1437 - I Love You Forever

14.

"Here, have a drink first." Haira's slender fingers thrust a bottle of cold mineral water in front of me. Her legs were crossed as she leaned back. She was staring at me directly with her arms folded.

"Thanks, Kak."

"Mind explaining?"

I drank my mineral water before sighing. "I'm okay."

My eyes could see Agni, who was perplexed by the conflict that arose between me and Haira. It was only natural that she looked confused. No one else was aware of my issue apart from Haira, Jendra, and Wimar.

"Agni said your voice was shaking when you called her earlier. Then you said you weren't fine after you got news from the patient. What's wrong with the patient, Gad?"

I scratched my neck. I knew why Haira acted like this. I was so stunned when my mother passed away that I had *dyspnea and felt like I was suffocating. At that point, even my heart had become feeble. She was obviously concerned about me.

Actually, this incident almost never happened to me again after my mother died. This was the first time I felt excessive worry when I heard news from my patient. I was not sure about myself either.

"So what happened in the past with Mas Jagad, Kak?" Agni gave Haira's sleeve a little squeeze. Her voice was too low, but I could tell she was worried. Her often happy demeanor was now nowhere to be seen.

Haira drew her breath harshly.

"He almost died from too much shock when his mother passed away." She gave her hair a harsh ruffle before turning to face me once more. "Who made you act this way? To lose Tante Utari alone is enough to change yo—,"

"Giandra, Kak." I cut her off quickly, prompting her to automatically purse her lips. "Giandra made me like this."

"What?"

*****

"I had no idea you had something like that when Tante Utari passed away, Mas."

I stepped on my brake pedal slowly because traffic snarls had begun to line numerous Jakarta streets. "It's okay; you don't have to know everything; it happened a long time ago, and I never went through it again. Actually, the situation wasn't that horrible. You are aware that the brain will command the production of **cortisol and ***adrenaline when you are in ****"fight or flight" mode. These cortisol and adrenaline hormones will increase heart rate and blood flo — ,"

"Ugh, Jagadita Andaru, halt it right away. I am aware of that."

"I'm worried you won't remember because instead of becoming a doctor after medical school, you became a public relations officer."

I chuckled as I let down the handbrake before hitting the gas pedal. Agni cast a sluggish eye roll.

"I'm just going to become a specialist doctor later."

"Yes." I forced a smile inside. "Hurry up and take it soon; you are too handy at the foundation."

Her lips were pursed. It was one of her habits when she was annoyed, but this time was different; I could feel a weight being held when she repeatedly sighed heavily.

"I'm not demanding you complete it right away. Don't use me, Jendra, or Wimar as your standards." I quickly added, "The three of us lack youth due to acceleration, since we are incredibly ambitious. And last, you witnessed for yourself how often Jendra and I wept while we were in college. Even though he still lacks youth, Wimar can appreciate it more since he is more at ease."

Agni chuckled.

"I know, you guys really are out of my league anyway."

I smiled a little. "I just want you to have responsibility for your own choices."

I used to tell stories like this with Agni. Despite being half siblings, we never felt uncomfortable sharing stories. But as time has passed and we have both become busier, we have talked much less.

I recalled how I used to frequently question her about whether attending medical school was really what she wanted to do because every decision had possible consequences. Like me, for example, I don't have youth because I don't have time for that.

"But, Mas, I appreciate that you've made new friends outside of our close circle."

"What do you mean?"

Agni laughed. "Mbak Andra, so how is she?"

"Wonderful," I merely stated. "I refer to her perspective." I added.

She laughed. "By the way, is Mbak Andra's condition bad?"

I shook my head.

"It's still treatable, but there's something peculiar about her condition. I am just worried because it hasn't been examined yet."

She nodded.

"But why is her situation setting you off?" I could hear her muttering, more to herself than to me.

"Maybe it's because I'm her doctor, Dek."

Agni completely rotated her body to face me. "But you're not usually like this, Mas."

She crossed her arms and started putting on suspicious faces in response to all of my answers. Honestly, this was Agni's most annoying attitude. She won't accept an answer if it couldn't be rationally and conclusively determined. And in my opinion, if she majored in law or criminology, her character would fit better.

You might find my response to be very reasonable, but I knew she finds it weird because I had such a strong bond with a patient. For me, my patients were an obligation without attachment to my profession.

"Serius deh mas, tapi kalau kamu suka sama Mbak Andra, aku juga nggak apa-apa. She's good."

Mulai.

"Mas, we'll keep working with her; feel free to occasionally invite her out with us."

I could feel there was a bit of pressure in Agni's words just now. Maybe she was still hoping to match me up with Giandra since she still believes that I hadn't moved on from Juwita.

"Yes, I will ask her later."

"I will have an appointment with her at three tomorrow. Join us if you're free. Don't try to bail on my request to you."

I passed a car in front of us and smiled at her antics before I asked a question that actually piqued my curiosity. "Why do you seem so eager to ask me to be with her? You act like Ayah, don't you?"

Again, she crossed her arms.

"I have my reasons."

I tilted my head. "What?"

She took a deep breath. There was a feeling of reluctance in her voice to answer my question.

"I learned from Kak Haira that Mbak Andra shared the same issues with her parents as I do, Mas,"

I raised an eyebrow and gave her a quick glance, attempting to interpret the sad expression on her face. "What do you mean?"

"Mbak Andra's parents also divorced because her father was having an affair."

*****

*an intense tightening in the chest, air hunger, difficulty breathing, breathlessness, or a feeling of suffocation.

**a steroid hormone that is produced by your 2 adrenal glands, which sit on top of each kidney.

***a hormone secreted by the adrenal glands, especially in conditions of stress, increasing rates of blood circulation, breathing, and carbohydrate metabolism and preparing muscles for exertion.

****the instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation, which readies one either to resist forcibly or to run away.