A genuine review shop (On Hold)

Review: When you smile [mxm]

Reviewer: Minooiii

Author of the book: Iris-hope

Title:

I like your Title and it suits its content.

Cover:

your cover is also cute and lovely so there's nothing to say more.

Blurb:

I think your blurb is alright and well-explained.

But since you've side stories for the other characters, I think you can narrow down the explanation about Dev and Raj, then add a little information about others like Arya and her sister, so the readers will know that some other stories are going on there.

Characters:

First of all Dev: Dev is my favourite here!

I really was able to feel his pains and struggles. You've shown his thoughts and emotions during the story so well!

Second one Raj: Raj seems to be a good boy with a handsome look and gives a positive vibe, but I want to know more about him. His character is still a bit unknown to me and I think it needs to explain about him more as a main character.

Next Arya: I like Fujushi girls, lol... and I think she gives fun to your story.

Also, Arya and her sister's stories are really good!...

In the end, Aman: Who is this Aman?! I mean he really seems an attractive character in my opinion and I liked the dynamic he has with Dev!!!... He looks mysterious and I loved it!...

So overall, your characters are well-written!

Plot:

Your story plot is awesome.

The way you described everything in detail and explain their emotions was perfect!...

I just loved how you managed to combine different characters' stories together and put them together.

The only thing I'd like to mention is that you need to show your main characters, Raj and Dev moments more. I mean adding more interactions and conversations between these two can keep your audience engaged.

I felt that I wanted more of them and their relationship during the story since they are the main characters and it needs to be more significant rather than others' side stories.

Engagement:

I was engaged in your story and I really enjoyed it since it was seriously well narrated actually I was shocked that your votes are low when you wrote this amazingly!

However, I felt the story was a bit slow pace in the parts between 14 to 20. There were some unnecessary words and I thought it needs more interaction between Dev and Raj.

Grammar and vocabulary:

Perfect! Well done! I loved it...

Tips:

I think I gave the tips above, but one other thing that I advise you is that participate in awards, or reading clubs to make your work known.

Also, find BL romance fans and promote your

the story in their private messages.

Your work has the potential to get known more than this because it was indeed perfect.

Thanks for choosing our review shop ❣️