1437 - I Love You Forever

5.

Me
You never told me Gian is even older than you
11.02

Haira Darmana
You never asked.
Why does it bother you anyway, Gad?
Is it okay for her if you just call her name without any honorifics?
11.02

The audacity of the lady from The Darmanas was clearly felt in her answer, and I can only sigh in annoyance because what she said is all true.

I scoffed before I felt a soft buzz from my phone.

It was a call from my father, who asked me to visit his office so we could have lunch together. He always did that, at least once a month. It wasn't just to spend time with me; those lunch meetings were our spy meetings. Simply because my father enjoyed the gossip or any funny stories around the hospitals. Things that he couldn't experience anymore since he was the director of the foundation and didn't have much time in the hospital.

"So is there any story to share?" He asked while putting a spoonful of soup in his mouth.

I shrugged. "I just examined Haira's friend. She had some lumps and a cyst."

The fine wrinkles beside his eyes lifted. He seemed interested in my story. "Tell me in detail."

I told how Bria helped me and how Gian responded to my every explanation about the lump in her breast.

"Is she beautiful?"

I nodded while sipping my water. "She didn't seem that glamorous, though. But it's enough to call her beautiful."

He pressed his lips together and gave a fine smile. "And why have you helped her?"

I saw his face and thought carefully about what made me want to help Gian. Of course, because she was patient and needs to be examined. In theory, it would be like that. But I was sure my father didn't need rhetorical answers like that. It was clear that, as doctors, we had to help patients. But it was more than that.

He knew that I had the emotional scars my mother left me with after her death. It would have resulted in a compulsive sense of guilt and self-loathing.

"She's not Ibu." I answered shortly before putting a slice of chicken on my plate.

"I am just worried."

"Aya — ," He stopped me, grabbing my hand softly.

"Don't explain yourself; I'm sorry for bringing up the memories now. You don't need to put the burden on your shoulders and act like you can conquer everything as a doctor. Just do your best, and always seek happiness. Whether you're the wise and incredible oncology surgeon or the sometimes flawed and rambunctious Jagadita Andaru, my son, that's the most important thing."

I simply nodded in agreement.

"It's good to know how to grieve, but you mustn't think that her death is your fault, because it really isn't."

It took him years to let go of his memories of my mother and start a new life. And what he said just now made me feel like he was also directing his own words at himself. He didn't need to feel guilty because of my mother's death.

Even now, I still cry for my mother. Sometimes I still get nervous when I am in front of my patients because they might end up like my mother. And my father is aware of that, I'm sure.

Father allowed me to fool him. What made my father's shrewd eyes blind were probably the bonds and trust that we've accumulated under the name of a family.

"So, you really don't want to meet my patient yet?"

"Ayah!"

The moon was high. It illuminated the entire sky in a way that made it almost seem human, like it had emotions, feelings, and memories, and I wondered if the moon was sad, happy, angry, or indifferent.

I sat on a wooden bench in my attic. It was approaching midnight, and there were few stars in the sky that could be seen through the light pollution of the city.

"Mas?"

I could see Agni crawling off the ladder in the corner of the attic. Her pure white face looks flushed red, and the tip of her nose, which is not too sharp, looks like it has been exposed to the air conditioner for too long. She adjusted the position of the pashmina that was slung over her shoulder. That girl slowly sat down next to me before resting her head on my shoulder.

"What are you doing here?"

I didn't answer and kept looking at the night sky, which is rarely seen in the middle of Jakarta.

"Do you have anything on your mind?"

I took a deep breath

"Do you think I ought to get married?"

She gave me a disgusted look. We never discuss topics like this, so I was aware that my question must sound absurd and strange to her. "What's wrong with you?"

"It seems like Ayah wants to set me up with his patient."

Her expression loosened up. I was aware that Agni likes my father very much. She immediately let down her guard when I revealed that I was experiencing anxiety over my father.

She grinned and said, "You shouldn't have to get married so quickly if you don't want to. But maybe if Ayah asks me to get married now, I'll say yes right away, Mas."

I frowned. "Why?"

"Kamu tahu kan, having divorced parents is never easy, but Ayah made it worth it."

The reaction I saw in her didn't just happen on the spur of the moment. It looked like it had been lying dormant for a very long time for her to say that to me. The emotional feelings that have slowly grown undetected over time.

I knew Agni's parents had separated in an unfavorable way. Her father had an affair, although the relationship between Mama Mara and her ex-husband was still good. But not for Agni.

"I never thought much about marriage, Mas. Not because I considered it an awful concept, but because I had a bad experience with it. You understand the reason. But after I met Ayah, I prayed constantly for a great husband like him." She grinned. "So I think it's okay for you to comply with his wishes. After all, Ayah also doesn't ask you to rush into marriage. He wants you to meet new people, have new acquaintances, and do other things besides marriage."

I softly brushed her hair. "Thank you for the insight, Dek."

"I hope she's a good woman, Mas." She tightened the cloth that had been wrapped around her shoulders. "Even if you don't end up being a couple, I hope you can still become good friends."

Yeah, I hope so.