Loving Cross

17

*Anson's POV*
Have you ever tried to do gymnastics with a fucked up arm because a dude decided to whip rocks at you and knock you off your dirt bike?
Well, today I'm going to attempt to as Piper and I are walking in to the gym.
It's Monday.
My arm is still on fire from flying rocks and skidding the entire thing off the ground.
"Ladies." Chris smiled. "Anson you're with me today."
"What?" I gave him a look. "You're normally my Tuesday and Wednesday."
"Uh, Marcus asked me to take you today." He nodded.
"Uhm, I'm gonna go change so you can settle that." Piper kissed my cheek and walked in to the locker room.
"Why would he ask you to do that." I crossed my arms. "No offence, he pushes me more and you're better with Piper." I nodded.
"He said he just needs the day away, he'll take you Wednesday."
"What the hell happened, what did I do?" I shook my head.
"I don't know Ans." He shrugged.
I sighed. "Where is he?"
"Locker room." He nodded.
"You're still with Piper today." I pointed at him and walked away.
I made my way back to the mens locker room. Straight in to the mens locker room. "Marcus!" I yelled.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" He peeked his head out of one of the locker isles.
"Talking to you." I walked toward him.
"Anson, I'm in a towel." He nodded.
"When you should be out in the gym training me, not Piper. It's Monday."
He sighed. "Anson, I just need a day." He shook his head.
"Why!" I yelled.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "How long have we known eachother?" He crossed his arms.
"I don't know. 8 years when you started here." I shrugged.
"Exactly, you consider us friends, right?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Yes." I nodded.
"Then, why couldn't you just tell me no." He shook his head.
"What?" I scrunched my face.
"I asked you on a date two weeks ago. You recall that?"
"Yes? Why?"
"You said you'd think about it." He nodded. "It's been 2 weeks that I've been waiting for you to answer. And instead of giving me one, I see you making out with that Cash kid at the racetrack this weekend."
I sighed and closed my eyes. "Marcus."
"I'm 19 years old Anson. I can take a no." HE shook his head. "What I can't take, is you leaving me waiting and me finding out the answer is no, because I see some kids tongue down your throat. We're friends first Anson. You couldn't even talk to me about it. And now here I am, feeling like a 15 year old high school kid who just got punched in the stomach, because the girl I like couldn't be honest with me and just say that she wasn't interested."
"Marc I'm 16." I shook my head.
"I'm fully aware Anson. And I'm 19. I'm a grown ass man who won't be upset just because someone gives me an answer I don't want. I'm upset because we're supposed to be friends and you couldn't just tell me."
"I'm sorry." I nodded. "Just, the whole Cash thing happened last Friday, and I was so focused on the race last weekend and the competition coming up in 2 weeks that I didn't even think to say anything. But Marc I need you." I shook my head. "You're the one who pushes me to my limits, and you're gonna be the reason I'm ready for the competition. But don't let this affect what we have going on out there."
"Ans I'm not." He shook his head. "Just gathering my thoughts and getting my poise back."
"Then don't leave me hanging today." I shook my head. "Cause I can't do this without you. I promise I'll be honest with you from here on out. OK? Just please."
He sighed and gave me a small smile. "That's the Anson I like." He stepped over and hugged me. "The one whose straight up with me."
"You're in a towel my guy." I laughed.
"Because you came barreling in to the locker room and weren't leaving until you got me today." He laughed and let go. "Go get your leo on. We've got work to do." He smiled.
Now I'm not going to lie. Him talking to me like that, all mature and shit, got me really thinking.
Marcus is kind, he's nurturing, he's mature and reasonable. He's exactly the kind of guy I need in my life.
But then there's Cash. Cash is everything I want in a guy. He's funny, he's hot, as shallow as that makes me sound. He's got goals and dreams. We actually have a lot in common, and he makes me feel alive.
But then again, Parker is all of that too. Which is why the Parker crush also came rushing in to my head and all the reasons the Parker crush was even there. Parker is one of the only people who has ever made me feel safe in every situation. He's always understood the person underneath the facade that I put up, the softer parts of me that I'm scared to show because they make me vulnerable. Back then he was one of the only people who could stop me dead in my tracks from doing something I shouldn't.
Fuck what am I doing. I don't understand guys at all.
God I shouldn't be dating. This whole thing has got me second guessing the date with Cash, second guessing turning Marcus down, and second guessing my friendship with Parker.
I was so exhausted between training and my thoughts that I got home and literally flopped down on my bed and let my brain take over my body.
I don't dare call Piper because I know what she's going to say.
I don't dare talk to my mom or dad because I know what they're going to say.
So that leaves me with one option.
I got out of bed, walked down the hall, and knocked on Dyson's door.
"Give me a minute!" He yelled.
"Put it away so I can come in!" I yelled.
"Oh shut up, nothing like that was out. Come in." He yelled.
"Then why did you need a minute." I threw the door open and closed it behind me.
"Because I'm a dude and like to do things in the privacy of my own room that doesn't always involve my penis Anson." He laughed. "What's up?"
Honestly, I didn't say anything.
"Oh no." He shook his head.
"What?" I looked up at him.
"The Anson sigh." He nodded.
"What the hell is that?" I shook my head.
"The giant ass huff of air you do when you twiddle your thumbs and look down at your feet." He crossed his arms. "The one you do when you have something on your mind that you want to talk about but wont talk about."
"I don't do that." I scrunched my face.
He raised his eyebrows. "Look at your thumbs."
I looked down and sure enough, my thumbs were spinning around each other.
"Oh." I pursed my lips.
"Come on." He waved me over and patted his bed.
I walked over, flopped to my back and he laid down too. "What's going on?" He looked over at me.
"Have you ever had, something really good in your life, then something happens that changes it forever? Not necessarily in a bad way, but just changes. Then have something come along that may be better for you but you don't know if you should stick with what you know is good, or chance something better?" I sighed.
"Yeah, I have. I think everyone has. Its a want and a need kind of thing." He nodded.
"How do you know the difference though?"
"Well, things you want may not be good for you in the long run. Needs are things that can make you yourself better." He shrugged. "Like, some people want to do drugs, not a good thing." He shook his head. "Some people want to kill people, also not good. Do they need to do drugs or kill people, no."
I sighed.
"Is this a hypothetical object question, or a relationship question?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Does it matter?" I shook my head.
"Yes." He nodded. "Because if it is about relationships, it's a whole different ball park."
"How?"
"Well, there's going to be people you want, and people you need. But, when it comes to being with someone, don't settle until you find someone who is both. A want and a need."
"Is that even possible? To find someone who is a want and a need?"
He nodded. "Yeah. It is. I did."
I looked over at him.
"I didn't know I needed Piper until after I wanted her. I mean, obviously I want her, but needing her, I didn't realize that until she started hanging out with Craig." He shrugged.
"Why?" I shook my head.
"Because when they started hanging out, everything for me changed. I was, getting angry more often, I was anxious, impulsive. But when she was around, I wasn't." He shook his head. "When I realized that, it hit me. You piss me off on a daily basis, but when Piper's around it's significantly less. She's the reason I can control myself." He nodded. "When I'm around her, I'm just calm. She's my comfort, and it suck that it took me 10 years to realize she's the reason I have stayed cool and collected when people come at you, especially at races."
"Pipers your want and need." I nodded.
"She is my want and need." He let out a small smile. "She makes me a better person, she always has."
I sighed.
"What brought all this on anyway." He shook his head.
"Marcus asked me on a date 2 weeks ago." I nodded.
"What!" He yelled.
"Yeah, and I told him I'd think about it. And with Cash, the race and the competition, I hadn't. Then he saw Cash kiss me at the race, and almost didn't train with me today because he was upset that I wasn't honest with him. Which, I was going to tell him, I just was occupied. But, the way he was honest with me, and talked to me about it because I wouldn't let it go was just, mature." I nodded. "He was mature about it. And, it got me thinking."
"OK, what about?"
"Marcus is mature, and kind. Nurturing and reasonable. He's always had my back and been by myself when my nerves are high. He's just-"
"The kind of guy you need." He nodded.
"But then there's Cash. And he's amazing. He's also kind, and comforting. He's funny, and makes me feel alive. We have so much in common. But then again-"
"So is Park?" He pursed his lips.
I nodded. "And Parker, he's, so much more. He's comfortable, and makes me feel safe. He's seen me vulnerable and see's past the wall."
"So, Parker, being the good thing you had, and him leaving being what changed everything. Marcus still being here, but Cash coming along has got you all confused."
"Yeah." I sighed.
"OK, so, do you want advice?"
I nodded.
"Stop second guessing the date with Cash Saturday." He nodded.
I raised my eyebrows.
"I know you Ans." He shrugged. "Think of it this way. Parker, you've known him your whole life. You're comfortable with him. You know more about him, so you see more things that you want in him. But with him leaving, you gravitated more toward Marcus. Who is, patient, kind, calming, and always there for you. He picked you back up after Parker left, and he's been around for 8 years now. So you see more in him than you do Cash. But Cash, he's new. You just met him and are seeing the basic things. But the best part of being a teenager, is that you're allowed to focus on your wants because you don't need to know what you need yet. You don't have to find what you need and you get to just have fun. That's what I did, and look what happened, I found the need in my want. So you want Cash, go out with Cash and learn more about him. See if there's more things you like about him, maybe you'll find more than you do with Parker or Marcus. Give him a chance to, see past the wall. Get to know him more. Let him get to know you, and see if he could be a need. If not, no harm no foul."
I let out a small smile. "You're right." I nodded.
"Bitch I'm always right." He laughed.
"When did you get so comforting." I shook my head.
He raised his eyebrows. "We literally just talked about this." He let out a small laugh.
I leaned my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you."
"Always squirt." He squeezed. "Just, focus on your wants, let the need come to you. OK?"
I nodded.

I really don't know what I would do without him.
No longer second guessing anything.
And I'm really excited for Saturday now.