Loving Cross

30.

*Parker's POV*

I didn't end up going to the party last night.

I ended up staying home trying to not drive to Cash's house and throw Anson over my shoulder to bring her home.

I didn't sleep, because everything Cadence said to me was haunting my mind the entire time.

And it is currently 4:30 on a Sunday afternoon, and I have yet to even leave my room.

I literally had no desire to do anything today.

My stomach is in knots, my head is killing me, and my chest is so tight that I don't even want to move.

Well unfortunately I had to move when there was a knock on my door.

"Park?" My dad opened the door slightly and slid in. "Practice?"

I cleared my throat. "I'm uh, I'm not feeling good today." I shook my head. "Can I just run through Tuesday after school?"

He sighed and sat at the end of my bed. "You wanna tell me the truth now? As if I didn't hear you barreling through the house and out on to the roof last night?"

I sat up and shook my head. "I just really don't have it in me today, OK?"

"Parker Gage Martin, what happened?"

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" I looked down.

He shook his head. "No. Because you're not a bad person. Why would you think you're a bad person."

"Well, from what I'm told, I'm an asshole who uses sex to avoid his feelings." I scrubbed my hand down my face.

"And I'm assuming that is coming from a teenage girl?" He raised his eyebrows.

I nodded.

"Well bud, you're 17. Sleeping around, it's not necessarily a good decision but as long as you're doing it the right way, I'm not going to stop you. But, does that make you a bad person, no." He shook his head.

"That's the thing dad. I didn't do it the right way with her." I shook my head. "I uh. Kind of ran to her because someone else upset me and I knew she'd be there, and then I got my ass chewed apart, and told her the truth, and she went world war 111 on me last night."

"Again, does that make you a bad person, no." He shook his head. "An asshole? 100%." He nodded. "Parker, there are better ways to protect your heart than being an asshole bud." He rubbed my shoulder.

"I want to do better." I nodded. "I just, I need to figure out how to do better, with everyone, not just her."

He pursed his lips. "Do a few run through Tuesday since we have a race next weekend. You're clearly, out of it and I would rather you not be on a track while your mind is occupied."

"OK."

"Hey, why don't you give your mom a call, talk to her about this, OK?"

I nodded.

"And go eat something. You haven't left this room all day." He stood up and walked out.

Honestly, that's exactly what I need to do, call my mom.

So that's exactly what I did.

I grabbed my phone off my end stand for the first time today, and I had 23 missed texts, and 6 missed calls between Anson and Dyson.

I just went straight to my contacts to call my mom.

M: Hey honey.

I could hear the smile in her voice.

P: Hey Mama.

M: What's the matter?

Now, literally, all I could say was 'Hey Mama.' and she asks. Where in the-

M; I'm your mom baby, I know when something is wrong with you.

P; What, are you reading my mind too?

M; Yes.

She laughed.

P; I just really miss you is all.

M; Parker Gage Martin, lie to me again.

I sighed.

P; It's about Anson Mama.

M; OK, what's going on?

P; Well, remember how I told you she has a boyfriend?

M; Yes, I do.

P; Well, he called while we were hanging out last weekend, and I got mad. And I uh, made a mistake.

M; I'm sure it can't be that bad.

P; I went to Cadence's house, and I was so upset that I told her she was everything I wanted to get my mind off of Anson, and I felt really bad because of it, so I told her the truth on the way to homecoming last night, and she went off on me before she left.

M: OK, so it is that bad. What'd she say baby.

P; To stop trying, because Anson and I are never going to happen. Then proceeded to tell me that her and I were done, with everything because she deserves to be more than the girl I run to because my best friends little sister doesn't want me, and that's true, she deserves more than that. But the only thing going through my head right now between that, and me wanting to do anything I can to get Anson away from Cash, has me thinking that I am just a down right shitty person.

She sighed.

M; Honey, you are not a shitty person. A person with a questionable mind, absolutely. But not shitty. You're a good person baby, because if you weren't you wouldn't be thinking you're a bad one because of this. As far as Cadence goes, the best you can do is be honest with her, which you were, and more importantly, you apologize. But when it comes to Anson, she's one of the most important people in your life. Has she ever missed your plans to hang out with Cash?

P; Well, no.

M; Does she seem happy?

P; Yes, but-

M; No buts Parker, she's happy. That girl has been the most important girl in your life since she was born. Are you really willing to ruin her happiness for your own?

I sighed.

P: No.

M; Then there you go my love. The most important thing you can do, is support her happiness. That's how you two repair what was broken. You support each other. If you and Anson are supposed to be together, it'll happen.

P; Have I ever told you how grateful I am for you?

M; Every day my baby. Even though we're in Barcelona, and it's 10:45 at night here, you can always call.

P; God Mama I didn't even think if you'd be in bed. I'm sorry.

M; It's OK.

She laughed.

M; I love you baby. I'll call you tomorrow after school, OK?

P; I love you.

She hung up.

Thank god for my mom.

All I know is that this weekend at the Lake House can't come soon enough.

Because I really need some Holly conversation.