Will We Talk?

40- Falling

"Evelyn, its New Year. Let's leave it." he requested, immediately making me regret my actions towards him.

Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

"Sorry Dean." I whimpered apologetically, completely humiliating myself in front of my boyfriend's best mate.

"You're alreet, Evie." he reassured, his arms in a surrendering position.

"Is it okay if I get some fresh air?" I asked, feeling my head throb and heart rate sore.

"I think that's what you need." Sam spoke, monotone, no emotion and a slight smile on his face.

With that, I got up and made my way outside, locating myself on a bench outside of the Low Lights. Left alone. Again.

Maybe alcohol wasn't the permanent cure, but it did leave me feeling better, making myself feel numb and free temporarily, and that's better than actually feeling something. Alcohol was an excuse, but at this point, I needed more than an excuse.

"Excuse me mate, you got a spare cig?" I inquired to one of the passing strangers.

"Of course I don't, I'm not trying to kill myself." he tutted before turning around and looking at me, "Fucking hell, you're young. How old?"

"23." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my index and thumb.

"You're killing yourself, pet. You look rough enough. Get some help." he suggested.

Thanks sir.

Although I'm sure his words weren't in the slightest meant to be offensive, and were likely true, it still stung. I was wasting away, and I was letting myself at such a young age too- I had a whole life to live, a career to fulfill, children to have, a wedding to pay for, grandchildren to spoil. Those words would stick with me all night, the guilt making me more sick that the alcohol. The alcohol that I decided to give up on for the night before I genuinely went away for good. Maybe air was a bad idea. Being alone was a bad idea.

My face had lost all of its feeling due to the sting of the cold air, obviously not making me realise I'd began to cry. Not even my stinging eyes made me think I'd cried, I blamed it on the freezing coastal air. Guess what: I was wearing mascara. You could imagine my confusion as I walked back towards Dean and Sam, the pair of them looking questionably at me.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry." Sam admitted, obviously knowing he's done nothing wrong.

At that moment, I hadn't realised I cried.

"Cry? I haven't cried." I explained, pulling my phone out to look at myself, "Ah. Maybe I have cried." I chuckled softly.

C'mon Evie, humour can't be your way out forever.

"Reet. That's me." Dean announced, standing from his chair, "Have a happy new year, all the best to yous."

"And to you too." I smiled, embracing him over the table, laughing as he clambered out from beside Sam.

"Yous'll be alreet, I know yous will." he whispered, rubbing my shoulder.

I winked at him as a thanks.

"Love ya Deano." Sam said, hugging him after he got out from his seat. As he sat back down, he placed a hand over mine that rested on the table, "I love you."

I looked up from my trance, cracking a little smile which made his eyes glisten, "I love you too."

"I am sorry, I may have overreacted." he admitted, even though he had no reason ti be remorseful.

"You don't need to say sorry Sammy. I know you mean no harm but I'm so selfish that I let my own issues take over my feelings. You're not at fault, you div." I stammered, "And I take it out on the people who love me, and I can't keep doing that because I'll end up with no one. That's scary Sam- having no one." my voice began to crack, but I couldn't cry. Not again.

"Hey now, you aren't gonna lose me. I'm in this for the long run. But what I ask of you is if you start and see Cassie more, not for the alcohol though, for the actual feelings. It's going to be alright, Evie. We're alright. I promise." he comforted, giving my hands a slight squeeze as he spoke his mini speech, "Reet, the lads are ootside, lets get gannin." he offered his hand and I took it.

I felt comfort in his touch right away, feeling my face flush when he lifted our hands to his lips, kissing my hand. Consequently, I placed my head onto his shoulder as I over-dramatically swung our arms back and forth, beaming as I did so. I was grateful for Sam, he always brings out the better of me, and its a relief.

*****

"We all have our midnight kisses then?" Fran asked the group excitedly, placing another pack of cans on the coffee table.

"Aye, I have wor Drew." Joe joked, placing a hand on Drew's thigh, eliciting a laugh from the group.

In the background was the beat of whatever songs Rylee had playing and the natter of the telly too. We were spread on the sofas: me, Sam, Joe and Drew on one while Rylee and Fran occupied the single seater and Tom, Tommy and Johnny found themselves a spot on the floor. I was perched on Sam's lap, completely distracted by the artwork on the walls and eves-dropping in everyone's conversations, which was quite the time passer.

"What's gannin on in that head of yours?" Sam interrogates me, rubbing my thigh with his hands, "You've went quiet, my love."

I don't deserve him. At all. After all I've put him through tonight, yet he still asks after me, putting me first. He's enough to make my stomach twirl and my cheeks go red, even at the mere sight of him.

"Nowt much." I smile back, leaning my heave head back, "Just a little tired."

"Mhm?" he hummed, placing kisses on my neck.

"Aye." I groaned, fiddling with the cuffs of my jumper.

"Evie Vic." came Rylee's voice from behind me, I turned my head as soon as I heard.

"Rylee Lou." I repeated in the same tone as her.

"On behalf of the whole room, we don't want to see yous getting hanky panky." she scolded us.

Subsequently, there were lots of wolf whistles and "ooh"s from the crowd around us, making the two of us snuggle even more into each other in slight embarrassment.

*****

I ventured up into the bathroom to wash my face a little as it was beginning to get a bit warm in that room, with all the drunken friends roaming around. The cold water calmed me down a little, almost making me feel less claustrophobic. Don't get me wrong, I love them all, but sometimes its all too much for me and I get all flustered. Big crowds have never been an Evelyn thing.

When I eventually walked back into the living room, I was greeted by whoops and cheers. I took that as a chance to curtsy a few times, letting the adoration sink in, making everyone cheer even louder.

"You've made it down just on time- one minute left." Sam explained as he pulled me to his lap again, "One minute until I get to kiss those lips." he whispered right into my ear, shooting tingles down my spine.

"Kiss me now." I demanded, half joking.

He did. Just a little peck, though, nothing all too special. But any kiss from Sam is special to me.

"Glasses out lads and lasses." Fran announced, standing from her seat, pulling Rylee up too.

We all rose. I stood shaking away the irrelevance that was pins and needles for a few seconds and turned to face Sam, holding his hands in mine.

"Proud of you." he muttered, making me give him a peck.

"10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2..." came all of our voices in chorus with one another.

Then my lips met Sam's. Although cracked and dry, the feeling of his lips against mine soothed me, his tongue swiping erotically across my own. Quite simply, I was melting into the kiss, gripping onto the back of his head as his hands caressed my hips and waist.

As we pulled away from each other, we smiled. What a way to enter 2019- BRIT Awards, here we come.