Will We Talk?

73- Hiding (Sam)

I'd always knew that Evelyn wanted to go out in the Netherlands, having some random obsession with it that she spoke about when we were first together, and when she asked me for that date (which I plan on going on in Germany too), I don't think I've ever felt more giddy. Her eyes were looking brighter when she asked, immediately being a sign that she's ready to start again.

Yes: we've been on out fair share of dates since reconciling, but it just feels different now and I don't know how. Nevertheless, its a good feeling. One of those feelings you don't get often but it comes with great euphoria when you do get it, and it's only good since you get it every-so-often.

With regret and desire and excitement, I left my hotel room after changing into something a bit smarter than my casual clothes so that the public wouldn't suspect too much. I slid my gazelles on my feet and giddily left the room, assuring I had my keycard, phone and wallet. Thankfully, my mixture of emotions wasn't effecting my head as it stayed firmly screwed on today, and I'd remembered everything before the door shut with a slam behind me. A grin was tattooed across my face as I approached Evie's door to knock on.

When I tell you my jaw dropped and audibly gasped as she revealed herself, you'd best believe me. It was embarrassing but wow, what more of a reaction could you get when she looks so ethereal. Don't get me wrong, she's always stunning, yet something about that colour and the way it compliments her eyes and clings onto all the right places sent the blood rushing.

Be a gent Sam: you have a show later on today.

My mouth opened and closed since I was so awestruck that I had to ponder what to say before saying it, ensuring that I don't humiliate myself. Any bullshit that could possibly come from my mouth was bound to fuck something up between us.

"Don't you look bobby dazzler?" she greeted, using her index finger to close my mouth, "That's better."

"Wow." I stuttered eventually, causing my cheeks to flush red and her to batter her thick eyelashes, "You're unreal."

She kissed my cheek lightly, likely cautious of the red lips she had and wiped any extra remains from my face. As she went to turn away, I pulled her back into me by her wrist and kissed her like she'd disappear at any minute. Within moments of meeting up with her, she'd have to go and fix her makeup after I'd smothered it all over both her and me.

Opposing the hour ago since I'd seen her, there was a true smile on her face that I don't see as much as I'd like to see it. She looked so effortlessly happy and it made me happy to see her like that after seeing her down and guilty for the past weeks. Time, with her, is like an illusion that goes really quick, then when she's gone, I may as-well be having a one-sided conversation. Somehow, she's so great that she manages to warp time and let our withered memories and thoughts of each other leave. Who'd think me- Sam Fender- would ever make it up to someone? Especially Evelyn.

"This is lush. Cheers, Sam." she beamed, her foot hitting mine underneath the table we'd located ourselves on.

I held her hand across the table, "It's my pleasure, Evie. I'm having a lush time."

"Mint." she responded, "You alright if I get one last glass of pinot? Think I'll need it for standing up for two hours." she laughed.

"Aye of course. I wish I could have somet like." I muttered, grabbing my card out of my wallet, pushing it in her direction.

"I don't need a sugar daddy." she teased, pushing the card back, "Don't think I haven't saw the snus by the way."

"Please, take it. Also, I'll have you know that snus is Joe's." I scrunched my nose in defeat, knowing she won't believe me.

"Divnt lie." she tutted, "Mind you, I never said I haven't used some." she winked before walking to the bar, with a semi-seductive sway in her hips.

She was a mysterious lass, that one. The innocent girl I thought she was, she obviously wasn't with trying my snus and now being on her fifth wine of the evening. We'd talked all afternoon, and I was internally punching myself for going out on a show night because I knew I'd not want to do it. But while I'm here, I may as well enjoy my time- that's the whole point in travelling the world, especially with those I love.

*****

"Well that was a delight Fender, we should do that again." she claimed, sliding her arms around my waist and kissing my jawline.

"Mhm." I hummed, pulling her further into me by her shoulder, us walking in that position for a while, "You alright with the paps? Just thought with us not being back yem."

"What they gonna do? Make up some conspiracy about us?" she groaned, "I'm alright with it if you are."

"If you're comfy, I am." I nodded, rounding a corner to one of the busiest streets I think I'd ever seen with bikes whizzing to-and-fro and people shouting whatever they were shouting. Every time something would pass or a noise would be made, I'd flinch, obviously not used to this type of hustle.

That completely opposed Evie, who was completely in her element, smiling at everyone and everything, "It's just gorgeous isn't it, Sammy."

"What?" I spluttered, in a daze of overwhelm.

"The view." she clarified, removing her arms and holding my sweaty hand, "Bit warm?"

"Could say that." I muttered.

"Too busy? Howay, I'll tek you a different way if you're nervous." she reassured, pulling me a different way.

"Never, if you want to go this way, I'll suck it up." I nodded, pulling her forward.

By the end of our walk, I'd hoisted her on my back after she complained that the cobbles were hurting her feet, and I took her back to the hotel to freshen up before we were required to be at the venue of the night. As hypothesised, I wasn't in the mood to do a show at all, and considering Evie was actually watching this one, it was all or nothing into it.

I put so much pressure on myself to be the best I can be, its exhausting, but I'm being my true and authentic self no matter where I am. Sam Fender is a determined, stubborn prick who finds himself hurting everyone when he's angry. The public make me out to be some hero with wings and shit, when in reality, I'm the farthest you can get to that. Everyone I know personally are aware of it now, but as for my fans, I'll keep that in the dark for now.

Until I slowly drain myself out and my all isn't enough to give.

As if I've not come close to that time and time again.