Will We Talk?

51- Normal

Will we talk?

Will we ever talk again?

I fucked up.

But he hurt me.

He really fucking hurt me.

What he said.

Did he mean it?

But is he wrong?

Not really.

I can't hate him, I really and truly can't. No matter how hard I try. I need to stop doing this.

God.

I never knew how much I loved him.

I love Sam Fender.

I'm so fucking selfish. I'm so full of myself. I'm so self absorbed.

Where did it all go wrong?

This was the third day I'd spent in bed, just staring at a blank spot on the wall, feeling all of the physical, emotional and mental pain all at once. Letting it all sink in. Letting it torture me. And that made me wonder how Sam was doing without me. Because I'm nothing without him.

I've not ate since I was last up, and that was a whole 65 hours ago. Its been two days since Zara and Zander's birthday and I felt dreadful for not texting or going to see them. But maybe today I'd muster up the little courage I had and go see the family.

*****

No. I'm not answering the door. I'm really comfortable in the position I'm in. You know, the position I haven't moved from in three days.

Keep knocking, I dare you. I'm not going to give in.

The door opened itself, and I thought the worst. I forgot Sam had a key, so was he here? After I told him not to come along.

So he does love me.

He's coming to save me.

Don't be so silly; there's zero need to be so delusional, Evie.

I heard talking, but I didn't want to listen to them. I was fine at solitude.

The door opened, letting light into my room.

"Hello, my darling." came Fran's voice, settling herself next to me on the bed and pulling my hair back- a move Sam did several times.

I didn't talk, I didn't move. But what I did do was smile. I smiled because I had friends who were here to see me. Friends who meant the world to me and more- who I knew would guide me to learn how to love again, who I'd trust with literally everything in life.

"You know we all love you, right?" she cooed, still stroking my head with her hand that I snuggled into, "I'm proud of you, y'kna. You're so brave, my darlin'. Do you want to do me a little favour?"

I shook my head.

"C'mon, Eves, for me?" I shrugged, "Sit up for is, will ya."

I did, and I hugged her, "Love you Fran." I muttered.

Hearing my voice was really strange considering I hadn't used it since I completely pied Sam off. My voice was hoarse, as if I was hung over, but I wasn't. I wish I was.

Dean's turn was next.

He looked solemn and tired, dragging his feet into my room, obviously uncomfortable as he questioned where to go- which made me chuckle.

He smiled, "It's good to see you smiling, pet. We're all proud, you know." I nodded, smiling away at their kind gestures, "We spoke to Sam."

I felt my stomach churn. I didn't know how to feel. How are you meant to feel in this scenario?