chaos behind. And now? Now I'm in the biggest mess I've ever been in.", I give in a little and let him have a part of my actual thoughts. "It can't be that one person manages to confuse my feelings like that. The person I feel so much hatred for. How does he do it?" – "You could ask him." The joke from Keno comes at the worst time and yet it manages to make me laugh. "Sure, I'll just go to Joel and ask, 'Hey, how do you manage to make me get so weak in milliseconds that all I want is feel your lips on mine, even though I actually hate you?'", I laugh and really give my thoughts all kind of space. "You said so, Lia," Keno remarks.

There is a silence, none of us dares to say anything, while I now feel a little caught. "The kiss. Did it feel good?", Keno breaks the silence with a question I would have liked to have overheard. "It was... I don't know, somehow... It just somehow developed into that. That our lips moved in sync and I put my hand on his chest. None of this was really wanted, it just happened without me being able to do anything about it. Even if everything went against my principles, it happened.", I try to answer the question by describing what had happened.

Silence returns again. Quietly, I hear the voices from the boys from the studio. They're talking about something that I can't understand. Somehow I manage to lose myself in the unrecognizable voices and am only brought back by Keno's voice. "You don't know how much I would like to be with you right now and just take you in my arms.", his statement brings tears to my eyes once again. "I wish you were here. Can't you take the next flight and come to Finland?", my question is rather rhetorical, because I know that that is not possible. "Unfortunately, there are several problems. Livia still has corona and the money is also not there." – "I know. How is Livia doing?", I ask about his girlfriend. To change the subject? Possible.

"She no longer has any symptoms, but she is positive. I am working in home office and help her to get over the boredom. How is it going with your music?" he explains. "So far, good. Aleksi and Olli recorded a bassline that fits the song really well. Let's see what else comes along.", I answer and run my fingers through my hair. "Do you know what I think would be good for you?", the German's question comes as quite a surprise. "What?", there is scepticism in my voice, because I have always had a little respect for the ideas of the guitarist. "You should get some more alcohol into your body. I'm sure Joonas can mix you something strong. And who knows, maybe you'll finally realize your feelings about the Finnish singer." – "Are you serious? As if that works with alcohol. Certainly not.", I immediately reject his suggestion.

However, he doesn't give up so easily: "Come on. What is supposed to happen? There are two options. Either you develop a massive hatred at him from the alcohol and punch him or you end up smooching in a corner and wake up in his bed tomorrow. No matter which of the two happens, at least tomorrow you'll know how you feel about him." To be honest, I have no idea how he does it, but all of a sudden the idea doesn't sound so bad to me anymore.

Okay, probably it's just my already alcohol-influenced body that is told by alcohol that it needs more alcohol anyway. "Why do you manage to get me to do such things again and again?", I mean my question more or less seriously. But so is his answer. "Well, I've always been a bad influence on you already.", he laughs. "You don't happen to be alluding to kindergarten right now, and the day I lost my reputation as a cute little curly-blond-haired girl?" I remark. "What? You did that for my good! It was only through you that I was able to free my ukulele from the clutches of the kindergarten teacher!" – "She took it away because you plucked at it all day every day! We stole it, without permission!"