Loving You (Gemini-Fourth AU)

chapter 15: The darkness

"Hey Fotfot. Where's everyone?" Pond asked taking a sit next to Fourth on the couch. He just came from work, he was earlier than usual since it wasn't as hectic as usual at the hospital.

"Hey hia. Phi went to buy dinner and Gemini is probably sleeping with Aree and Amree upstairs." Fourth replied putting his book aside. Even though he would've love to take a nap he just couldn't switch his brain off.

His mind was in a dark space, driving him slowly into a depressed state.

He was still anxious all the time, worried about whether or not he is being a good father. He was afraid that his kids might end up hating him, or Gemini would end up hating him. The rational part of his brain knew that wasn't true but he couldn't help how he feels.

"Aree and Amree? Who are those?" Pond asked drapping his arm around Fourth's arm, pulling the boy closer into a cuddle.

"Your nephew and niece." Fourth replied resting his head on Pond's shoulder. He knew his brother knew he wasn't okay that's why Pond had been clingy to him. Pond knew that skinship helped Fourth whenever he was stressed out.

Physical touch was one of Fourth's love language.

"You named the twins Aree and Amree?" Pond asked.

"Yeah, more specifically Amara Aree and Ananda Amree Titicharoenrak." Fourth replied.

"You are giving them Gemini's last name?" Pond asked.

"Yeah I mean I want them to have the same last name as their father." Fourth replied.

"But Fourth, you are also their father. Why can't they have your last name?" Pond asked.

"Because it doesn't matter, I am going to take Gemini's last name anyways when we get married." Fourth replied.

"You are?" Gemini asked as he walked in the living room. He had woken up from his afternoon nap after a strenuous day at uni so he came to check up on Fourth when he saw the boy wasn't next to him when he woke up.

"You are?" Pond asked a little bit surprised.

"Yeah I mean I think it will be great if we all shared a last name." Fourth replied.

"But why are you taking his last name? Why can't he take your last name?" Pond inquired.

"Because I want to." Fourth replied.

"But why?" Pond asked again.

"Hia please just leave it! I really want to okay. I am doing this for my kids." Fourth said growing frustrated by his brother's questioning.

"Why can't you keep your last name and give it to your kids? You can use both last names." Pond said.

"Because I don't want to! Why can't you let me make my own choices? I am not incompetent you know!" Fourth said storming off to his bedroom. He felt frustrated, he didn't understand why Pond couldn't understand him.

The only thing he wanted was to secure a future for his kids and he believed that  if the twins had Gemini's last name they will somehow be closer to him when he is no longer there. He felt himself slipping, he couldn't see picture his future no matter how much he tried.

There were voices in his head, voices so loud and unkind. Voices that tempted him everyday to end his life. He tried fighting them though, he tried really hard but the more he tried the more he fell into this despair of depression.

"I will go check up on him." Gemini said awkwardly standing up and Pond nodded. He felt so bad, he knew he was too protective over Fourth but all he wanted was the best for his baby brother.