Will We Talk?

59- Enclosed

TW: mentions of Sexual Assualt

The smell of Sam was like heaven to me. He hugged me tighter than I think I've ever been hugged before. This was the touch I'd been yearning for for the past weeks.

I felt numb. I didn't even do anything wrong: I wasn't wearing anything provocative, I hadn't said anything to him, I just wanted to sober up and go home before something went wrong.

Everything was going so well, of course I should've saw something coming- but not this, certainly not this. Sam and I were on speaking terms, all of our friends were friends again, I'd went back to working, I was freshening up. Then it all came crashing down all at once because of a stupid man. A drunk man. I never want to be alone again.

I couldn't stop shivering all night, I lay awake for ages, even after Sam had tucked both me and himself into bed. The moment he dozed off, I knew, as I heard the faint muffle of his deeper breathing. I could picture him curled up, his mouth slightly open and his one hand under the pillow; it was a sight I'd been envisioning since we split. A sight I'd came to remember after those 7/8 months.

After a while, I'd dozed off. But my sleep wasn't a good one. Almost immediately, I had a dream with that man in it, and it just felt so real. It was happening all over again, I could feel him touching under my dress, the burning sensation all over my body. The marks he was leaving. I felt small, like the ground was going to swallow me up whole. What pained me most was how many women had he imposed himself on that couldn't escape as I had, just that one night, and the fact he was walking freely. The rotten bastard deserves prison for life. But I'm too much of a pussy to snitch.

But I opened my eyes and realised it wasn't happening again. It was all a dream. Just a dream. That dream threatened me to not fall asleep, and I couldn't. All I could manage to do was cry.

It had to have been around 2 o'clock when I got out of bed and shook Sam's body. It hadn't hit me yet, what I was doing, and it probably wasn't going to hit me until I know I'm properly okay.

"What's up darlin'?" he croaked, eyes squinting at the dim light.

"Can I come in with you please? It's alreet if not, like, I just need a bi-" I waffled.

"You don't need to explain yourself. Get in, Evie." he opened the blankets, welcoming me in. His arms enclosed my frame, making me let out a heavy breath. I felt safe. "You alreet with is hugging you?" he cautiously asked.

"Please don't let go." I mumbled, grabbing onto one of his arms. Awkwardly, I kissed the palm of his hand and felt his lips form a grin against my hair.

I'm not sure where I wanted to be, but being in Sam's arms was better than I could've hoped, especially after I tried to distance myself from him. The past week, we'd been messaging back and forth- just like when we first met- but now, I don't think I can get into a relationship. I had came so far from where I was before and now I was back to square one.

By the time morning rose, I just wanted to leave and get out of Sam's hair, but he wouldn't let me go. It was obvious that he still cared for me, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but in reality, we still needed to not be together all the time.

"You sure you're alreet being alone tonight?" Sam questioned, walking out from the bathroom.

"Not really, but I have to learn." I admitted, folding my dress from the night prior up, "I'm sorry about this, I didn't know where else to go, so thank you."

"It's no bother, but it's okay if you want to stay here. You don't need to rush back into normal life after something like this, y'kna." he announced.

I wanted to stay, but I couldn't. We all know I'd end up making a right tit of myself and cause the same issues we once had. It was nice to realise how much he really cared for me, proving intoxicated Sam was nothing but a threat.

"I know." I swallowed, "Actually, will you g'is a lift yem?"

"'Course I will." he smiled, heading to grab his keys.

*****

"Do you want owt before you go?" I asked as I unclicked my seatbelt.

"I want to make sure you're fine being alone." I rolled my eyes, "Seriously, Evelyn. I'm a call or text away, aye?"

"Aye." I tutted, "Sorry and thanks again."

"Anytime." he said before I got out and went back to what I thought would be the comfort of my own home.

The silence in there was way to eerie. Everything was just still. It always was since I'd been living alone again, so why did this feel so different? There was so much space, yet I felt so claustrophobic in the room I stood in. It felt like the walls I was so familiar with were edging their way towards me, trapping me in, squishing every last bone in my body. Then I found it hard to breathe, and I needed to escape but the world was split in two, so walking straight in a moon boot would prove itself to be a challenge. The door was right there- just millimetres away from where I was- my arm shot up and after a few attempts of grabbing, I yanked the door open.

Tossing myself out of the room, I found myself curled into myself on the floor and my back against the wall. Tears had made their way down my face and my chest bobbed up and down unsteadily. My head fell into my hands, elbows placed onto my bent knees, and I sat there and sobbed for a little while.

Well, I thought it was a little while, but when Bailey came rushing up the stairs of my apartment building, I knew it had been ages. His hand laid itself over his chest, as he gulped back a tired breath and bent himself down to my level. He brushed the stray hairs from my forehead and lay a brotherly kiss on there, "You alreet? Sam told Bradley and I, no one else, don't worry." he consoled, sliding down the wall next to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders, "Jesus, it must be in the criteria that parents get stiff." he groaned, limbering himself on the ground.

I laughed, "I'm good, thanks." I forced a smile at him.

"But you're not, though, or you wouldn't be oot here, would ya'?" he announced. I'm not surprised he was so straight to the point, he always had been. Brad was the laid-back one, Bailey was uptight one and I was the stubborn one and we've stuck with these roles since we were young, "Up you get." he ordered, slowly getting himself up too.

"Sam only told yous yeah?" I questioned after Bailey settled me in the living room.

"Of course," he scoffed, "He's a good kid, pet, you just need some time away from you and him."

"But I love him." I moaned, approaching my flat's door, "And before you say it, I know, he loves me too."

"So, do what's best for yous." he deadpanned, "Don't you think Yvonne and I haven't had arguments?"

"That wasn't an argument, Bailey." I hissed.

"Don't get angry at me, I'm trying to help." he snapped, "Reet. What I was gannin to say was relationships aren't one smooth-floating boat ride. They're up and down."

"You don't say." I mumbled.