Unstable And Yours

Brotherly Love

                                                                              Wrote this at 8 am so yea there might be hell of errors,

4 months laters

"So Finneas, I hear that you are ready to stop our sessions. May I ask why?"

I sigh but can't help but smile at my therapist. She is literally one of the best people in my life besides the twins and their mother. Their mother, Madeline, has been more of a parental guardian in my life than anyone else. And although my reputation got ruined, and every hating person tried to take the opportunity to clown me, I've never been happier. Madeline convinced me to get therapy after everything that has happened to me, and she was right. A lot has changed about me.

"Well," I can't help but smile wider at her confused face. "I just feel really good, you know? It's been a while since I've felt... you know, been sad. I haven't cried in a while, well besides watching the Lion King, but I just feel like I don't need to be here as often as I was."

"Finneas, it's good you're feeling so much better, and I can see that. When you first walked in here, you were so closed off and guarded. I'm glad I was able to connect with you. However, I don't think you should stop our visits completely. You should at least call me sometime, at least a few times a month."

"Of course, you've really opened my eyes on a lot of things. And I'm more fortunate than others, having people support me and care for me. And although I have no parents in life, Madeline and Manual have been so good to me. And the twins are like my sisters. I've never felt so loved before." I softly wipe the tears from my eyes as I begin to get emotional.

 "You've surrounded yourself with healthy relationships. You told me how you are frequently communicating your feelings more and how their household has brought you more security. But I ask you, when the time comes, your mother will feel regret for how she has treated you. Because as a mother myself, I've made terrible mistakes that I'm still making up for. I ask you not to get angry with her."

"I'm not angry with anyone, really. Having all that built-up rage has never done me any good. It made me violent and miserable, and that's not what I want, for me or my baby." I rub my swollen belly, wanting to feel a little closer to my child.

"Finneas, I see myself a lot in you. It's quite uncanny how similar I was to you growing up. And I relate to you most when it comes to the toxic relationship that follows you in the form of your child's father. I don't mean to upset you, but you did tell me he has been making tremendous progress and will be waking up anytime now. Everything you've healed from, I would hate for you to let him bring you back down to that dark place again. He affected you in ways that made you want to give up on life."

"I cannot express enough to you how I will not let that happen. I've come too far as a person. Yeah, I do know when he wakes up things won't be easy, but I also know he wouldn't hurt me, especially since I'm pregnant. I don't know what's going to happen after I have this baby, but I'm leaving that all up to fate."

"I wish there was more I could do for you in that aspect, but remember, you're in control of how you react. And sometimes not having a reaction can save you from certain situations."

"I love you so much." I tell her.

She laughs at me with her face becoming flustered.

"Well, I have to go now. I promised the twins I would do yoga with them. As much as I hate it, a deal is a deal, right?" I struggle to get up, having to turn to my side. I'm only 5 months pregnant with my stomach being so big. I don't mind it for the most part; the worst part of my pregnancy is my nausea.