Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

I'm not in the Mood

Pov. Joel

I put my cell phone back in my pocket and look up at the sky. Small clouds of haze appear infront of me, from my warm breath hitting the cold air.

Due to the wind, there are occasional strands of my blond hair on my face, but I don't let them bother me. A few moments ago, Aleksi had also left the studio, he was the last of us and then walked towards his apartment. The lucky guy lives just under a five-minute walk from here, so he doesn't have to wait for a cab like I do.

Normally, I would go home with Joonas, but since he has disappeared from the face of the earth since we came out of the studio I ordered my own cab.

As I look up at the dark sky, I close my eyes for a brief moment and then turn my gaze to the sidewalk across the street.

It gets stuck on a small structure. It doesn't take me a second to realize who it is. She stands there, her gaze directed downwards, while she crosses her arms tightly infront of her body. Their steps are uncertain, swaying and stumbling.

I hadn't noticed that she had drunk more than the rest of us. Of course, there wasn't only a little bit of alcohol flowing, but overall we were all still doing quite well.

She hasn't raised her head yet, which might be better for me. Since my dare, she hasn't paid any attention to me. Understandable? Perhaps. Was it a stupid idea of mine? Probably. Did Niko open my eyes? Definitely.

It's just a moment that pulls me out of my thoughts. She takes the first step onto the street, while a bright light appears from the side. Frantically, I tear my gaze to the bright light and then back to her. Now she is almost in the middle of the road and stumbles further and further. "Fuck.", it's the only word I let pass my lips. Immediately I sprint off and directly towards Hilja.

She, too, notices the dangerous situation in which she is currently standing, but falls into a state of shock full of fear. As soon as I arrive at her place, I pull her towards me and run out of the car's lane.

Shocked, I stare at the car, which rushes past us at high speed. I would have loved to just yell at the driver, curse him and hold my middle finger in his rear-view mirror, but at this moment, all my attention is on the person I'm holding in my arms tightly.

My one hand, with which I gently pull her towards me, lies on her back, the other on her head, which I also pull lightly against me. Carefully, I make my way back to the sidewalk, feeling every single quick beat of her heart. "Nothing happened.", I whisper, but just as I utter these words, she tears herself out of my arms. "Leave me," she tries to sound strong, but the slight tremor in her voice shows her fear.

"What were you thinking?", I try to sound calm and not completely freak out, which more or less succeeds. "I had everything under control". Seriously, does she really think I'm so blind? "That's why you stop in the middle of the road while a car is coming right towards you? Are you tired of life?" – "It was way too fast anyway. It doesn't matter. I'm gone, night.", with her words she turns away from me and begins to walk away with an uncertain step.

A smile settles on my lips. Extremely tired, drunk and in shock, she tries to get her own way, but this time I have to stand in her way. Not only will she never make it to her home, but it's also the fact that she has to walk through Oulu alone in the middle of the night and as angry and fucked up by me as she may be, I'm not just going to let her go. I can't and don't want to have to take responsibility for that, I couldn't do that at the festival and I couldn't do that now either.

So I follow her with big and fast steps and when I arrive at her place, I put my hand gently on her shoulder and then stand directly infront of her. Her light blue eyes immediately meet mine, which makes me stop for a moment. "Where are you going? Home? On foot?", all my questions have an amused undertone, but she remains serious and does not twist her expression by a millimetre. Again she pulls her shoulder away from under my hand, but as soon as she has done so, the momentum causes her to stumble, so that she threatens to fall. However, before Hilja can fall over her wobbly legs and end up on the street, I grab my hand directly at her back and pull her back towards me. "How much did you drink? Or rather, what did you drink? There's no way you're so exhausted when you've drunk the same as everyone else.", it's the question I've been asking myself for a long time, which I'm now asking directly to her face.