Ride On

Chapter XXXII: You Ain't Got A Hold On Me

"California?"

Mum was holding Charlotte on her lap while Rosemary played with her toy animals. The poodle had left already leaving me with a well fed wallet. I told my mum I wanted to visit California for a while during their summer. I wanted to visit the coast and get a little sun. 

Even the toddlers barely believed my big fat lie. 

My mum brushed the hair out of her face. "You hardly ever leave the house, now suddenly you're going to all these concerts and out of the country? What would you even do there by yourself?" 

"I just want to see the beach," I shrugged.

"You could have gone with us to the beach last year and you didn't," she reminded me sharply. 

"Not all beaches are the same," I said grasping at straws to defend myself with. "I saved up enough to pay for everything myself and I know how to get a hotel by now." Thunder rolled outside shaking our little house. My mum let out her world famous sigh and shrugged.

"I guess it's your money," she said. 

It was good she said yes. So why wasn't I more excited?

I went to my bedroom to pack a suitcase. I had planned to leave the next week and didn't want to waste a second. My summer clothes had been pushed to the back of my closet and I had to elbow my way through the jumpers to find them. Spitting out a couple sleeves I emerged with an armful of clothing. My passport was hiding on my cluttered dresser and I dug around to find that too. 

I needed to make a list. 

Clothes, comfortable shoes, cute shoes, pyjamas, a jacket, passport, purse, headphones, Dramamine, a book or two, toiletries....and a photo of my family. Why not. Extra teabags just in case. A huge wad of cash. First aid kit and over the counter medication. And....

And my stuffed bear.

A couple pens and notebooks wouldn't hurt. Just in case the inspiration hit. 

I was fucking nervous as hell. The prospect of traveling to an entirely new continent by myself was staggering. It was the opportunity of a lifetime and I wanted to be happy about it. Tune out any agoraphobic thoughts and just enjoy myself on this new adventure. 

Again, easier said than done.