Will We Talk?

9- Story

Silence.

My foot tapped under the table as I picked at my fingers in a state of worry. His lack of answer was really aggravating me.

"I'm so sorry, I sho-" I started.

"No, I'm sorry." he interjected, "Do you think I didn't used to struggle?"

"You were an alcoholic?"

"Not exactly, mam and I just had a lot of financial problems when I was in my teens, so I turned to alcohol and ciggies. It was a really hard time, but I'm happy the two of us made it out alive." he informed me, a bittersweet smile sitting on his face that invited me to hold his hand over the table, "What about you?"

My face burned a bright red as tears threatened to fall. Not right now, Evelyn. Do. Not. Cry.

"Well, I- em- I. Hold on, gis a sec." I stuttered, gulping back the lump sat in my throat.

"Take your time." Sam sighed.

"Right. Well, I had a boyfriend. It was a really toxic type of relationship, where he wanted sex and I just wanted to be loved, hence why I was so scared when we first got to yours the other night." he nodded, urging me to continue, "We got really drunk one night and didn't use protection, the next thing I know, I'm carrying his child."

I felt myself getting weaker, lips shaking and my sniffs getting more frequent.

"A while passes by and I'm laying in bed after he just left for work. Excited was an overstatement, I fell in love with the little one. But I couldn't-" I paused, revisiting that day again and letting out a sharp breath, "I guess it wasn't meant to be."

And that's when I broke down completely, almost hyperventilating in front of Sam. He seemed to take this in his stride, pushing his chair out to come and crouch next to me. With glossy eyes, I looked at him.

"I'm sorry, you don't deserve that at all." he sniffed, staying next to me, rubbing my thigh.

"I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy." I whimpered, "It's so hard living in that apartment while their room is constantly urging me to walk in."

Sam stood, pressing a kiss against my cheek before sitting back in his chair.

"You're going to be okay, yeah?"

"Definitely." I gulped, wiping my tears again, "After a night in by myself went wrong, my friends sort of persisted that I see someone."

"Did you?"

"Aye, her name's Cassie and she's class." I admitted.

"That's great to hear." he smiled, just on time for our meals to arrive.

*****

Time with Sam seemed to go by rapidly, making me want to be with him more. While I didn't want to rush into things, I just wanted Sam. But that couldn't happen, not yet. I had to be patient.

Neither of us drank a drop of alcohol, out of respect for each other. It was quite refreshing to be able to have a good time, minus the devil's juice. To be honest, I felt like a giddy schoolgirl again as we walked back home, this time hand in hand.

I ended up bringing Sam back to the apartment, but not in that type of way. He was very respectful towards all of my stuff, initially not touching things. When I stood outside of my baby's nursery, he immediately knew what it was and he asked me what was further up the corridor.

My flat wasn't huge, but it was enough for me- space for an office, cosy for chilling and areas to eat. I had redecorated it, following the breakup, but that only did so much for me.

Later on in the night, Sam and I had sat on the sofa, each of us locating ourselves on opposite sides, as the TV played in the background.

"I'm nipping to the bathroom, you need owt while I'm up?" I ask, making my way towards the bathroom.

"Nar, you're fine, thanks." he said, rather engrossed at the telly.

The urge was just too strong- like a magnet- as I passed the bairn's nursery. I had to do it, otherwise I'd hate myself for not in the morning. My whole body flung itself into the room as the door opened.

I stood for a while, not knowing what to do. My eyes darted around the room, recalling what went where. Fran had painted the walls from a pastel yellow, back to a light grey to match the theme of my home. That was where their crib was, and the baby monitor sat on that windowsill.

Well, I must've stood there for a while as Sam's figure loomed from around the ajar door. Finally, my feet encouraged themselves to move, heading towards Sam, flinging myself at him to embrace. His arms welcomed me, wrapping warmly around my body as sobs began to rack my body.

We shared that moment for a long while, then I welcomed him into the room.

"This was where baby's crib was, where I was going to pick them up out of every morning and feed them." I pointed, "I made a makeshift changing table to put here, it took me ages to build." I laughed, finding some humour in the way I struggled for ages.

"You alreet? Want to go sit and cuddle?" Sam whispered, I slowly nodded.

This wasn't the way I had planned for tonight to go, but I quite liked it. I enjoyed having the companionship of Sam there, keeping me from going insane.

*****

Later into the night, I changed into a pair of my pyjamas, preparing to go to bed.

"We can share the bed, nothing needs to happen." I offer to Sam who looked tormented between staying and leaving, "I don't want you going home alone at this time, Sam. Please."

"Alreet, sure." he accepted.

"Good, get youself cosy. Feel free to wear a pair of my sport shorts. Bottom drawer. Aye, that one." I instructed.

I'm not sure what caused me to be so knackered, but I was out like a switch the second my head met the pillow.

*****

I awoken to being curled into Sam's side, his arm wrapped around me. It was a scene I wished would happen everyday. Unlike other people I'd been with, I truly saw Sam in my future and I honestly loved it. I wouldn't even care if he was just a mate, as long as he was there.

After a while of just me being awake, Sam woke up grumbling something like "Morning, darlin'.".

"And why isn't it good morning?" I joked.

"If it were a good morning, I would've had a kiss from you by now." he remarked.

"Is that how it is?"

"Could be."

"C'mere." I laughed, holding my arms out for him to climb into.

I gave him a sweet kiss to the lips before massaging his hair. I pulled my phone out and took a picture of the two of us, snuggled up, in order for us to remember the early days.

Evelyn sent a Photo
^viewed by Rylee and Fran

Fran: So the mystery man is real

Rylee: is that Sam Fender?

Fran: No fucking way, it is as well

Evelyn: Sam says stop texting, he wants to relax with me, minus the phone

Fran: Tell him to mind his business

Rylee: u trying to embarrass me in front of my celeb crush Fran?