Reverie

Visions

"Elora are you u-", my mom barged into my room to wake me up.
"You're up? What are you writing this early in the morning?",she questioned.
"Ah nothing. I'm just ... journaling?",I replied.
"Okay? I thought people were supposed to write journals at the end of their day? Anyways, breakfast is ready ", I nodded as she left my room.
"Because it's a dream Journal", I said to myself and wrote another line before keeping it on the table beside my bed.
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22/07/2023

*They wonder why my mind is full of your thoughts. Why your name always leaves a smile on my lips.
After I saw the "lover" side of you, I can't seem to think sanely. I can't help wondering how it would feel like to put my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat. How it would feel like to fall asleep in your arms after having a long and tiring day. How it would feel like waking up to your sleeping face. How it would feel like to get ready for going out together while you're busy staring at me through the mirror. How it would feel like to hear you planning our future.
They ask what If , with hindsight, I regret choosing him.
I say, to prevent that, I love him from a distance so that he can't disappoint me and I never stop loving him*
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"Good morning Eden", I hugged my brother from the back as it's been a long time since I saw him last.
"Morning, you're up so early? you're going to college today?", He turned his body to face me.
"Yeap, how have you been? You're so busy these days . I missed you", I admitted.
"Uhum... Yeap busy with studies and work. How's your college life going?", He raised his eyebrows.
"It's....Very boring. But I still have to attend a few classes so that I don't miss out on any kind of important information ", I explained. He nodded.

My brother and I weren't this nice and gentle to each other. Like other siblings we used to mess around with each other as well. Since he started getting busier with his studies and work, we don't often see each other. So whenever we do, we're busy asking about each other's life and how everything is going.

"Dad isn't gonna come home today right mom?"
"He will... he's got a day off", she replies thoughtfully.
"Ohh.. I'm going back to my room then.. I'm not going to college today", I changed my decision.
"Don't do that Elora. You just told Eden you're going", she retorted.
"I said I'm not sure. Now I don't feel like it", I said and left the kitchen.

When my dad stays at home after a hectic week, I usually don't go out. Our family may look perfect and unproblematic. But only I know how distant each of us are from our dad. Dad never shows that side of him to his children but truth never stays behind the curtain forever.
One day, I was getting ready to go out with friends and dad was at home. I was about to enter their room to say that I was leaving but then I heard his voice from outside the room.
"You're so fucking useless I can't believe it. I have to pretend to be okay with a pathetic woman like you cause of my children. I wish we could've taken a decision before the children grew up. Then I wouldn't have to suffer my whole life like this", he says with gritted teeth.
"You Can leave if you want, my children won't be forcing you to stay. They grew up and they are mature enough to understand that their father wants to leave them cause he's tired", she replies back. Fear is visible in her voice.
"Ohh? I forgot, it's one of your favourite hobbies. To play victim. Uhum I'm not letting you blackmail my kids against me", he says with a viscous smile.
I felt like I needed to stop it. My hands went numb. I texted my friends and called off our meet up. I didn't have the courage to leave my mom in this situation. Words could do so much to a person. It can internally shatter a person. And that moment it was my mom. I didn't know for how long she had been going through this until I forced her to spit the truth. Spit everything about my father and what else he had told her.
She said that dad never wanted to marry her. But He somehow knew that mom isn't one of those strong headed women who could do anything to get their freedom and peace. She is one of them who would sacrifice anything to keep their surroundings happy. My father used to like someone else but he was a kind of son who would comply with anything his father says.
And his father loved my mother so much that he immediately wanted them to get married. But my father blames my mother for all this. From his point of view, my mother was the one who was initially interested in him and their marriage was rigged.

Suddenly, A scream left her mouth and I immediately barged into their bedroom.